A nice conversation with difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by everywoman, Sep 13, 2009.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    this afternoon. He is growing up more quickly now that he is out on his own. And despite his recent arrest for possession (of a baggie with residue), he is doing really well. He is working all the time. He went almost four weeks without a day off. He works double shifts when he is needed. husband and I have taken to going in his rest/bar at least once a week, and the owners have nothing but praise for difficult child.

    I called him to ask him to think about speaking to another young man who is dealing with some anxiety and depression. The boy's mother is one of my best friends, and she mentioned having difficult child talk to her son. I wanted to clear with him before I told her yes. He said he'd be glad to talk to the boy.

    Then we started talking about his anxiety. He explained to me how he has learned to cope with things. He surprised me by saying that one of his triggers in school was those bubble tests. He said he would sit and look at all those bubbles and he would just freak knowing he had to get to the end. He said work is a lot like that. If he looks at all he has to do, he freaks. So he has learned to look at just one task at a time---to try and focus on that task.

    Of course he said that pot is also a big help. He said I know you don't want to hear it, and you probably don't believe it, but is really helps me to calm down with the anxiety is really bad. He said I can't take any of the benzos because I will abuse them...but I don't abuse the pot. I can schedule my use. I didn't argue or fuss---because it wouldn't do any good. And he already knows my feelings about drugs.

    All in all it was a good talk with no raised voices and a lot of dialogue.
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's good that you know that he is being open with you, even though it is not always what you want to hear. I hope that one day I will have that with M. L is always blabbing about how she feels about this and that, but she changes her mind almost as often as she buys a new pair of panties - and that's a lot! I'm not giving up hope yet. ;)
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    My favorite poem is Emily Dickinson's
    Hope is a thing with feathers
    That perches in the soul
    And sings a tune without the words
    And never stops at all

    I've heard it in the strangest lands
    And on the .......seas
    And never in extremity
    It asked a crumb of me.

    That poem speaks volumes about hope. It does spring eternal.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    EW -

    I'm glad to hear that difficult child has found his niche -

    Honestly? I think the pot thing is about () important in regards and relation to the other things he COULD be doing and the fact that he's not abusing Benzos, but knows it.

    I'm sure there are a lot of good debates about yeah pot, boo pot, but...The important thing for now is that he's supporting himself, staying off heavy narcotics, and is gainfully employed. Maybe helping this other kid will help him too.

    I'm glad to hear my lil' nephew isn't in BIG trouble with the G-force. lol (think Guinea pigs) snort - Oh i kill me. You can tell him his Auntie Star calls them that -

    Star -
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    EW, I believe it about those dang bubble tests. Heck, it's been 40 years and I still have test anxiety when I think back. And it has to have been worse for our kids. As a teacher, I am sure you appreciate how dear this confession is.

    I really think the important thing now is to focus on
    Isn't it wonderful?

    Big sigh.

    And hugs,
  6. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    That's awesome. It's so nice to have a real conversation with them, and nicer to know they're being honest with us , as well as themselves. I hope you get many more of those days, and it sounds as if chances of that are really good.
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well, I'm not actually a huge fan of pot myself either. But hey........there are worse things.....and I guess as long as he's staying away from those worse things.....one should count their blessings. He may wise up about the pot yet. Never know what that maturity bug may bring about. lol

    Good to hear he is still doing well. Have to admit I was worried the arrest might throw him for a loop. He's getting there Mom and Dad. And by golly that's one heckova good thing. :D

    You have every reason to be proud of his progress. :)

    Don't tell him I told you (cuz I'll deny it to my grave) but I do know a couple of people who use pot (claim the same reasons) and have only used pot for years and years. If you didn't know, you'd never guess. So......well. Not sure what that says. lol But that I suppose it is actually possible for a few people.