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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631361" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Sorry for your hurting mommy heart.</p><p></p><p>The first thing I'd do is refuse to read his texts or answer the phone when he calls. Set a limit. You will talk to him once a day, if he is going to be pleasant and hang up on him if he isn't. If he starts up on you about what you did or what his stepdad did or what his kissing cousin did, tell him, "I'm sorry, this conversation is over" and hang up again until he gets the message...you will only speak to him when he is being civilized. Tell him, at a time when he is giving you space to talk, that he's a smart man (don't call him a boy, he's not) and that if he wants to figure his life out, he will do it. Don't go any further than that.</p><p></p><p>Make sure he doesn't have keys to your house. This guy sounds violent and revengeful, possibly, and you don't want to let him get inside. If he threatens to kill himself, I call the police here because they will take a suicidal person to ER against their will. I don't know how they handle it where you live. In over ten to twenty years on this board not one adult child who threatened to kill himself actually did it. There is a chance yours will..there is a chance any of ours will...but it usually used as a manipulation tool. It's like the last best threat to scare you into doing what they want you to do, like sending them money. I hope you have a similar response team in Australia so that you can know you did all you can by calling them. We can't stop our grown children from doing the worst. We have no control over that either. The young people I have known who did kill themselves told nobody of their plans. They just did it and shocked everyone.</p><p></p><p>You have more loved ones, not just him, but these adult children can suck all the air out of a room and leave us just obessing over him while ignoring the other loved ones, friends, our hobbies, the things we love to do. Don't let him have that power over your life because you can not do a thing to control his choices. If you have Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings there, I'd go to them to get face time support and to learn to let go with love.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and do something good for yourself TODAY <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> It is best for you AND your son if you start to let go of the stranglehold his dysfunction has on you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631361, member: 1550"] Hi there. Sorry for your hurting mommy heart. The first thing I'd do is refuse to read his texts or answer the phone when he calls. Set a limit. You will talk to him once a day, if he is going to be pleasant and hang up on him if he isn't. If he starts up on you about what you did or what his stepdad did or what his kissing cousin did, tell him, "I'm sorry, this conversation is over" and hang up again until he gets the message...you will only speak to him when he is being civilized. Tell him, at a time when he is giving you space to talk, that he's a smart man (don't call him a boy, he's not) and that if he wants to figure his life out, he will do it. Don't go any further than that. Make sure he doesn't have keys to your house. This guy sounds violent and revengeful, possibly, and you don't want to let him get inside. If he threatens to kill himself, I call the police here because they will take a suicidal person to ER against their will. I don't know how they handle it where you live. In over ten to twenty years on this board not one adult child who threatened to kill himself actually did it. There is a chance yours will..there is a chance any of ours will...but it usually used as a manipulation tool. It's like the last best threat to scare you into doing what they want you to do, like sending them money. I hope you have a similar response team in Australia so that you can know you did all you can by calling them. We can't stop our grown children from doing the worst. We have no control over that either. The young people I have known who did kill themselves told nobody of their plans. They just did it and shocked everyone. You have more loved ones, not just him, but these adult children can suck all the air out of a room and leave us just obessing over him while ignoring the other loved ones, friends, our hobbies, the things we love to do. Don't let him have that power over your life because you can not do a thing to control his choices. If you have Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings there, I'd go to them to get face time support and to learn to let go with love. Hugs and do something good for yourself TODAY :) It is best for you AND your son if you start to let go of the stranglehold his dysfunction has on you. [/QUOTE]
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