A side-effect from years of living with difficult children??

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Mom2oddson, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    For the last week, I've been so jumpy and anxious. I've had trouble sleeping and when I do sleep I have nightmares.

    Then last night, husband calls me to let me know that his truck died on his way to work and could I call a tow truck. I found myself exhaling a breathe that I didn't even know I was holding. And suddenly I felt better.

    husband and I talked about this. We concluded that I'm so used to one thing after another happening that when I had a week of nothing but peace, I didn't know how to respond to it.

    It's a little twisted that I feel normal when there are things going wrong and feel anxious when my life is at peace. :sigh:

    Is this common? Do any of you have issues with what to do with those peaceful times in your life?
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    been there done that. Not that I get that many periods of "peace", but... when it does happen, I'm worried about what is going on that I don't know about and should be worried about... ugh. Yes, it's a side-effect of living too long in GFGdom
  3. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Um, yeah, do the same thing. Things can't possibly be okay, those quiet, peaceful times are the ones when I think something bad is gonna really happen. Usually it doesn't, but I still get nervous about it. I wonder if it ever goes away.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I think it is a testament how flexible creatures we are. What ever we live comes our normal. And when things change, that is abnormal and abnormal is worrisome.

    After living fortysomething years in GFGland I certainly do get anxious when it is quiet. It can only mean that something huge is crashing down soon.

    I recognize this brand of superstition, I notice when it is happening, I try to talk myself out of it because of course it doesn't make any sense. But honestly, there is no getting away from that feeling.
  5. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    At least I'm not alone in this. Somehow knowing I'm not alone, makes it better.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Common, yes. But it does go away given long enough periods of peace and relative quiet. And once it does........well, it's just plain wonderful. :)
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    My shrink told me years ago after Steven died and after Dude went "off the reservation' and we gave him a train ticket to Florida. (no reference whatsover to Geronimo there either) that I was CREATING junk and problems in my life to 'fill the void'. Every time I say that 'fill the void' I can hear that little Hobbit talking to the one with the ring saying "share the load' in slow motion.....because I swear to you when he said it to me? It was just. like. that. When I realized that I actually had found it not so much more comfortable, but more familiar to live with 100's of plates spinning in the air like a Chinese acrobat? I stopped spinning .....little by little I took a look at just exactly WHAT stressors I could do without. WHAT could I delegate and eliminate, and what could I do with my own language that would say the words NO to people and not leave ME with enormous guilt (hence another plate on a stick and sleepless nights)

    Trust this? Once I had that stroke? The perspective I gained from the what if's were enormous. Kinda like tonight.....it reminds me again.....life goes on. I'm driving home....a cop passes me, then a fire truck. No problem......I pulled over...then continued to Hardees. I was going to treat DF and me to dinner. I'd thought about it, moved some finances around, got a coupon...and it was going to be a nice treat. Problem was as I approached Hardees, that's where the fire truck was. My first thought wasn't "POOR person." My first thought was "AW CRUD.....now where do I get dinner?" Very ME orientated considering someone was so ill they needed an ambulance. I started to pull off, and I saw other people pulling in to the drive through. I pulled around to the back parking lot to not bother the fire truck, and low and behold -------just like life.....Business was going on, burgers were still getting made, and nothing had stopped. I waited out of respect for the fire truck to leave.....but there was a line in the drive through of people that just kept on going and I thought.....No matter what was going on (waves hands wildly) there......Life continued (points to lap) here. Just like with difficult children. They cause the disaster than causes us to need the fire truck and by the time the help gets to us? They're already going through the drive through. Life goes on. We should too.

    With regard to the breathing? Check out Miracle Ball....it's a book, and 2 balls......that are the most PHENOMINAL thing. The therapist in there teaches you how to learn to exhale and inhale and I swear everyone here should have a set of them and read that book.......its the ABSOLUTE best DEstressor I've ever tried. Exhaling is key to sleep, well being.....fit mind. And you found out yourself - it just feels good especially when we remember to do it and all the way correctly - but most of us do not know how and have to be trained......and the difference in your body is AMAZING.....it works on arthritis, bursitis.....achey back.....lower back pain.....neck pain....tennis elbow.....these little rubber balls are awesome. 15 mins 2x a day and Even my complexion is nicer.

  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Just as a ps and funny ------my Mom got the miracle ball kit for me. She tried it and it helped her back....when she handed me mine for my birthday......we shared a private joke of course about the fact that I needed no .....um.....well.......miracles.....hahaha. But then she also stated that with the stress in my life? I should probably have TWO kits. lol.
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    When things calm down here, husband and I find ourselves looking for things to worry about. Normally I hate drama... But... I'm always waiting for the next shoe to drop. And we have a centipede... In a way we become "addicted" to the conflamaramadramayama... I'm learning to calm myself, Meggie needs me calm, and Jett does better when I'm calm, and Onyxx has gotten so much better we get ALONG when I'm calm...
  10. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    I've read many times that PTSD is common among many of us who go through life with a difficult child (not saying that anyone here has it). I think it's not to be underestimated though. Hypervigilance is a common symptom of PTSD. We are at risk.

  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think I tend to be this way, too. When things are calm for a day or two I'm okay, but when the calm goes on for a longer period of time I tend to think to myself that I need to be vigilant because difficult child is going to blow any second. I agree with Step, though, that difficult children tend to do better when their caregivers around them are calm. If I'm having a bad day, whether it's difficult child related or not, difficult child tends to have a bad day.