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A living nightmear!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710312" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am wondering if this is legal. I would not want you in any trouble. It would hurt you and hurt the kids.</p><p></p><p>I do not see where you have good options, at least right now. Actually, if she was to stay with this guy, maybe she might WANT to give you the kids to care for. He will soon tire of the children, don't you think? Would you want full custody?</p><p></p><p>I would not take the kids without a legal document granting you custody. The attorney will know how to handle this.</p><p></p><p>Meanwhile? What can you do? Except try to keep going...distracting yourself as you can...praying and having hope.</p><p></p><p>As far as what to say to your oldest grandchild, I would say the truth: I wish you were here with us, too. Grandpa and I love you so much and miss you so much. Mommy says she will bring you to visit when she can. I love you so much. I cannot wait to see you.</p><p></p><p>I would stay upbeat. Young children's awareness of time is not the same as our own. I would try very hard to stay calm, reassuring, confident and hopeful.</p><p></p><p>When you think about it children that age have to deal with absence and loss all the time. Maybe you can google how to tell a young child about divorce and separation. How to explain it.</p><p></p><p>I was older when my parents divorced. Eight. My sister was 3 or 4. We survived. It was hard, but we made it.</p><p></p><p>As far as this idiot guy, (and this mother who seems not too much better), do you really see any hope for this relationship long-term? I mean, does it really have what it takes to survive? If he is using her, do you really think either one of you will hang on through thick and thin?</p><p></p><p>I don't. Meanwhile you have to figure out how to survive this. More than survive. Actually you are doing great, I think. The attorney was very smart. You are looking for support. You found us.</p><p></p><p>But I do get it. I would be frightened and heartbroken too. I am not minimizing it. But the thing is, you have to do this. You are really all those kid have right now. They need you to stay strong.</p><p></p><p>All this mother needed was another child. Do you think she will get pregnant again? I have heard of mothers who will let go of their older children when they have a new baby with a new man. Would you want to adopt them? Do you think this might be a possibility?</p><p></p><p>My point is this: I might think through what it is I want for myself, what I can handle...I would do this now, so that you are prepared and know your limits, and your capacity now--before you might be presented with a real situation.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710312, member: 18958"] I am wondering if this is legal. I would not want you in any trouble. It would hurt you and hurt the kids. I do not see where you have good options, at least right now. Actually, if she was to stay with this guy, maybe she might WANT to give you the kids to care for. He will soon tire of the children, don't you think? Would you want full custody? I would not take the kids without a legal document granting you custody. The attorney will know how to handle this. Meanwhile? What can you do? Except try to keep going...distracting yourself as you can...praying and having hope. As far as what to say to your oldest grandchild, I would say the truth: I wish you were here with us, too. Grandpa and I love you so much and miss you so much. Mommy says she will bring you to visit when she can. I love you so much. I cannot wait to see you. I would stay upbeat. Young children's awareness of time is not the same as our own. I would try very hard to stay calm, reassuring, confident and hopeful. When you think about it children that age have to deal with absence and loss all the time. Maybe you can google how to tell a young child about divorce and separation. How to explain it. I was older when my parents divorced. Eight. My sister was 3 or 4. We survived. It was hard, but we made it. As far as this idiot guy, (and this mother who seems not too much better), do you really see any hope for this relationship long-term? I mean, does it really have what it takes to survive? If he is using her, do you really think either one of you will hang on through thick and thin? I don't. Meanwhile you have to figure out how to survive this. More than survive. Actually you are doing great, I think. The attorney was very smart. You are looking for support. You found us. But I do get it. I would be frightened and heartbroken too. I am not minimizing it. But the thing is, you have to do this. You are really all those kid have right now. They need you to stay strong. All this mother needed was another child. Do you think she will get pregnant again? I have heard of mothers who will let go of their older children when they have a new baby with a new man. Would you want to adopt them? Do you think this might be a possibility? My point is this: I might think through what it is I want for myself, what I can handle...I would do this now, so that you are prepared and know your limits, and your capacity now--before you might be presented with a real situation. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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