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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 625309" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>SS, I love your rule about reading and video games. I wish I had thought of that, me, the consummate reader, who tried so hard to get my sons to love to read. difficult child actually does like to read now (big success! Yay! Lol, I did that, right? Ha.) In fact, when I went and got his backpack two weeks ago from the day shelter, there was a library book in there about WWII. He loves to read about that. I do, too. </p><p></p><p>But I hated video games, and the male obsession with them. I feel like I fought those things for years. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I still feel such pain when I am with a group of friends, women, and everybody is talking about easy child did this, and easy child is doing that, and then they will go here, and there, and got this degree and this job and this trip and blah blah blah. I know it's my issue. Of course they are happy for there adult children and proud and relieved, and all of the things parents are when we see things turn out. Turning out is the prize. Not turning out is the curse. I have both---one easy child and one difficult child. I still don't know how to reconcile that pain and sadness. But there is acceptance in the sadness. I also shake myself and regain my hope---hey it's not over yet. He's only 24.5. He can still have a good life, whatever that looks like. If he chooses it. </p><p></p><p>And so it goes. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I see progress in that statement Terry. When we start saying "I need to...." then our focus is on US, right where it needs to be. Not them. Us. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>The first time I went out with SO over three years ago, we took a really long walk on the greenway, for about three hours. We talked and talked. I told him that day that I am a hopeless romantic. That part of me is one of the good things about me, and taken too far, one of the character defects. I love books and movies and the white knight on the white horse, and flowers and candy and kisses and long looks and romantic Hallmark cards and that excited feeling and everything turning out all right. I love all of that stuff. But I can't live there. It's not real. I have finally learned that. I still like it, but it's not real. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I love this! This is so true. easy child has a Master's degree, he is so kind and loving and responsible and tries so hard to do the right thing. I hope he doesn't feel extra pressure because of difficult child, but if he does, I can't fix that either. But I didn't do that. HE did. He lived in a $250/month apartment one time for a long time in college. The ceilings were slanted so in parts of it---it was a tiny attic apartment---he couldn't stand up. Like in the shower. He had to lean or squat to get his whole body wet. He lived there for several years even for a year after his college graduation before he went off to work on his Master's. He paid for the whole apartment after graduation---he got a full time job for a year at a vet's office and supported himself. He took responsibility and he deferred gratification. He is doing so well, and I have had to learn to let him go, too. What a blessing that I have easy child and difficult child both, to show me these things. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What progress in that simple statement, Terry. Again. </p><p></p><p>Blessings and hugs to you today, my Vol friend. Not too far down the road from you, here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 625309, member: 17542"] SS, I love your rule about reading and video games. I wish I had thought of that, me, the consummate reader, who tried so hard to get my sons to love to read. difficult child actually does like to read now (big success! Yay! Lol, I did that, right? Ha.) In fact, when I went and got his backpack two weeks ago from the day shelter, there was a library book in there about WWII. He loves to read about that. I do, too. But I hated video games, and the male obsession with them. I feel like I fought those things for years. Yes, I still feel such pain when I am with a group of friends, women, and everybody is talking about easy child did this, and easy child is doing that, and then they will go here, and there, and got this degree and this job and this trip and blah blah blah. I know it's my issue. Of course they are happy for there adult children and proud and relieved, and all of the things parents are when we see things turn out. Turning out is the prize. Not turning out is the curse. I have both---one easy child and one difficult child. I still don't know how to reconcile that pain and sadness. But there is acceptance in the sadness. I also shake myself and regain my hope---hey it's not over yet. He's only 24.5. He can still have a good life, whatever that looks like. If he chooses it. And so it goes. I see progress in that statement Terry. When we start saying "I need to...." then our focus is on US, right where it needs to be. Not them. Us. The first time I went out with SO over three years ago, we took a really long walk on the greenway, for about three hours. We talked and talked. I told him that day that I am a hopeless romantic. That part of me is one of the good things about me, and taken too far, one of the character defects. I love books and movies and the white knight on the white horse, and flowers and candy and kisses and long looks and romantic Hallmark cards and that excited feeling and everything turning out all right. I love all of that stuff. But I can't live there. It's not real. I have finally learned that. I still like it, but it's not real. Yes, I love this! This is so true. easy child has a Master's degree, he is so kind and loving and responsible and tries so hard to do the right thing. I hope he doesn't feel extra pressure because of difficult child, but if he does, I can't fix that either. But I didn't do that. HE did. He lived in a $250/month apartment one time for a long time in college. The ceilings were slanted so in parts of it---it was a tiny attic apartment---he couldn't stand up. Like in the shower. He had to lean or squat to get his whole body wet. He lived there for several years even for a year after his college graduation before he went off to work on his Master's. He paid for the whole apartment after graduation---he got a full time job for a year at a vet's office and supported himself. He took responsibility and he deferred gratification. He is doing so well, and I have had to learn to let him go, too. What a blessing that I have easy child and difficult child both, to show me these things. What progress in that simple statement, Terry. Again. Blessings and hugs to you today, my Vol friend. Not too far down the road from you, here. [/QUOTE]
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