A thought for our difficult child's and us parents....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I was digging around on facebook for old friends and remembered an old friend and neighbor of my family. He had a page so I sent an invite, then decided to just call him since I know both him and his wife and we were neighbors for several years, went to high school together and so forth. Actually, he and his wife double-dated with difficult child's father and me the night difficult child was conceived. They had their first baby while I was still pregnant and I babysat her a couple of times to give them a night out alone. When the baby was about 3-4yo she complained about her arm being sore and was holding it funny, the pediatrician said he didn't see anything wrong. After a couple of visits with the dr saying this but the mom refusing to believe that her child was doing this for attention, she started taking her to specialists who ultimately found a brain tumour. It was a rare kind and at the underside of the brain, requiring a special team of doctors to be assembled in TX for a surgery to horrid too describe. She survived and recuperrated and apparently did fine, living a normal life from 4-11 yo.

    I just learned tonight that at 11yo, symptoms came back and the doctors found the tumour was back and that it was cancerous. They did 6 surgeries and 8 chemo treatments in 4 years. She lost her battle in Nov., at age 15 yo.

    Even with the struggles of our difficult child's, may we remember that other children strugle with even bigger problems and more pain. And some parents have a pain even bigger than ours. I can honestly say that after learning this and watching the video tribute the father told me about online, I am glad that my son is alive and still has some future and I still have some hope and I can still hug him, fuss at him, smile and listen to him, even if he is incarcerated, he will come home.

    I took my son to visit when he was 4yo and the girl was about 7 mos older so she still had the "halo" around her head and a brace on her neck. She was so sweet and brave and never complained. This has really thrown me for a loop.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((hugs))) klmno

    That is so very heart breaking. How horrid for the parents and that child to have to endure so much.

    When we were living in Dayton and my kids were young......we had a very nice neighbor. She was a young Mom and stopped as she went in and out of her apartment to talk to us often. She lived with her sister and both had 1 yr old's she a girl and the sister a boy. Kids being kids, one day asked her why her baby wasn't ever allowed out to play. She explained that her daughter had a serious heart defect and exertion could kill her.

    Well.......being my kids, they came up with a way for the baby to get to play with them. The kids had a wagon with the wooden slat sides. And when the neighbor brought the baby girl out to play they would sit her in the wagon and pull her up and down the street. They had a blast making her laugh and giving her rides. If it rained we would go over so she could play with the kids inside. And the Mom enjoyed having someone to talk to who could understand about her daughter's condition.

    Suddenly we didn't see them for a couple of weeks. We were worried. One day the Mom was running into her apartment when I stopped her to ask how she was doing. Turned out the baby (then about 18-20 months old) had taken a turn for the worst and was in ICU at children's. I held the Mom while she sobbed. (I never did see any other family except her sister)

    The kids had to get something for the baby to make her feel better. We chose a really cute teddy bear and gave it to the Mom. The baby didn't make it.

    We were devistated. I swore then I'd never regret a single moment, no matter how bad it seemed at the time, with my kids.

    That baby had spent the majority of her life in hospital getting poked prodded and tested. The few months when she got to play with my kids was the only time she'd ever been home. She was waiting for a donor heart

    It's far too easy to take life and those you love for granted.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sometimes it takes knowing someone who's had it mush harder to remember that I still have things to be grateful for I guess...and unfortunately. Gosh- hearing about this then watching that tribute where the video showed her as a baby ( that I held and diapered), the when she recuperated after that surgery as a young girl, then seeing her as an adolescent where she was beautiful and living a normal life, then seeing her after the hair was lost and so forth....it was heart-wrenching. You're right- we should never take life for granted.

    This guy- the father- our parents lived next door to each other while we were in middle and high schools so I know him better. I got to know his wife because he moved them in there after his mother died and I would see them a lot when I was living 20 miles away from my mother and visited there often. (I haven't seen them in about 7-8 years because my mother moved away and difficult child's father is in the area so I didn't go back.) Anyway, on his facebook page under relationships, he listed "it's complicated". I've known this guy since he was about 11yo so I posted this message on his page - after I commented on his daughter's passing- "please convey my sympathies to ABC (the wife); and NO it is NOT complicated". WTH does he think he's doing- I'll have to set him straight I guess. LOL! He has a great wife.....

    I'm getting Occupational Therapist (OT) but there were some people from here who said I could invite them on Facebook but now I don't remember who they were.
  4. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    When difficult child was about 10 months old until about 2 1/2, I spent most of our time in Toronto at the Hospital For Sick Children. I heard so many diagnosis's or possible ones that I lived a terror every day that luckily didn't come to pass. But boy, I learned to be happy for every new day and for every moment he was/is here with me.

    I met so many families. I saw so many of the most ill children you can imagine. I would chat to entire extended families, only to see one of them sobbing one day and know they had lost the good fight for the family kidlet. It was the most horrific 2 years of my life, yet the most inspirational at the same time.

    Some days when difficult child was at its worst, I'd wonder about those parents with lost children. I imagine they'd put up with my difficult child's worst every day just to bring their child back to them. It is truly humbling.