Yesterday was all about my granddaughter's prom. It was a wonderful day for all of us, I felt so proud of her and so grateful for who she has become. As the day drew to an end, I was reading The places that scare you, by Pema Chodron and this paragraph jumped out at me because my thinking has changed about my difficult child and this sums it up: "The third near enemy of compassion is idiot compassion. This is when we avoid conflict and protect our good image by being kind when we should say a definite "no." Compassion doesn't imply only trying to be good. When we find ourselves in an aggressive relationship, we need to set clear boundaries. The kindest thing we can do for everyone concerned is to know when to say "enough." Many people use Buddhist ideals to justify self-debasement. In the name of not shutting our heart, we let people walk all over us. It is said that in order not to break our vow of compassion we have to learn when to stop aggression and draw the line." I have just reached that point where I have to stop the aggression and draw the line. It actually is not difficult. It feels like the natural completion point. When my daughter drove away in her car, I felt that shift within me letting her go, letting her be free, freeing me. I also knew that in taking her cats to the shelter, I was making a choice which would likely create an estrangement. There was something significant about spending my day yesterday with a feeling of such promise with my granddaughter, a sense of a beginning of something which I am a part of. And, at the very same time, there was an ending, the end of my being a part of an "aggressive" relationship. Reading that one line summed up a lot for me. And the recognition that I am now saying, "enough." I also read the last chapter in the book When your adult child breaks your heart, which interestingly is entitled 'Facing reality and walking away.' That's exactly where I am......... walking away. These last 2 1/2 years have been the most challenging of my entire life. I have one child and she has become a person who for whatever reason, cannot make good choices to keep herself safe and free of dire circumstances. Her lifestyle and her choices have a profound negative impact on not only my life, but the lives of my SO and my granddaughter. I have done it all, like everyone here. I have turned over every rock. There is nothing left to do but to "face reality and walk away." I am choosing me. There will undoubtedly be more to the story, however, it's changed for me. Gone are all the tactics to keep me stuck, I worked on those one by one. I worked hard. I feel "done"............... not with anger, or resentment, or anything really, simply a certainty that I am doing the right thing.............. I quietly slipped in to this place and it feels absolutely right. I feel free. I feel relieved. I feel as if an enormous burden has been lifted off of me, it's been lifting for awhile. This feels as if something significant is over. I don't know how this translates into real life..........other then the lack of any emotional reactivity.............but time will tell. And, that's okay. I was reading COM's post earlier about rituals. I am a believer in rituals and myths and how important symbolism is in our lives. I am going to create a ritual for this completion with my daughter. Fire is a tool often used in rituals, I will think on this.