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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 662465" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Lila, your feelings are your feelings and...you need to accept them and feel them. Don't try to fight what you feel.</p><p></p><p>But...here is where the change comes in. Don't act. When you are feeling panicked and anxious and scared...that is the time to scrub the kitchen floor, walk 10 times around the block, hit a pillow...but don't act. Don't call don't text don't go don't write. </p><p></p><p>If you can start changing the pattern of her dropping a "bomb" on you...and you reacting to that bomb...you will start to change the pattern that has developed over many many years. And Lila...where has that pattern gotten you or her? Right where you are today.</p><p></p><p>Almost nothing is ever an emergency with DCs. Truly.</p><p></p><p>Start creating and maintaining your own private peace that is completely separate from her.</p><p></p><p>Have you been to any alanon meetings? They will be like an instant tonic and antidote to your panic, fear and need to react. I used to go to a meeting every single day when times were really bad.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for your pain. This is a journey, taken one step at a time, one day at a time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 662465, member: 17542"] Lila, your feelings are your feelings and...you need to accept them and feel them. Don't try to fight what you feel. But...here is where the change comes in. Don't act. When you are feeling panicked and anxious and scared...that is the time to scrub the kitchen floor, walk 10 times around the block, hit a pillow...but don't act. Don't call don't text don't go don't write. If you can start changing the pattern of her dropping a "bomb" on you...and you reacting to that bomb...you will start to change the pattern that has developed over many many years. And Lila...where has that pattern gotten you or her? Right where you are today. Almost nothing is ever an emergency with DCs. Truly. Start creating and maintaining your own private peace that is completely separate from her. Have you been to any alanon meetings? They will be like an instant tonic and antidote to your panic, fear and need to react. I used to go to a meeting every single day when times were really bad. I am sorry for your pain. This is a journey, taken one step at a time, one day at a time. [/QUOTE]
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