A glimmer of light

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Malika, Oct 3, 2012.

  1. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Took J to his new karate class tonight (he's now doing rugby, tennis and karate; is asking to go horse riding as well but I think that is enough, not to speak of the bank balance...), which seemed to go well. While I was in the village where he does it, I met the woman who runs the play centre where he goes on Wednesdays. She said, perfectly pleasantly, that she wanted to talk to me because last week J had made a rude gesture to a woman who scolded him (sigh, not saying it doesn't matter, of course it does, but this is the sort of thing he does to impress others, without any reflection in the moment...) - he must have seen another child doing it somewhere because certainly it hasn't come from me :) Anyway, we ended up having a long chat; she asked whether it was true that J has ADHD, whether he has been diagnosed, and then she said that it was important that they know so that they could help and understand him, and try to implement ways of managing him better and not judging him just as a naughty, badly brought up child. FIRST time anyone has recognised ADHD and wanted to help accommodate it - usually it's me explaining to people who basically don't seem to believe me... She said, though, that they had another ADHD boy who also goes there and that, in her words, he and J were "like night and day". She said this other boy wouldn't stop for a moment, wouldn't look you in the face when you spoke to him, seemed totally out of control. So what is all this about - is this other boy a typical portrait of ADHD? I'd like to meet him actually.
    J is extremely hyperactive and highly impulsive, his attention flitting from one thing to another when he is not involved in a directed activity. What else could it be but ADHD? What does it matter if it is exactly the symptoms of ADHD - we might as well call it that, if it gets him some help and understanding?
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2012
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'd be guessing the "other boy" is either not ADHD, or ADHD plus a raft of other things... but could be (totally a stab in the dark of course) Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD).

    Whereas, J would be more "typical" of ADHD.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    The other one does sound like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). But you know, ADHD for many of our kids, is just the beginning of dxes. It's an adjective that describes impulsivity and speed and lack of attention to detail or ability to concentrate. It tends to evolve and mutate as they go through puberty.
    Plus, no matter what a person has, they are individuals. I know several people who are bipolar (not even on this board) and the only thing they have in common is that they have difficulty with-their sleep cycles, they are full of energy for days on end, and then they sleep for days on end. Some of them shop and spend ridiculous amts of money, one is a total, controlling b*tch, one is the gentlest person you'd ever want to know. It just tends to magnify their original personality.
    So ADHD isn't your son's personality, it's just one facet of his behavior.
    I hope this woman is sincere, and that you and she both understand that these children are as different in as many ways as they are the same, they will not learn the same way other children do, and that they need boundaries and understanding probably more than some of the "regular" kids.
  4. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    LOL, I thought Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) about the other boy as soon as she said he wouldn't look you in the face. I think it is a very good sign that people are asking you how best to handle J.
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    From asking J, it becomes clear that the boy who was with him when I picked him up from the play centre yesterday is this other (allegedly) ADHD boy. He wasn't speaking but was shrieking in an odd, high-pitched tone... I think there is definitely something other than ADHD.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yeah since they are not up to speed on adhd probably the same for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and with adhd being a common symptom in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) he likely hasn't been fully diagnosis. Just like what happens here but here I'd imagine the odd sounds would tip people off a little. He is maybe more sensory seeking than typical adhd activity too. Poor boy. Even if it is adhd, any diagnosis. has a range of symptoms and degrees of manifestation of each symptom .....of course you know that but they may not. The great thing is that she wanted to support him. That's amazing. You sure deserve someone to help you! So does J. Does she do private babysitting?
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Lol, buddy! She's the director of this centre so I don't think she'd take kindly to being asked to babysit for me :) But her son, aged 7, gets on famously with J so perhaps I could invite him over some time.
    You're so right... people's attitudes make all the difference. J has always liked going to this centre and there is a lovely woman who works there, older and really open to and brimming with enthusiasm for the kids. To be honest, that's not typical of what I've found here. And I honestly had no idea the director was so open and apparently committed to doing her best for kids with special needs until we spoke yesterday - she was the one who had been fuming and enraged one evening when I arrived because her son and J had been creating havoc all day and not listening to anyone (she said).
    Maybe it makes sense that things are changing a little as J gets older. He is moving out of the age when hyperactivity, inability to tolerate frustration, etc are to some degree normal and it is becoming clearer that there is a "problem".
    Incidentally, this woman yesterday also said that she had known some children on Ritalin and that it seemed to take all the life and spirit out of them, while making them calmer... We agreed that J had a spirit that one wouldn't want to squash. I just don't know what's going to happen re medications. We have (yet another!) appointment next Monday with another ADHD specialist, a doctor at the local hospital (been waiting for months for the appointment) and maybe this is something I can discuss with her.