A funny

F

flutterbee

Guest
Dear All:


My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.


Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.


I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.


I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....


Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.


I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.


Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.


I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.


I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.


Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my buns.


And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.


If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.


I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.


By the way … a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.


Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
ROFLMBO - um....my hand wasnt' on my mouse :bag:

Thanks for the laugh - I have a cyber friend that sends me the SEND this to 8 of your friends and you will get your wish things - 3 or 4 a day sometimes - I figure if it were true she would be sending me those messages from Cancun.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
:rofl: :rofl:

You got me. My hand WAS on the mouse. But it doesn't count cuz this wasn't an email. :wink:
 

klmno

Active Member
This is hilarious! Ok, don't answer phone, read emails, communicate with anyone, take a freebie, go potty, eat or drink,- and you'll live a long happy life!!

Here's to you! Glad you have a sense of humor!
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I LOVE it!!! This is an item worth placing in an email and sending to those "old friends" who only send me junk email!!!

How funny!!!

Susie
 
F

flutterbee

Guest
My dad started sending me emails in March. He forwards EVERYTHING to everyone in his address book...must be 30-40 people. He's one of those...I got it in an email, it must be true!...kinda people.

Til one time he forwarded a really bad one, in my opinion. It was an email encouraging you to boycott Oscar Mayer because 'they don't support the troops'. I *hate* that kind of stuff...especially when that company has donated to the troops. So, I replied to ALL stating that the email was a hoax, <insert link>, <insert link>, <insert link> for proof. I don't get those kinds of emails from him anymore. :rofl:
 
Top