A Letter from an Addict to His Family...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Toomanytears, Dec 11, 2018.

  1. Toomanytears

    Toomanytears Member


    Found out 2 hours ago girlfriend flew in last night and is staying at sister’s house.

    I blew a gasket.

    Called off our Christmas Eve gathering tonight. Sister feels in the middle. I apologized to her and asked her and fiancé to please still come up. They may or may not.

    Son doesn’t understand why we can’t all forgive and put it behind us and be together as a family. She’s done an awful lot for him this past year.

    I will not allow him up here. Or girlfriend. Our last Xmas together for a minimum of 5 yrs. How can he come up here and leave her alone at sister’s house when she just flew in 1100 mi to not be alone??

    Hubby told him If he’s smart he’ll just stay away.... his Mom is furious. He made his choice.

    Now to decide what to do with time set aside for grandson tomorrow. I’m thinking about feigning flu, Daddy and aunt can exchange with him and Santa and grandma/grandpa can catch up with him in the New Year.

    Oh and Copa...Don’t know for sure, but she is here until at least the New Year. Thinking a one way ticket here. Can’t ever get a straight answer. Dibs that she’s here til sentencing.
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Obviously sons little boy seeing him means more to you than to him. That is sad for both. Im sorry this hsppened.

    I am really mad at your son and this girl. Both put your daughter in the middle, although she could have said no. They ruined your holiday. Sorry, but I dont believe this girl would have to be alone on Christmas if she didnt fly in. She must know friends and have some family and probably.just wanted to push herself on your son
    They seem very involved. . And what company gives anyone an advance on pay unless its a family business? How did she get the money? You probably do t want to know! I dont trust her.

    You cant keep her away from your son but you can keep her from you and your grandson. I have no idea how she helped your son...he is a mess. She made things worse. You owe her nothing.

    I am sorry your holiday is ruined. If there is any way to spend quality time with any not dramatic loved ones, please try.

    Take care of yourself. Please. Your mental and physical health must come first right now. Your grandson needs you. You need you.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 24, 2018
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Tmt. I would try my best to cut them both loose. There is no scenario I can think of where anything can be ressurected from this fiasco. Personally I cannot believe how son expects you all to move on and embrace the now. Let him embrace his now. Alone. With her.

    Honestly. Tmt. I would keep my distance from son, too. Nothing. This has been oh so painful. He seems to be clueless. There seems to be not much hope he will catch on. For now. That makes him toxic. I'm sorry.

    I feel for your daughter but she contributed to this mess, I think.

    I would try to find a way to be there for grandson. He will feel your absence.

    I am sorry. Now it is time to take care of you
     
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  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    That she has no return ticket and no money perversely may help. What more can she do to screw things up with no money? (Uh oh. I don't want to know.)

    Where's son going to run to? His options are dwindling as are hers, the more they buck and run. Its kind of like a cattle chute. (I hope) All that matters now is that you stay out of it, and grandson is protected. That's what I think. The rest is just noise. You've done the hard part.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 24, 2018
  5. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    I had a bet that she was coming anyway and would go to his sisters. Somethings are as predictable as the sun rising.
     
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  6. Toomanytears

    Toomanytears Member

    It’s been 10 days since my Christmas Eve meltdown.

    girlfriend is STILL with son at daughter’s house. Son did walk up Xmas Eve for a visit. Xmas day son spent the afternoon/early evening with his son here..(about 5 hrs) that’s all the time allotted this year with grandson due to his ex’s family traveling to see out of state family this year.

    I still have had no contact or seen girlfriend.
    Even on Xmas Day. I did get 2 texts from her asking to come up and talk, how she prays to be “ just like me one day” ...smh. I deleted them all.

    She has however contacted hubby. Yesterday she asked him to buy her a ticket to get back home. She needed to be home Wednesday or Thursday. Hubby just wants her out and gone. I think she should find her own way. She got here, let her get home. He told her she had real balls to fly in one way and expect us to pick up the tab to get her back.

    Son is quiet. He understands that my relationship with him may be forever changed. His Dad told him I’m broken and I may have to take a long break from seeing him while he is away. Son’s response, “she’s not going to come to see me?” His Dad replied,”I can honestly say she may not see you over the next five years, and if things don’t turn around I’ll be choosing that also.

    Our hearts are broken and tired.

    12 days and counting.
     
  7. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Ugh. I’m so sorry they are putting you through all this last minute drama. It sounds like it may be a relief when the 12 days is up, as hard as it will be. I don’t blame you for how you feel right now. Be easy on yourself these next couple weeks. You don’t have to make any final decisions on what you will or won’t do while he’s inside right now. Just let yourself feel what you feel and take care of yourself.

    Personally, I’d be tempted to tell the girlfriend she can walk or hitchhike back. She certainly has some...nerve.
     
  8. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I agree it is not your responsibility to get her home. Even if you choose not to see your son you may choose to write to him it is your decision. Ultimately you have to take care of yourselves first take the break you need .
     
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  9. Moved On

    Moved On New Member

    TMT, I don't know how you are holding it together. You are one strong woman. I am thinking of you and praying for you.
     
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  10. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    TMT, Hugs. I wouldn't pay for her to get home. She will just turn around and come back or find money to get him there! BEWARE!!! She came here with enough money to get home (bet on it) she has just hatched a new plan to use the funds a different way.
    You and hubby both need a deserve a break when ds is confined. I hope you can take the time and funds to just go on a vacation, sit on a beach somewhere and relax.
     
  11. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    TMT,

    There is no way in the world that I would pay for anything whatsoever for this woman who abandoned her kids and unwisely used her money to fly to your area. It would only be teaching her that she can do these kinds of things and other people will step in to clean up her mess and make sure she is she gets back home when she needs to. She is a grown, practically middle-aged woman, and she needs to figure out life for herself.

    I don’t, however, see her as a threat to your son. He is a grown, practically middle-aged man himself and will do what he wants to do regardless. This female isn’t calling the shots. She isn’t the main problem.

    I would let them solve their own problems.