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A living nightmear!
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710491" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>She is 22 years old with a 3 year old and a newborn.</p><p></p><p>While there is only the possibility that support will give her the stability and the security to change and grow, is thrusting her out into the cold what this mother wants, and will it benefit and protect these children, who their grandmother adores?</p><p></p><p>Boundaries do not necessarily entail complete abandonment of the adult child.</p><p></p><p>Not all young women are able to be independent emotionally of their mothers, right out of the gate. This is a major theme in psychiatric literature. When the mother-daughter bond has its issues (I am raising my hand here. I think the FOO threads are about this). Whatever issues there are spring forth from a maternal relationship of which Betty is a part, and is in part, responsible, as all of us are. I see Betty offering support, listening and integrity.</p><p></p><p>There are mothers who completely reject their adult daughters and make them bad and wrong...and disown them. Letting them and their children suffer and fall. Rather than try to begin where they are and to take responsibility for their part.</p><p></p><p>Rejecting this daughter and, and casting her out with her tiny children to me might be a self-righteous and self-serving act...but how would recovery happen for anybody? And it would likely destroy any chance the babies have.</p><p></p><p>Nothing horrible ever came from taking responsibility. By taking responsibility, I mean <u>for my part.</u> For communicating where I stand, and trying to live well. This is what this grandmother is doing. I support her.</p><p></p><p>What she did was open up a dialog with her child. She did it for everybody's sakes. It was strong, mature and wise. She will go from there. She did not forgive the debt and she did not endorse living badly or irresponsibly. She spoke from integrity and love.</p><p></p><p>Betty's daughter is very young. Not all of us are so perfect that our children launch effortlessly. Sometimes we have to go back to the drawing board.</p><p></p><p>Betty. I think you did well. How do you feel?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710491, member: 18958"] She is 22 years old with a 3 year old and a newborn. While there is only the possibility that support will give her the stability and the security to change and grow, is thrusting her out into the cold what this mother wants, and will it benefit and protect these children, who their grandmother adores? Boundaries do not necessarily entail complete abandonment of the adult child. Not all young women are able to be independent emotionally of their mothers, right out of the gate. This is a major theme in psychiatric literature. When the mother-daughter bond has its issues (I am raising my hand here. I think the FOO threads are about this). Whatever issues there are spring forth from a maternal relationship of which Betty is a part, and is in part, responsible, as all of us are. I see Betty offering support, listening and integrity. There are mothers who completely reject their adult daughters and make them bad and wrong...and disown them. Letting them and their children suffer and fall. Rather than try to begin where they are and to take responsibility for their part. Rejecting this daughter and, and casting her out with her tiny children to me might be a self-righteous and self-serving act...but how would recovery happen for anybody? And it would likely destroy any chance the babies have. Nothing horrible ever came from taking responsibility. By taking responsibility, I mean [U]for my part.[/U] For communicating where I stand, and trying to live well. This is what this grandmother is doing. I support her. What she did was open up a dialog with her child. She did it for everybody's sakes. It was strong, mature and wise. She will go from there. She did not forgive the debt and she did not endorse living badly or irresponsibly. She spoke from integrity and love. Betty's daughter is very young. Not all of us are so perfect that our children launch effortlessly. Sometimes we have to go back to the drawing board. Betty. I think you did well. How do you feel? [/QUOTE]
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