A question for you experienced PE'ers

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Shari, Jan 24, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm in one of those "moods" today. I heard a song at lunch "You're gonna miss this".

    And I wondered.

    Those of you who's difficult child's are gone from home - either no longer a difficult child or still a difficult child...do you miss the years you had them at home?
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Sad to say, Shari...but no. It has allowed us to have somewhat of a family after he left.

  3. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    No, I don't miss them, we all are much happier now, including difficult child. I enjoy everything about her so much more with her not living at home anymore. Also, she appreciates everything she had now that she is gone. But, she wouldn't want to live at home again either!
  4. WiscKaren

    WiscKaren New Member

    Absolutely not! No-no-no!!! Hubby and I are empty nesters and I love it! Able to come home from work and do what I want, when I want. The house stays clean, our stuff no longer just "disappears", no fighting over the tv, we can go out to eat if I don't feel like cooking without it costing an arm and a leg ------- oh, I could just go on and on.

    If my next life (LOL), I know I will not be reproducing!

    This doesn't mean I don't miss my kids at times, but I would not want to start over again. The bad has far outweighed the good times, at least here.
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    No, no, a thousand times, no. I do not miss having difficult child at home.
    Moving difficult child to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/assisted-living facility is one of the best decisions husband and I have ever made.

    The daily stress, anxiety, depression, anger, have all gone. husband's health is getting better by leaps and bounds...I can see improvements and positive changes by the day.

    So, no. Don't miss those days.

  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    I miss mine very much. Both easy child an difficult child. Our daughter lives near us (15 miles away) and so I get to see her a couple times a week. But, I miss having both of my kids home.

    Now. That is not to say that I don't enjoy our quiet empty nest too.

    It's difficult to spend every ounce of energy raising kids - for 20 years - and then not miss that part of life.

    in my humble opinion.
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Unfortunately no, I don't miss the years he was home. It was constant chaos and turmoil, interspersed with a lot of 911 calls.

    What I really *do* miss is what could have been. Makes my heart ache a bit.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't miss my grown kids at home, but not because they're difficult children. My kids are actually doing really well now. I just find it hard for adult kids to co-exist with parents. I worry too much when they're around and I am really proud of their independence. However, although I don't miss them living with me, I miss them tons and tons in between my visits to Illinois, especially my ex-difficult child daughter, who I"m now very close to.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Well I will tell you if I ever miss Cory when he is gone! Somehow I doubt it.

    I dont really miss Jamie living here as much as I once did but what I do find myself missing is "what could have beens." I think of those nostalgic moments when I hear a song that tugs at my heart or I look at a picture of the boys as little kids and think I wish I could have stuck bricks on their heads and never let them grow up. There is a country song called "Dont Blink" that says it well.
  10. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Nope, I do not miss having Angela here. In fact, when we kicked her out at age 19, we later said to ourselves we should have done it when she was 18!! (You know, she's 28 years old and I really hardly ever think about her.)

    We still have Melissa living here, but I surely will not miss her once she moves out!!!!!

  11. WiscKaren

    WiscKaren New Member

    Well said! I couldn't have said it any better than that.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Not sure if I totally qualify, my difficult child is 16 but will NEVER live with us again.

    We do miss him sometimes. We miss the times he was funny, caring, thoughtful, and not bent on destroying us.

    But we do NOT miss living with him. Not at ALL!

  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I miss him........from AFAR.......

    and I just LOL at your AVATAR/ICON OMG THAT is hillarious Sheri!

    I attempt to do the same thing most days. BRAVO!
  14. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm still pretty involved with difficult child but I don't miss the chaos and degree of intensity he brings to our home.
    He needs his own space and I need space from him.
    Hopefully with time we will have an adult child/parent relationship and I will not immediately steele myself when I hear his voice.
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ditto for me. Add another no vote. An added benefit is that my difficult child and I get along much better now that she is living on her own.

    I agree that adult kids need their own space ~ even easy child's.

    I could see us falling back into old (bad) patterns when difficult child stayed with us a for few days last month studying for her final exams.

    She even told someone recently that "my mom and I get along really well now that I don't live there anymore."

  16. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Well I will have to say I miss him the way he was before drugs took over. I miss the boy he was and havinghim at home. I miss his smile and the funny things he would say. I mmiss all that but I dont miss the chaos of a drugged out young person refusing to obey our house rules. No matter what we said he would still do what he wanted even though there was help. He is still in jail and I dread the day it will be another stressful decision about where he will live. It cant be at home. Home is where he wants to be. I believe it is where he knows there is love but right now it is very harmful for him. He cannot grow there. It is hard to explain. I miss our family the way it used to be.
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    The last verse of the song talks about a young mother with 2 screaming kids apologizing to a plumber for her kids behavior. The plumber tells her to stop apologizing, cause, "beleive it or not, you're gonna miss this."

    I guess I was having a bit of a nostalgic day, anyway, and I wondered if someday I was going to wish wee difficult child were little again. I don't miss big difficult child one iota. I love him in CA. Don't get me wrong, there are good days interspersed in there that I'd love to live again, but they were the exception by far...

    Just wondered. Thanks all.
  18. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    PS - that's been my avatar since we got avatars - could just never read it before. lol. But I knew what it said, and that's all that mattered! lol
    Thanks, Star.
  19. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    How doyou get an avatar? I want one! Tell me! thanks
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I love my kids, but by and large I don't miss having them at home. I have to admit that it is very nice just being myself with my husband. I never really had a comfortable lifestyle on my own, and I deserve this now. My kids can get their own comfortable lives!