A funny

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Jan 2, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Dear All:

    My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

    Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my buns.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

    I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

    By the way … a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    OMG....That was so funny!

    hand on mouse...got me!
  4. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I so needed that.

  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    ROFLMBO - um....my hand wasnt' on my mouse :bag:

    Thanks for the laugh - I have a cyber friend that sends me the SEND this to 8 of your friends and you will get your wish things - 3 or 4 a day sometimes - I figure if it were true she would be sending me those messages from Cancun.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: :rofl:

    You got me. My hand WAS on the mouse. But it doesn't count cuz this wasn't an email. :wink:
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This is hilarious! Ok, don't answer phone, read emails, communicate with anyone, take a freebie, go potty, eat or drink,- and you'll live a long happy life!!

    Here's to you! Glad you have a sense of humor!
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I LOVE it!!! This is an item worth placing in an email and sending to those "old friends" who only send me junk email!!!

    How funny!!!

  9. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    And it was all verified on Snopes.com...
  10. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    AACCKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! :laugh:
    My hand was on the mouse!!!
    Not fair!

    Very, funny!
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My dad started sending me emails in March. He forwards EVERYTHING to everyone in his address book...must be 30-40 people. He's one of those...I got it in an email, it must be true!...kinda people.

    Til one time he forwarded a really bad one, in my opinion. It was an email encouraging you to boycott Oscar Mayer because 'they don't support the troops'. I *hate* that kind of stuff...especially when that company has donated to the troops. So, I replied to ALL stating that the email was a hoax, <insert link>, <insert link>, <insert link> for proof. I don't get those kinds of emails from him anymore. :rofl: