Raining
New Member
This post will be extremely long so please bear with me.
Signed up for this site 3 years ago, posted a couple of times, got into a huge mental funk over difficult child and what she was doing and stopped going online at all. Which in retrospect, is when I should have been on here more.
We have been all over the map with medications, moods, and diagnosis'. For awhile she stole from everyone. Me, teachers, friends, my mother, stores, etc. Nothing would stop her. Plus her rages went on and on. Couldn't even tell her to get up for school when she was 10 years old without it being WW1. She repeated 4th grade and almost failed this past year (5th). She is technically supposed to be in 7th but is now going to going into 6th grade. Her 5th grade teacher was a first year teacher so he was naturally gun-ho about trying to change her and set his sights on making her an honor roll student again but by the last semester he also gave up (to a point) and just started sending her to the vice principal for her to handle my difficult child.
She has the mentality of probably a 4th to 5th grader when she should have one at about a 7th or 8th. She has gone around for years not caring about anything other than herself and what SHE wants to do. If she isn't interested, she won't do it. Her personal hygiene is horrible. Kids will call her stinky and she will get upset but won't learn from it and take better care of herself. It is a constant battle with us with me telling her she skipped her shower today and needs to take one today. Then will argue that she did take one. Back and forth it will go every day. Brushing her teeth would not happen either if I didn't tell her to go brush. She sees it as, if it isn't bothering her, why should she do anything? Her sense of reality is nonexistant and the more I try to make her learn and see, the more deaf and blind she is. DEX doesn't help by doing things for her all the time and is fun dad every other weekend. She is for the most part a wonderful, smart, and funny kid. That is until you give her even the smallest of responsibility or a small task she doesn't feel she shouldn't do or won't want to do and then we are off on her being argumentative(sp), lying, giving excuses, playing around, or doing a half a** job of it. She looks at school as something she is forced to do and is "serving her time". She is up front and honest about her not caring about anything unless she gets something from it. She is unemotional when she hurts most peoples feelings. She will be over dramatic when she feel she is supposed to be showing that emotion when she really isn't, to be a part of what is going on. She is the kid who will constantly touch the hot stove over and over. Never learning, never caring. She is socially inept from me having to "ground" her from going outside to play with friends because of her many acts of defiance and from her ways of having social ackwardness around other people. She is a follower of the older kids and a bully to the younger ones. She has expressed her deep "hatred" towards babies and is horrified to learn that husband and I are trying to have one. We are honestly scared to have her around the baby when it is born.
She is been to all of the after school programs from the mental health center and is on her 4th therapist. 1st one moved, second one said he didnt know what to do for her and referred her to her currant one who has now has also said she needs to go through more testing and to go to a different person because she is stumped. difficult child also had an in home therapist who after a year and a half of seeing her almost every day threw her hands up as well. Recently I tried to admit her to a residental treatment center to have them take her off all her medications and moniter and test her to get to the bottom of all of these diagnosis and possible problems she has or may have, but since she (at the time) wasn't a harm to herself or to others, they wouldn't take her. She is hovering on that fine line of being "horrible" but not enough to get in a hospital with extensive testing and treatment.
She is on a vegan diet (no meat, dairy, or eggs) as a personal preference (animal rights) but she does consume casien (found in veggie cheese) and egg whites (found in some fake meats) on occassion. I have found out recently that a gluten and casien free diet may help her so I will probably pursue that avenue shortly. She does recieve all of the nutrients she needs through the foods I make her and I always make sure she gets a certain amount of all of the essential things as protien, calcuim, all of the Bs, Cs, and D vitamins and the omegas.
She has been on a car full of different medications. So many that I cannot remember them all. I always try to keep the medications she is on at a minimum if possible. I will only increase or change if I feel it will help. But as her body and horomones are changing, so do the medications to accomodate.
I am at the point now to throw up my hands but I can't. But I feel I have done everything I can think of and more. Nothing I do or don't do has not worked. My patient husband has only been with us for a year and he walked in thinking (to some extent) that he could fix her but is now at a loss as well. I had my hopes up slightly because a fresh mind has come into our lives and may shed light on something I have not seen, but he too doesn't know what to do, so we pour through the computer for hours trying to figure out something. The only thing that I have found that I have not done is the gluten and casien free diet. Who knows, this may be the thing that does it?
With my own personal struggles with depression and anxiety, I'm sure I am lacking something she needs. And I know for a fact that I have emotionally stepped away from her because all of the hurt, confusion, and frustration I have with her. It is very hard to show love to a person who shows you no respect for me, herself, and others. I hate myself for not being able to give her a big smile when she comes home from school or from DEX because I don't know what will be coming through that door. Will it be a war today or will it be ok? I hate knowing that I may possibly have conditional love with her. I hate knowing that I have to work at loving my child unconditionally when you would think it would come naturaly to a mother.
I try. I try everyday. I am drained. I am confused. I am hurt. I hate myself for failing my daughter. And I don't know what to do anymore......
Signed up for this site 3 years ago, posted a couple of times, got into a huge mental funk over difficult child and what she was doing and stopped going online at all. Which in retrospect, is when I should have been on here more.
We have been all over the map with medications, moods, and diagnosis'. For awhile she stole from everyone. Me, teachers, friends, my mother, stores, etc. Nothing would stop her. Plus her rages went on and on. Couldn't even tell her to get up for school when she was 10 years old without it being WW1. She repeated 4th grade and almost failed this past year (5th). She is technically supposed to be in 7th but is now going to going into 6th grade. Her 5th grade teacher was a first year teacher so he was naturally gun-ho about trying to change her and set his sights on making her an honor roll student again but by the last semester he also gave up (to a point) and just started sending her to the vice principal for her to handle my difficult child.
She has the mentality of probably a 4th to 5th grader when she should have one at about a 7th or 8th. She has gone around for years not caring about anything other than herself and what SHE wants to do. If she isn't interested, she won't do it. Her personal hygiene is horrible. Kids will call her stinky and she will get upset but won't learn from it and take better care of herself. It is a constant battle with us with me telling her she skipped her shower today and needs to take one today. Then will argue that she did take one. Back and forth it will go every day. Brushing her teeth would not happen either if I didn't tell her to go brush. She sees it as, if it isn't bothering her, why should she do anything? Her sense of reality is nonexistant and the more I try to make her learn and see, the more deaf and blind she is. DEX doesn't help by doing things for her all the time and is fun dad every other weekend. She is for the most part a wonderful, smart, and funny kid. That is until you give her even the smallest of responsibility or a small task she doesn't feel she shouldn't do or won't want to do and then we are off on her being argumentative(sp), lying, giving excuses, playing around, or doing a half a** job of it. She looks at school as something she is forced to do and is "serving her time". She is up front and honest about her not caring about anything unless she gets something from it. She is unemotional when she hurts most peoples feelings. She will be over dramatic when she feel she is supposed to be showing that emotion when she really isn't, to be a part of what is going on. She is the kid who will constantly touch the hot stove over and over. Never learning, never caring. She is socially inept from me having to "ground" her from going outside to play with friends because of her many acts of defiance and from her ways of having social ackwardness around other people. She is a follower of the older kids and a bully to the younger ones. She has expressed her deep "hatred" towards babies and is horrified to learn that husband and I are trying to have one. We are honestly scared to have her around the baby when it is born.
She is been to all of the after school programs from the mental health center and is on her 4th therapist. 1st one moved, second one said he didnt know what to do for her and referred her to her currant one who has now has also said she needs to go through more testing and to go to a different person because she is stumped. difficult child also had an in home therapist who after a year and a half of seeing her almost every day threw her hands up as well. Recently I tried to admit her to a residental treatment center to have them take her off all her medications and moniter and test her to get to the bottom of all of these diagnosis and possible problems she has or may have, but since she (at the time) wasn't a harm to herself or to others, they wouldn't take her. She is hovering on that fine line of being "horrible" but not enough to get in a hospital with extensive testing and treatment.
She is on a vegan diet (no meat, dairy, or eggs) as a personal preference (animal rights) but she does consume casien (found in veggie cheese) and egg whites (found in some fake meats) on occassion. I have found out recently that a gluten and casien free diet may help her so I will probably pursue that avenue shortly. She does recieve all of the nutrients she needs through the foods I make her and I always make sure she gets a certain amount of all of the essential things as protien, calcuim, all of the Bs, Cs, and D vitamins and the omegas.
She has been on a car full of different medications. So many that I cannot remember them all. I always try to keep the medications she is on at a minimum if possible. I will only increase or change if I feel it will help. But as her body and horomones are changing, so do the medications to accomodate.
I am at the point now to throw up my hands but I can't. But I feel I have done everything I can think of and more. Nothing I do or don't do has not worked. My patient husband has only been with us for a year and he walked in thinking (to some extent) that he could fix her but is now at a loss as well. I had my hopes up slightly because a fresh mind has come into our lives and may shed light on something I have not seen, but he too doesn't know what to do, so we pour through the computer for hours trying to figure out something. The only thing that I have found that I have not done is the gluten and casien free diet. Who knows, this may be the thing that does it?
With my own personal struggles with depression and anxiety, I'm sure I am lacking something she needs. And I know for a fact that I have emotionally stepped away from her because all of the hurt, confusion, and frustration I have with her. It is very hard to show love to a person who shows you no respect for me, herself, and others. I hate myself for not being able to give her a big smile when she comes home from school or from DEX because I don't know what will be coming through that door. Will it be a war today or will it be ok? I hate knowing that I may possibly have conditional love with her. I hate knowing that I have to work at loving my child unconditionally when you would think it would come naturaly to a mother.
I try. I try everyday. I am drained. I am confused. I am hurt. I hate myself for failing my daughter. And I don't know what to do anymore......