A little update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I realized I haven't updated our stuff lately, so I thought it would be a good time. husband and I and the dogs are doing pretty well. A year ago I was totally tired of him and his laziness, but having put him out of the car in a downpour 2 miles from home did both of us a world of good. That wasn't the end to our troubles, but it gave us a point at which we both realized that we were done with rehashing the same old problems again. ;) Also, we are essentially done with the inside work to be done on the house, so anything to be done is just general upkeep or small one day projects.

    M had been working in the office where L's dad works as an administrative assistant. They let him go just before Christmas. I hope that someone (other than me because I'm a clueless clot) will explain to him that they didn't let him go because he made a mistake - which he did - but because when they talked to him about it he was more interested in coming up with excuses than in learning from his mistake. So, he is now living with a girlfriend and some roommates and working swing shift at a Plaid Pantry in a really dicey neighborhood. I have told him about Voc Rehab, and I hope he will go, but he feels like he should stay at the job that he has to avoid looking like someone who bounces from job to job. I know that's an admirable stance, but I'm sure that the job is physically demanding on him. Oh well. I made the suggestion and that's all I can do. He can ask me again if he wants more info.

    L turned 26 in March and her dad seems to have followed through on the "she's cut off" at that time. She's working as a nanny since February. Of course, it's only been a month that she's been cut off, so we'll see how that goes. We went through the "I think my boyfriend will ask me to marry him" at Christmas, Valentines, her birthday, and their 5 year anniversary this month. He didn't. He is selling his house because he is a car dealer and times are bad.

    L's dad finished paying off her car last month, so you have to know what she did. She traded in her paid for car to buy a brand new Nissan Exterra. Her boyfriend got her a deal, so her payment isn't terrible. I'm hoping that now that she has this monthly obligation in her name only she will see that she has to keep on working no matter what. She's nannied before, but she usually doesn't last much more than a year. She tends to think she knows what's best for other people's children, and that doesn't work for long.

    You might remember that the last two times that her boyfriend moved he moved without her. It always seems to work out that she gets a job, he sells his house or buys a house, and she is not invited to move with him. I have no clue as to what will happen this time. They have a dog, so that's different. He didn't want the dog, so I don't know. I hope that they will try to find a place that can take both L and the dog. She's not making enough to make it on her own, and she's a terrible roommate. But, I'm staying out of it. And she's not moving in with us again.

    I am still working 6 - 8 hours a week. I've had a lot of pain this past few weeks from over-exertion. It happens every spring, because I think that I can work in the yard and once I start something I can't bring myself to stop until the job is finished. I'm trying really hard to engage husband in the yard to help me out. We both actually really enjoy getting out in the yard and making a dent in the weeds or repairing fences or planting flowers, but it's not something he would choose on his own. So far we haven't had a big blow-out. Yet. We've been close, but we're both trying really hard to be sure that everyone is on the same page whether it's his book or mine, if you know what I mean.

    So, all in all, things are good. I'm not worked up about the kids or the house, and that's a good thing.:D
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the update, Witz. It sounds like things are reasonably stable.. a very good thing !
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Witz, that was a very comprehensive update! Thanks.

    I hope things work out with L and her nanny position, the new car, the boyfriend moving (without her? how does he do that?).

    Glad you and H are getting outdoors and trying to work peaceably with one another. That is usually the only time I don't want to hit H with a shovel - when he's helping me in my gardens. Hahaha.

    Sounds like, M, along with my difficult child, needs to figure this out on his own, in most cases, the more difficult way. I wish him well.

  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Witz--thanks for the update. You seem to be in a more positive place now and seem to have "mastered" the detachment stuff enough to know you can have your children in your life and not have them make it miserable...I'm also one who tends to have to finish a job if I start it, and so it seems I'm starting fewer and fewer jobs these day around the house. I'd like to learn to master that little hang-up so I can get myself to start some things I want to get done.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all. You know, Jo, it's not so much about how he moves without her that confounds me, it's how she has gotten back into the house three times that I can't figure out.
  6. ML

    ML Guest

    Thank for the update! I have some thoughts and will come back later to write again, running out late for work now :) ML
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well that's very good news.....everyone working, everyone working together.....and Daddy War Bucks gets a few extra golf dollars in his bag.

    Are we supposed to tell you about our life update ? I didn't know if this was a you post or a hey everyone post.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    It sounds as if overall things are going well, Witz. That's great! :thumbsup:

  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I just like to keep up. Things seem pretty boring most of the time here. Probably because I don't involve myself in a lot of drama that's not mine, lately. But, I realized that while I had been on vacation and while my account was a little messed up there for a while I hadn't updated anything, and probably hadn't said much about the kids lately, either.

    But I'd love to hear about the rest of your boring lives, too! Then I wouldn't feel so out of the loop!:D
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Last edited: May 1, 2009
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    As I read your update I'm impressed by your resolve and strength to detach from the consequences of M's & L's choices.

    I'm glad to hear that you and husband are addressing issues. I know what you mean about one thing just triggering all the pent up anger (like a walk home in the pouring rain) and then you have to decide what to do with it once it's out there. I'm glad you are working through it. Relationships sure are a lot of work.


  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Witz I swear I thought I responded to this post, must've hit something wrong.

    Sounds like a pretty good update to me. Glad ex followed thru for a change. Nice to hear you and husband are working on things.

    Boring can be a good thing. I can't wait to have boring. lol

  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, man, I tell you! Boring is great! It wasn't so very long ago that every time I came home I was wondering which bomb was triggered to go off when I walked in the door. What did M decide to take an ax or power drill to today? How many lies did L tell? I don't miss those days at all!
  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Can't believe L is 26 and still hanging on to a guy who she thinks will marry her.
    M trying to keep a job is a good thing. Of couse, going to voc rehab doesn't mean he can't keep this job. Voc rehab takes forever so maybe this should be a simultaneous plan.

    I know, I know, what do parents know?

    Boring is good in my life too.
    Glad you and husband are slogging through the bad chapters to build into the good chapters. Marriage is work that's for sure. Good for you.
    Where did you go on vacation?
  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    We went to Mazatlan for two weeks in March, and it was wonderful. We go every spring. It's really nice to get away from the gray skies. husband and I will celebrate our 25th in 2011, so I am thinking of trading a couple of weeks and heading to Hawaii that year. We have never been. I know it's more expensive, but we'll have to see if we can work something out.

    I agree about Voc Rehab for M, but I said my piece, and he is making up his own mind. He's only 22, and it's his life to live. I am comfortable with knowing that he gets to make his own choices. Looking back at how much I tried to live my life to please my parents, and sometimes to spite my parents, I think this is more comfortable for me. In the long run, with his denial that anything is ever his fault, I think it's the right way to go. It still feels like I can't win for losing with him, no matter what I do (or don't) he'll think it's the wrong thing. So, I think this is the best choice for all of us.
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hey thanks for the update. Your wording regarding you and husband was so for lack of better words, perfect how you stated we were tired of bringing up the same issues or problems over again. good for both of you!!

    everything else sounds pretty good. i'm glad for you. boring is great, i 'm not comfy in it, yet i never have it lol.

    i planted flowers today and now i'm watching a movie 40 year old virgin so so funny. how's that for boring?? :)