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A living nightmear!
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 710427" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I respectfully remind the other poster that the original poster said her daughter is probably borderline and that it exists. Sadly, it does. I feel advice seeking posters should not disregard anything anyone says here if it resonates.</p><p></p><p>When I first came here, fifteen years ago, I needed so much help. And certain posters resonated with me, others did not. The cool part that helped was that it is our choice. I never felt that overinvolvement and overtalking helped my adult kids (I never forget they are adults). But I appreciated sll responses. It made me feel not so alone.</p><p></p><p>With the gracious help here, i got advice, some helpful to my situation, some not.Every post was welcome and cherished. People cared. I was so battered and alone that it helped just to get responses. Maybe thats why I still try to respond.</p><p></p><p>At this time, precious Copa and me tend to type long responses. That doesnt make them better than anyone elses or one anothers. They are two opinions. Written from the heart.</p><p></p><p>In my case, my kids are all now employed and on their own so I share how I got them there. Two had had big problems. One still has a dufficult personality. He has narcicist traits and borderline is similar. When my son gets abusive I wont talk/text him until he shows respect so he shows it more often now. I dont hand him words he can scream at me over. With him less is more. So I do what works for me. And him.</p><p></p><p>I learned not to overtalk to him because my particular adult son will twist my words and use them against me. Im lust too old for drama. I am lucky that he did get his act together at least in the form of a very good job, a house, a car, one thing he never does is ask for money. It wo t happen. All my kids are financially independent, even my youngest who is just turning 21 and still in school and my 23 year old high functioning autistic son. He is independent too, a miracle. We were told it could not happen with him. It did.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow that is my story. I had very young kids when I first csme here. I learned by getting a variety of feedback and feeling grateful to all advice and to everyone who showed they cared. I also had much therapy for myself, ehich was invaluable in helping me cope and make hard decisions. I highly recommend therapy.</p><p></p><p>Copa is wise and loving, dealing with a difficult son and sharing her intelligence and personal experiences. I am not as talented a writer, but my words come from my own experiences and sadly I am well acquainted with how to handle people with Cluster B personality dusorders.They exist. How I wish they didnt! I read Walking on Eggshells many times. Another book that helped me was Codependent No More by Melody Beattie (probably spelled her name wrong.) Boundaries by Townstead and Cloud is awesome! It has a Christian slant, but it could be helpful to anyone. It is just good sense.</p><p></p><p>People like us with beloved difficult adult children sometimes have trouble with boundaries partly because they are not always rational and they dont always appreciate reason. And my son doesnt reason well.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is suppised to pay you back. I personally would hold her to it. That doesnt mean my way is the only way. I come here as one who does not have enough money in the bank to support an adult child. Your situation is your own. You know it best. Nobody else does.</p><p></p><p>I humbly admit that what worked so well for my adult kids may not work for yours. But I gave you my best.</p><p></p><p>Take what works for you and leave the rest and just know we all really care for you, even though we may offer different points of view. And we care for and cheer for one another. I pray for all of us every night before I go to sleep.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you decide to do, we will all support your decision as we support one another.</p><p></p><p>Lastly Copa is a blessing to us. I dont think she thinks I think so, but I do. </p><p></p><p>My goal is to shorten my responses!!!! Yeesh I get wordy!!! For that I apoligize!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 710427, member: 1550"] I respectfully remind the other poster that the original poster said her daughter is probably borderline and that it exists. Sadly, it does. I feel advice seeking posters should not disregard anything anyone says here if it resonates. When I first came here, fifteen years ago, I needed so much help. And certain posters resonated with me, others did not. The cool part that helped was that it is our choice. I never felt that overinvolvement and overtalking helped my adult kids (I never forget they are adults). But I appreciated sll responses. It made me feel not so alone. With the gracious help here, i got advice, some helpful to my situation, some not.Every post was welcome and cherished. People cared. I was so battered and alone that it helped just to get responses. Maybe thats why I still try to respond. At this time, precious Copa and me tend to type long responses. That doesnt make them better than anyone elses or one anothers. They are two opinions. Written from the heart. In my case, my kids are all now employed and on their own so I share how I got them there. Two had had big problems. One still has a dufficult personality. He has narcicist traits and borderline is similar. When my son gets abusive I wont talk/text him until he shows respect so he shows it more often now. I dont hand him words he can scream at me over. With him less is more. So I do what works for me. And him. I learned not to overtalk to him because my particular adult son will twist my words and use them against me. Im lust too old for drama. I am lucky that he did get his act together at least in the form of a very good job, a house, a car, one thing he never does is ask for money. It wo t happen. All my kids are financially independent, even my youngest who is just turning 21 and still in school and my 23 year old high functioning autistic son. He is independent too, a miracle. We were told it could not happen with him. It did. Anyhow that is my story. I had very young kids when I first csme here. I learned by getting a variety of feedback and feeling grateful to all advice and to everyone who showed they cared. I also had much therapy for myself, ehich was invaluable in helping me cope and make hard decisions. I highly recommend therapy. Copa is wise and loving, dealing with a difficult son and sharing her intelligence and personal experiences. I am not as talented a writer, but my words come from my own experiences and sadly I am well acquainted with how to handle people with Cluster B personality dusorders.They exist. How I wish they didnt! I read Walking on Eggshells many times. Another book that helped me was Codependent No More by Melody Beattie (probably spelled her name wrong.) Boundaries by Townstead and Cloud is awesome! It has a Christian slant, but it could be helpful to anyone. It is just good sense. People like us with beloved difficult adult children sometimes have trouble with boundaries partly because they are not always rational and they dont always appreciate reason. And my son doesnt reason well. Your daughter is suppised to pay you back. I personally would hold her to it. That doesnt mean my way is the only way. I come here as one who does not have enough money in the bank to support an adult child. Your situation is your own. You know it best. Nobody else does. I humbly admit that what worked so well for my adult kids may not work for yours. But I gave you my best. Take what works for you and leave the rest and just know we all really care for you, even though we may offer different points of view. And we care for and cheer for one another. I pray for all of us every night before I go to sleep. Whatever you decide to do, we will all support your decision as we support one another. Lastly Copa is a blessing to us. I dont think she thinks I think so, but I do. My goal is to shorten my responses!!!! Yeesh I get wordy!!! For that I apoligize!!! [/QUOTE]
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