A non-violent VENT

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I just HAVE TO share the latest GFGmom news. I am proud of myself because I didn't "go off" and am "fairly detached" BUT I am chapped off to the max.

    You guys know how she never has any money? You all know that she shows up to borrow $20 for gas at least once a month because she can't get to work the day before payday. You all know that she has collected
    child support for SEVENTEEN years for difficult child and I have gotten less than $500 in the six years he has lived with us.

    Are you ready for this???????????

    Yesterday she shows up crying, apologizing etc. Turns out she filed for and has been collecting Disability for difficult child since before he came to live with us. SS called and left a message for her yesterday on her machine.
    She is now frightened she may lose her job. Guess what? I just mailed
    off the whole packet for easy child/difficult child which shows difficult child living with us AND the fact that NOBODY in our family collects.

    I don't know what makes me angrier. Her keeping $400 a month child support AND about $400 SSD for difficult child while we sweat to finish his dental
    work and keep him in decent clothes. OR The fact that her disabled son
    may now have problems getting the disability approval that he needs because his GFGmom has messed with the system.

    I'm chapped. I'm sad. I told her "I am sorry you made another bad choice but there is no way I can control what the government decides to do about it." I did promise not to tell husband. He truly can't stand her and it would do no good except for me to vent. Instead...I'll vent here. DDD
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    OMG---that is so low down dirty----Sorry! Hope that didn't upset you. It just kills me how someone's "mother" can do something so detrimental to their life and well-being so they can have their nails and hair done and go for tanning appts. I see it all the time. I lived it my whole childhood. UGH!
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    D3, I just want to smack her upside the head. OMG! I can't stop shaking my head. That is a whole lot of fraud- holy smokes.

    I'm so sorry.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Lord. I just cant fathom that. You do know this means he has had medicaid for all these many years right? Unreal.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You must have the detaching down to a fine art. I think on this one, I'd be having an awfully hard time not becoming violent.


  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    We found out shortly after difficult child came to live with us as a foster child, that his bio mom had been claiming some of her kids on her taxes. (At the time she had lost parental rights to 3 of the 4. The fourth one she had signed guardianship over to her mom when he was a baby) The only way we knew this was because two of the other adoptive families told us.

    DDD, you stayed cooler than I would have. Hopefully this won't affect difficult child at all. Yet one more reason to document EVERYTHING. Just sorry you had to use it for this.
  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    DDD, I hope you are not going to help her dig out of this situation - Really, the fraud she is/has pulled for xtra money freebie is unreal. She is lucky cause if it were me, she would still be running down the road trying to catch up with her head I knocked off her shoulders .

    What ever happened to your gd? Last I read cps were investigating for some reason..

    Mega hugs - I hope you roared enough of this sillyness...

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I can believe that you were so cool. I can't believe that she is so cold. What did she think crying to you would do? Get you to fix it? Janet said - And here you are scraping by to get his teeth done and all this time - he has MEDICAID????

    OMG I would have chased her down the road with Marcie.

    You get Cool MOM of the week award - because well - you're just too cool. However you did it - bravo lady.

  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm angry, of course, but resigned to her GFGmom ways. My husband and I discussed applying for disability for difficult child a few years ago and decided not to use the government unless necessary. husband commented at the time "I wouldn't be surprised to find out GFGmom is already collecting." Ha Ha

    Not funny!

    I am not helping her in any way with this. I will tell the truth..period. She swears that the woman asked only if she, gd and difficult child were the only ones in her home and she replied yes. difficult child spends most weekends at her house and therefore she says "well...he does live at my house, too".

    I replied. That is exactly what I will tell if asked. He has lived at our house for six years and recently he began to stay at your house on the weekends. Geez. DDD

    PS: The DCFS inquiry turned out to be about a neighbor child and they were seeking info from GFGmom.
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Well, now that she's gotten scared, do you think she'll change the address on his check to your house, where it should have been all along?

  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I would have a hard time not burying her in the backyard. This is jsut so WRONG.

    Why did you agree not to tell your husband? It seems to me that you should be standing firmly on his side, not even close to taking up for a lying, cheating, fraudulent bad parent who let you struggle all these years to pay her child's bills. You husband worked HARD to pay for stuff for all of you, and to pay for medical/dental/psychiatric care for difficult child.

    I think he needs to know, and it will be very bad all around if he finds out from the paper or someone else.

    I do think you have earned an award for not strangling her. I also admire your calm in this situation.

  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm not sharing the info with husband for his sake. He is a soft spoken loving man who has given his all to our combined family and loves these two boys like a real Dad should. In his lifetime he has disliked three people
    and it is not comfortable for him. GFGmom he absolutely detests. He can not stand to be in the same space with her and when she is around us with any of the children he stiffles his feelings as best he can. Even though he really tries...it is evident to all three kids that he hates their Mom. (I temper that description by saying he "does not like Mommy".)
    He can not control his body language although he never says a bad word.

    If it "hits the fan" I will share with him. She has a way of pulling out of muck and mire so it may only involve a repayment plan. Time will tell.
    husband never gets involved in details about the boys so there is no way he
    would field a call etc. The man is 75 for goodness sakes, still working to provide for HER boys and she feels "a twinge" of guilt. Good Grief. DDD
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Another one who could never be calm about this. She stole from her own child. Sorry, I don't get how any mother could behave the way she does. I'm with your husband. There is no way I could not project my dislike of this individual (sorry, woman, person, human don't fit -- they all imply some sense of decency).

    I think I'd be doing a bit more than just answering any questions asked. At this point, I'd be telling them the stuff between the lines so there's no question just how much she has short-changed her children. They deserve better. Even your granddaughter deserves better. There are good foster homes out there. My daughter was in two bad ones. Her last one before she came into my life was awesome. All of us still keep in contact. They would have kept her, even adopted her had they not already adopted two other children and just had had a baby.

    So, let them know the fraud she's perpetrating, how selfish and greedy she is. Sorry, she doesn't deserve better.
  14. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Ouch, DDD.

    Does your grandson know?

  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    DDD, First off stop helping her in anyway at all. She has been stealing from her child and from you for years now. Personally, I would never give her another dime no matter what the circumstances. Not food no rides nothing. Your difficult child needs this money and it is rightfully his. Please follow through on trying to get the disability sent to you as his gardian Payee. She is being so selfish and ugly in so many ways. Let her face the consequences of her illegal activities. Maybe this is just waht she needs after all these years of GFGdom. -RM
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't know if either of the boys "know". She shares alot of adult stuff with them and they don't want anyone to think badly of their Mother. I can understand that. On the rare (maybe 3 times) occasions where I have voiced negative opinions about GFGmom and money issues, easy child/difficult child has said "just let her do her thing, Mama, nobody can help her"
    and difficult child says "we'll get by...just don't count on her". How's that for sad?

    Both boys are really concerned that something will happen to their little sister if Mom isn't around. GFGdad gets out of jail in a couple of months
    and there is NO doubt that he will be allowed to visit or babysit with his
    daughter. Should Mom be "gone" then there would be next to no way to
    protect little gd. If foster/adopt was the option life would be simpler.

    I'll let you know what, if anything, happens. She's a piece of work. DDD
  17. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    :grrr:Holy ****!:grrr:

    Sorry DDD. Keep on venting.

  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    6 years of $400/month child support and $400/month aide is $57,600 -- that's a full college education
  19. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Or a healthy down payment on a house.

    I am so sorry.

    And speechless. Well not really, but it would all look like this:
    *** **** ***