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Substance Abuse
A mixture of mess
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<blockquote data-quote="Guidance seeker" data-source="post: 727328" data-attributes="member: 22632"><p>LIS - I really feel for you, there are so many similarities in our sons. They would probably end up friends if they knew each other.</p><p></p><p>The horrible smell of their washing - my son’s is a stale smoke/cannabis smell - even after they’ve been washed I can faintly smell cannabis when the tumble drier is on. </p><p></p><p>Well done for not paying his debt - you won’t get it back and it will be replaced by more debt. You’re doing the right thing and helping him to learn that debts don’t magically vanish. My son took out 4 iPhone contracts - there is only one iPhone left to show for these and that has a broken screen now - I expect the others were sold. I saw a letter saying he owed at least one phone company over £1000 but I’m not allowing myself to worry about it because I know he’d just try another scam and run up more debt.</p><p></p><p>Please don’t feel guilty, I think it would be worse for him if you paid because it would prevent him from learning - he may never learn but definitely won’t if his debts are paid.</p><p></p><p>I know you’re worried about his mental health and about how long he will have a place to stay but I do believe you’re doing the right thing by not bailing him out.</p><p></p><p>Regarding court - my biggest worry used to be that my son would go to prison, I worry much less since I had a conversation with his probation officer who told me that she has seen young men turn their lives around completely since going to prison and she feels it can be a positive thing. In my job I have also nursed many people who have served long spells in prison and they too have became more disciplined with themselves and led better lives. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone who has served time in prison but it gives me hope if things come to that. My son has already been back at court for not complying with his community order and I know the court system won’t tolerate this forever. I feel guilt as it was me that pressed charges against him in the first place but he left me with no choice in the end.</p><p></p><p>I’ve been advised on here to care for myself, to learn to love myself more and I think you should try to concentrate on that too. I know it’s easier said than done and I think we are both at a similar stage in this but you really do deserve to be happy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Guidance seeker, post: 727328, member: 22632"] LIS - I really feel for you, there are so many similarities in our sons. They would probably end up friends if they knew each other. The horrible smell of their washing - my son’s is a stale smoke/cannabis smell - even after they’ve been washed I can faintly smell cannabis when the tumble drier is on. Well done for not paying his debt - you won’t get it back and it will be replaced by more debt. You’re doing the right thing and helping him to learn that debts don’t magically vanish. My son took out 4 iPhone contracts - there is only one iPhone left to show for these and that has a broken screen now - I expect the others were sold. I saw a letter saying he owed at least one phone company over £1000 but I’m not allowing myself to worry about it because I know he’d just try another scam and run up more debt. Please don’t feel guilty, I think it would be worse for him if you paid because it would prevent him from learning - he may never learn but definitely won’t if his debts are paid. I know you’re worried about his mental health and about how long he will have a place to stay but I do believe you’re doing the right thing by not bailing him out. Regarding court - my biggest worry used to be that my son would go to prison, I worry much less since I had a conversation with his probation officer who told me that she has seen young men turn their lives around completely since going to prison and she feels it can be a positive thing. In my job I have also nursed many people who have served long spells in prison and they too have became more disciplined with themselves and led better lives. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone who has served time in prison but it gives me hope if things come to that. My son has already been back at court for not complying with his community order and I know the court system won’t tolerate this forever. I feel guilt as it was me that pressed charges against him in the first place but he left me with no choice in the end. I’ve been advised on here to care for myself, to learn to love myself more and I think you should try to concentrate on that too. I know it’s easier said than done and I think we are both at a similar stage in this but you really do deserve to be happy. [/QUOTE]
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