Hello Lostinsadness, Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I have tried private therapy and it has helped some. I stopped over the last 18 months and also gave up medications to calm me which I felt I had to be a big girl Mom and give up. Now we are back to the roller coaster again. I have realized that I can only speak to my son when I feel I can withstand the negative charge because every other day now for the last 2 months, he goes between "I will survive and am an adult" to "My heart is barely beating, the anxiety and depression is killing me Mom". I'm ready to go to heaven " My son says these things that contradict eachother and leaves me with total PAIn and confusion and the GUILT comes back to me immediately even after I have detached and therapy. I don't know what else to do? Do I just block and pretend that I disappeared forever? This is so painful and such a Mother's nightmare..I saw my Mother go through it but she enabled and never did let go. She forfeited relationships for her love of her son, which I will NOT be foolish enough to do as she did. I feel so responsible for his sadness because I left his father when he was 9 years old and I had a couple affairs before that..my EX told me son everything when he was 13 and now my son reminds me of it all the time and I feel condemned although I have vowed to change my life and GOD knows I am sorry and regretful every second for my mistakes and failings. My daughter who is 18 is an Angel and my current partner , he is so supportive and I feel like my son is killing me slowly emotionally and my soul is bleeding every day for him. I am so blessed and thankful for this site and feel I'm not alone anymore. Pray for us all and I don't know any of you but you are all blessed ANGELS. hugs.