A question about the Scarecrow situation - her message to wee difficult child's gym teacher

[Shari]

Remember, this is Small Town, USA here.

"Scarecrow" sent a public message to wee difficult child's gym teacher saying she was excited to gain 2 new sons and a grandson when she marries DEX.

Wee difficult child's gym teacher is one of the people "in difficult child's corner" at school. They use her as a "safe spot" for him. I don't think the gym teacher and "scarecrow" are particularly friendly, but her reply to Scarecrow, saying how wonderful it was for her to have gained a son-in-law, is a little disturbing in light of the fact that she knows nothing of the conflict surrounding the "kids" she's excited to gain. I wouldn't care, except I'd hate to see the gym teacher encouraging this "gaining family" while we are working our tails off to discourage it.

Should I say something to the gym teacher about what is going on and just ask her to tread lightly where the kiddos are concerned?

 

[AnnieO]

Hmmm I would say let her know but don't get into too much detail. Pretty much tell her that there is major family conflict where "scarecrow" in concerned and it could become an issue - and base it so she knows, since she is a safe spot for wee difficult child, he may also have some problems dealing... Just a thought. We have had to have this conversation with all of Jett's teachers. Until this year it went along the lines of... "We just recently took over residential of Jett, there are custody issues, so he may act out. Please let us know what's going on just in case." THIS year, it was... "In March my husband gained full custody of the kids, mom still has visitation and there is major conflict there, so let us know if there are any problems."

Just my $0.02.

 

[Star*]

I think so. Yes. I would try to keep emotion out of it if possible....but a little history lesson is in order so that scarecrow isn't forming allies.

 

[trinityroyal]

I would definitely say something to the gym teacher, especially as she's one of wee difficult child's safe people.

I wouldn't go into too much detail about the family dynamics, or the fact the Scarecrow is a total whackjob. Just explain that DEX hasn't been a really strong presence in wee difficult child's life, and it's been noticed by family and professionals that Scarecrow has a detrimental effect on difficult child's stability, so you're making all efforts to limit contact, including the passage of information about difficult child to Scarecrow.

Your main objective is keeping wee difficult child safe, and that includes cutting off unwitting sources of information, who don't even know that they're being used for that purpose.

I have a similar situation. Our neighbour is a hair stylist and my difficult child's egg donor is one of her clients. ED was pumping neighbour for information, so we had to tell her that ED is to be told nothing about difficult child (this by court order, as she's considered a danger to him).

 

[flutterby]

This woman is nuts. As in, scary nuts.