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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 750249" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Yes, I have done lots of work to detach but I also spent many years enabling and staying stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) I wish I would have found this site years ago!! I literally could have saved tens of thousands of dollars and my sanity!</p><p>My husband and I tried everything to help our son. I know first hand that giving them money and things will never solve their problems.</p><p>The main thing I did to detach was to accept that my son was going to live his life on his terms and any hopes and dreams I had for him would never come to reality. I also realized that the hopes and dreams I had were mine, not his. </p><p>I don't think I will ever understand or like the way my son chooses to live his life but it's his life, not mine. I need to live my life and he needs to live his life. </p><p>It's been several months since I have heard anything from my son. We have gone over a year not hearing from him. These types of lapses of communication used to really bother me where I would get sucked into the "what if's", what if he's dead, hurt, in jail, overdosing, etc........... I came to a place of letting go of all of that when I allowed myself to grieve. I grieved for the sweet little boy I once had, I grieved for the lost hopes and dreams, I grieved for the relationship I wish I could have had with him. You see, grieving is not just for when someone dies but that being said, I also had to accept that he very well could die and I would never know.</p><p>This has not been an easy journey for sure but I am living proof that you can move on from the chaos, you can move on to live a happy and fulfilled life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 750249, member: 18516"] Yes, I have done lots of work to detach but I also spent many years enabling and staying stuck in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) I wish I would have found this site years ago!! I literally could have saved tens of thousands of dollars and my sanity! My husband and I tried everything to help our son. I know first hand that giving them money and things will never solve their problems. The main thing I did to detach was to accept that my son was going to live his life on his terms and any hopes and dreams I had for him would never come to reality. I also realized that the hopes and dreams I had were mine, not his. I don't think I will ever understand or like the way my son chooses to live his life but it's his life, not mine. I need to live my life and he needs to live his life. It's been several months since I have heard anything from my son. We have gone over a year not hearing from him. These types of lapses of communication used to really bother me where I would get sucked into the "what if's", what if he's dead, hurt, in jail, overdosing, etc........... I came to a place of letting go of all of that when I allowed myself to grieve. I grieved for the sweet little boy I once had, I grieved for the lost hopes and dreams, I grieved for the relationship I wish I could have had with him. You see, grieving is not just for when someone dies but that being said, I also had to accept that he very well could die and I would never know. This has not been an easy journey for sure but I am living proof that you can move on from the chaos, you can move on to live a happy and fulfilled life. [/QUOTE]
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