Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A Mothers Guilt
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 625261" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I've come to the conclusion that guilt is a worthless emotion, especially when it comes to our adult difficult children. Oh we all feel guilt at one time or another, but really, it's pointless. It accomplishes nothing except to make us feel bad (it certainly doesn't make our difficult children feel bad!) . Dwelling on that stuff doesn't change anything. We've all made mistakes, we all have some regrets and wonder "what if." But no matter what mistakes we made, whatever we did or didn't do for them in the past, <strong><em>our children are adults now</em></strong>. They are responsible for their own choices. If they make bad choices, that's on them, not us. They also have to choice to change. Yes, sometimes alcohol/drugs/mental illness make that choice difficult and fuzzy, but when it comes to my kids it's still <em><strong>their</strong> </em>choice, today, and has nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do 20 or 10 or 2 years ago. When my Youngest moved herself and her kids to FL with a guy that turned out to be a nightmare, and subsequently lost almost everything she owned, it wasn't because I wasn't home enough when she was young or didn't try hard enough to make her go to therapy, or didn't set a good enough example. It was because <strong><em>she</em></strong> made a foolish choice despite everyone telling her it was a mistake.</p><p> </p><p>It took me a long time to get that, and to stop blaming myself -- but once I did, I was able to let go of a lot of the guilt. I just refuse to let it have power over me, ya know? When I feel the old guilt feelings creeping in .. I smash them right back down and remind myself that it changes nothing. A lot of this comes from my therapist -- who is quick to remind me of this when I start talking about regret.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, but it's how I deal with things these days (and why I don't post often, I'm afraid you all will find me heartless!) Please know that you are all good moms (and dads) who love your difficult children - you wouldn't be here if you weren't. What you did before doesn't matter. What you do now, does.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 625261, member: 1157"] I've come to the conclusion that guilt is a worthless emotion, especially when it comes to our adult difficult children. Oh we all feel guilt at one time or another, but really, it's pointless. It accomplishes nothing except to make us feel bad (it certainly doesn't make our difficult children feel bad!) . Dwelling on that stuff doesn't change anything. We've all made mistakes, we all have some regrets and wonder "what if." But no matter what mistakes we made, whatever we did or didn't do for them in the past, [B][I]our children are adults now[/I][/B]. They are responsible for their own choices. If they make bad choices, that's on them, not us. They also have to choice to change. Yes, sometimes alcohol/drugs/mental illness make that choice difficult and fuzzy, but when it comes to my kids it's still [I][B]their[/B] [/I]choice, today, and has nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do 20 or 10 or 2 years ago. When my Youngest moved herself and her kids to FL with a guy that turned out to be a nightmare, and subsequently lost almost everything she owned, it wasn't because I wasn't home enough when she was young or didn't try hard enough to make her go to therapy, or didn't set a good enough example. It was because [B][I]she[/I][/B] made a foolish choice despite everyone telling her it was a mistake. It took me a long time to get that, and to stop blaming myself -- but once I did, I was able to let go of a lot of the guilt. I just refuse to let it have power over me, ya know? When I feel the old guilt feelings creeping in .. I smash them right back down and remind myself that it changes nothing. A lot of this comes from my therapist -- who is quick to remind me of this when I start talking about regret. I hope that doesn't sound too harsh, but it's how I deal with things these days (and why I don't post often, I'm afraid you all will find me heartless!) Please know that you are all good moms (and dads) who love your difficult children - you wouldn't be here if you weren't. What you did before doesn't matter. What you do now, does. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
A Mothers Guilt
Top