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Substance Abuse
A fork in the road maybe...good vibes please
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 628254"><p>I've had two longish, friendly, chatty phone calls from difficult child - 1 last night and another this afternoon. Just the phonecalls themselves are a WOW since he has been known to be out of touch for weeks! I am sensing some positive changes and I could really use some good vibes that they're real and they stick.</p><p></p><p>difficult child is now living temporarily in NW North Dakota working on the restorative landscape crew for a major contractor who is running pipelines up there. His job is just for the summer, the company is putting up their crews in trailer bunkhouses. North Dakota is like a frontier almost- growing faster than the infrastructure can keep up. He is in the middle of nowhere surrounded by men and it's an expensive place to be; low supply and hi demand for everything. He started this job in NE and it was a lot cushier, they were lodged in a hotel in a decent small town and it was just him & his 3 friends the first month. Now they are working with the utility/road crews- aka real "working men" and it's been an eye opener. He said they are the smallest & youngest guys around and they have to be careful because fights are constantly breaking out in the bars & sometimes they get hassled for being young and working a "summer job." Fortunately, older guys working for the same company have ben watching out for them. I gulped hard & advised him to PLEASE ignore the hassling and to walk away from any temptation to engage in an altercation. He said " <strong><em>Mom, I walk away and we lay low most of the time. A few of the older guys are taking us under their wing, so we hang out at the camp & barbecue and share meals and stuff. I am pretty sure I can't risk another punch to the face and losing anymore brain cells." </em></strong></p><p><strong><em></em></strong></p><p>He mentioned that he is trying to get home for July 4 but that it's difficult since he in the middle of nowhere. I asked him how long he would be working there, and he said he is definitely not staying past the summer<strong><em>. </em></strong>He also said<strong><em> " You know mom, I've been thinking about it, and I think I am going back to (former) school in "college town". I have to contact them and find out what I need to do to enroll. Being around all these crews has made me realize that this is not for me, I really need to get a college degree."</em></strong></p><p><strong><em></em></strong></p><p>I know, you are rolling your eyes at me. I rolled my eyes when he said it. been there done that, tee shirt and all. Except that he said it, all on his own, freely. And I think it's the first time. It is also the first time that he made a mature comment about the sucker punch to the face -almost 4 years ago- that was the beginning of his spiral down.</p><p></p><p>And then he asked me if I knew about "Danny", And he told me that Danny had died a few days ago. The rumor is a heroin od but no one is sure. Apparently,Danny posted a "60 days sober" message on his FB page a few weeks ago. Danny was a friend from HS- a year younger than difficult child, a year older than pc19. They all went to the same school since K. difficult child played FB with- him; they worked out every day together the summer before difficult child's junior year in HS. That was the summer difficult child had his 1st brush with SA. When we found out he was experimenting with drugs & alcohol, we grilled difficult child for "who, how and where?" and Danny was the "who." I intended to call Danny's mom to let her know and my own shame/pride/fear kept me from doing so. I've always regretted it- especially when I heard when Danny went to rehab his own junior year in HS. And now I regret it even more. I can't even imagine her pain and I am just heartbroken, he was a lovely child & a warm & friendly young man despite his addiction and his parents loved him beyond measure and did all they could to get him help. Addiction is truly evil.</p><p></p><p>I am guessing Danny's death prompted difficult child to call and reach out to me. It's been a long time since difficult child reached out. I know Danny's death must have shaken him to the core; it very well could have been him.</p><p></p><p>And finally, difficult child's was back here for a few days between their NE & ND stint about 2 weeks ago. He and his coworker/friend came for dinner and I really like the friend. Nice boy, clean cut, working hard for tuition money for the upcoming year. difficult child pulled h aside before he left and <strong><em>quietly gave him $500 to repay us for his college textbooks from his most recent failed semester.</em></strong> Mind you, we never asked to be repaid. This was all on his own. Another first.</p><p></p><p>I am not getting my hopes up too high . Could this all be signs of some sort of progress? Yes, but that's my mommy heart speaking. My difficult child-mom self knows that any sign of progress could dissolve in an instant and that I need to be pragmatic. For years, I have been struggling because difficult child has never seemed to learn from his circumstances, he's been a Peter Pan. Maybe he is finally starting to see the light?Please hold a good thought for me and for him...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 628254"] I've had two longish, friendly, chatty phone calls from difficult child - 1 last night and another this afternoon. Just the phonecalls themselves are a WOW since he has been known to be out of touch for weeks! I am sensing some positive changes and I could really use some good vibes that they're real and they stick. difficult child is now living temporarily in NW North Dakota working on the restorative landscape crew for a major contractor who is running pipelines up there. His job is just for the summer, the company is putting up their crews in trailer bunkhouses. North Dakota is like a frontier almost- growing faster than the infrastructure can keep up. He is in the middle of nowhere surrounded by men and it's an expensive place to be; low supply and hi demand for everything. He started this job in NE and it was a lot cushier, they were lodged in a hotel in a decent small town and it was just him & his 3 friends the first month. Now they are working with the utility/road crews- aka real "working men" and it's been an eye opener. He said they are the smallest & youngest guys around and they have to be careful because fights are constantly breaking out in the bars & sometimes they get hassled for being young and working a "summer job." Fortunately, older guys working for the same company have ben watching out for them. I gulped hard & advised him to PLEASE ignore the hassling and to walk away from any temptation to engage in an altercation. He said " [B][I]Mom, I walk away and we lay low most of the time. A few of the older guys are taking us under their wing, so we hang out at the camp & barbecue and share meals and stuff. I am pretty sure I can't risk another punch to the face and losing anymore brain cells." [/I][/B] He mentioned that he is trying to get home for July 4 but that it's difficult since he in the middle of nowhere. I asked him how long he would be working there, and he said he is definitely not staying past the summer[B][I]. [/I][/B]He also said[B][I] " You know mom, I've been thinking about it, and I think I am going back to (former) school in "college town". I have to contact them and find out what I need to do to enroll. Being around all these crews has made me realize that this is not for me, I really need to get a college degree." [/I][/B] I know, you are rolling your eyes at me. I rolled my eyes when he said it. been there done that, tee shirt and all. Except that he said it, all on his own, freely. And I think it's the first time. It is also the first time that he made a mature comment about the sucker punch to the face -almost 4 years ago- that was the beginning of his spiral down. And then he asked me if I knew about "Danny", And he told me that Danny had died a few days ago. The rumor is a heroin od but no one is sure. Apparently,Danny posted a "60 days sober" message on his FB page a few weeks ago. Danny was a friend from HS- a year younger than difficult child, a year older than pc19. They all went to the same school since K. difficult child played FB with- him; they worked out every day together the summer before difficult child's junior year in HS. That was the summer difficult child had his 1st brush with SA. When we found out he was experimenting with drugs & alcohol, we grilled difficult child for "who, how and where?" and Danny was the "who." I intended to call Danny's mom to let her know and my own shame/pride/fear kept me from doing so. I've always regretted it- especially when I heard when Danny went to rehab his own junior year in HS. And now I regret it even more. I can't even imagine her pain and I am just heartbroken, he was a lovely child & a warm & friendly young man despite his addiction and his parents loved him beyond measure and did all they could to get him help. Addiction is truly evil. I am guessing Danny's death prompted difficult child to call and reach out to me. It's been a long time since difficult child reached out. I know Danny's death must have shaken him to the core; it very well could have been him. And finally, difficult child's was back here for a few days between their NE & ND stint about 2 weeks ago. He and his coworker/friend came for dinner and I really like the friend. Nice boy, clean cut, working hard for tuition money for the upcoming year. difficult child pulled h aside before he left and [B][I]quietly gave him $500 to repay us for his college textbooks from his most recent failed semester.[/I][/B] Mind you, we never asked to be repaid. This was all on his own. Another first. I am not getting my hopes up too high . Could this all be signs of some sort of progress? Yes, but that's my mommy heart speaking. My difficult child-mom self knows that any sign of progress could dissolve in an instant and that I need to be pragmatic. For years, I have been struggling because difficult child has never seemed to learn from his circumstances, he's been a Peter Pan. Maybe he is finally starting to see the light?Please hold a good thought for me and for him... [/QUOTE]
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A fork in the road maybe...good vibes please
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