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Parent Emeritus
A Vent and Request for Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="LoveTempered" data-source="post: 762160" data-attributes="member: 28752"><p>Hi Mirabelle. It sounds like such a difficult situation. </p><p></p><p>I used to cope by learning and doing everything I could think of to support my family until I discovered that all my learning and doing did not help at all. I was so engaged with the dysfunction /mental illness /addiction that it made me sick too. I cared and supported myself into exhaustion. The kicker for me was that I was moving so fast and doing so much that others thought I was doing enough for all of us. I was a handy distraction from the hard stuff inside that is painful to deal with but that we all have to claim for ourselves. I swear, I think there were times that I moved so fast around some of my family members that they burned calories just because I was close by. Therapists couldn't see it because I was their dream client family member...organized, informed, advocating.</p><p></p><p>You may relate to this or you may not. In case you do, I would suggest connecting with a family support group to take care of yourself and your needs. Just for you. We are here exchanging wisdom because we have excruciatingly hard stories to live. We've all been blended, adopted, birthed or otherwise entangled in a deep love for a sick person. The damage radius is quite extensive in families like ours. It brings more peace than I can describe to be with people who get what you are going through, the fear, stress, loss, shame, frustration...and have learned to thrive anyway.</p><p></p><p>It saved me and my marriage to realize that the only one I could help was myself. The effects of others' addiction take a real toll. Please know that I respectfully offer my experience knowing that I don't know your whole story. I just resonate so with what you are describing that I wanted to share in case it might be helpful. Blessings!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LoveTempered, post: 762160, member: 28752"] Hi Mirabelle. It sounds like such a difficult situation. I used to cope by learning and doing everything I could think of to support my family until I discovered that all my learning and doing did not help at all. I was so engaged with the dysfunction /mental illness /addiction that it made me sick too. I cared and supported myself into exhaustion. The kicker for me was that I was moving so fast and doing so much that others thought I was doing enough for all of us. I was a handy distraction from the hard stuff inside that is painful to deal with but that we all have to claim for ourselves. I swear, I think there were times that I moved so fast around some of my family members that they burned calories just because I was close by. Therapists couldn't see it because I was their dream client family member...organized, informed, advocating. You may relate to this or you may not. In case you do, I would suggest connecting with a family support group to take care of yourself and your needs. Just for you. We are here exchanging wisdom because we have excruciatingly hard stories to live. We've all been blended, adopted, birthed or otherwise entangled in a deep love for a sick person. The damage radius is quite extensive in families like ours. It brings more peace than I can describe to be with people who get what you are going through, the fear, stress, loss, shame, frustration...and have learned to thrive anyway. It saved me and my marriage to realize that the only one I could help was myself. The effects of others' addiction take a real toll. Please know that I respectfully offer my experience knowing that I don't know your whole story. I just resonate so with what you are describing that I wanted to share in case it might be helpful. Blessings! [/QUOTE]
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