a serious talk with Sprite...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bramblewoodbabydoll, Oct 2, 2009.

  1. bramblewoodbabydoll

    bramblewoodbabydoll Ambiguous Witch

    This is going to sound odd but I have scars on my thighs and my right arm (cuts/burns).- uh thats not the odd part, the odd part is I've never discussed them with my kids.
    The children have asked in the past what they are from and I have managed to brush it off for the most part. I say it was an old accident or that its difficult to explain but nothing to worry about. The 8yo is still puzzled but she doesnt waste much time on it. My son understood after my suicide attempt in 2007 that I had deep mental issues. When I got out of treatment he told me "I always knew you were an emo kid but I know you want to change, right?" We have good rapport, he and I, so things are just different with him. Plus he talks nonstop and I am not exaggerating when I say that. I know what he thinks and how he feels about everything.
    Sprite who is 11 has only been living with me since last November. She left to live with her dad in another state- her choice- when she was 8. She did not like my then husband (Pixies dad). She came back a different child and I have given it a year but it just gets crazier to be near her all the time. We have been in therapy a couple of months and I have put in a request for a neurospych evaluation at the teaching hospital but Im on a waiting list.
    Sprite does not like to talk serious... she will scream serious- she likes to babytalk or be silly, manipulate with sweetness, quietly tear you down with near adult sarcasm, obsess over boys, cry or simply have the same kind of temper tantrum a 5 yo would. She is also violent, she hits and punches her siblings. She and I dont communicate well to say the least. She understands that she has a problem. My son jokingly calls it IDKitis. When you ask her whats wrong she never knows.
    The other night we sat down and she played and fidgeted through it but I explained my mental hx in brief simple terms and told her we believed she had a mood disorder (therapist and myself being we). Explained she would be tested for it as soon as I could get her an appointment. Explained self harm. Urged her not to self harm. Told her Im not perfect but I love her. Offered her books to look at about bipolar so she might better understand why I act the way I do sometimes. Told her she didnt have to look at them at all.
    She nodded at the end, gave me her 'drop' face (looks like a flat affect but her eyes are sad). Then she said she was going to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer and that she was fine with everything.
    So I guess that went well? We are very much alike, it embarasses me to talk about my faults esp. since I feel like I am all faults with no pros to my cons at times. She doesnt want us to be who we are...she just cant reconcile it. She does not want this reality. I dont know where to go from here, I cant wait for the evaluation but I know that there are years of work ahead of us and quite possibly years of pain on top of my pain on top of it all.
    Thanks for letting me get that out, Brambles
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Sounds like she's had some environmental instability in her short years -- coupled with her genetic load -- that could be contributing to what you see in her.

    We all do the best we can with what we know. Try to go easier on yourself for the things you cannot control: genetics, choices made in the past, the unknowns of the future, your daughter's feelings, etc. You are already dialed-in to your own issues and are a caring, involved and observant parent. You really can't ask for much more! Teasing out our kids' issues is a process, and usually a long one at that.

    Hopefully the neuropsychologist spot will open up soon -- you can always call once a week to see if there have been cancellations. I've been known to do that when I'm especially impatient and needing to be seen ASAP. It's helped.

    It's good for our kids to understand that we are not perfect. That it's okay to make mistakes and learn from them. You are wise to keep an open dialog with your kids, especially about the mental health issues in your family. That will only serve to help them as they grow and learn more about their own feelings and issues. They'll realize that it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's okay to ask for help when we need it.
  3. hoobear

    hoobear Guest

    Your daughter is fortunate to have a mother who is so open and willing to talk about herself. It took a lot of courage to have that conversation. Kids process things at different rates. My son will sometimes bring things up months after they happened, when at the time he showed no reaction.

    I hope an appointment opens up soon. Good wishes.

  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    My daughter has spent her whole life avoiding reality because she doesn't want to be sick or different or have these struggles. No one wants to be ill. Who wouldn't want to pretend that there are no problems and everything is rosy?

    You're a good mom with a huge heart. She has a lot - with you as her mom, her advocate, and her cheerleader.

    And, by the way, all I see here from you are pros. So pffffffftttttt to the other stuff. :tongue:
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    I encourage you to keep talking, serious included when the topic warrants it. Even if she's uncomforale, it's important. You've come a long way my dear. Kudos to you for your hard work and dedication to your kids.
  6. bramblewoodbabydoll

    bramblewoodbabydoll Ambiguous Witch

    thank you so much, Im so glad that we can all be together here. It means a lot, more than I can express it