A Week of Doctors Appts coming up - FINALLY!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by welcometowitsend, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. Haven't been here much lately. husband and I went to NYC for a 4 day holiday. It was very busy and a bit of a whirlwind but we saw a lot of sights, a couple of shows and it was good to get away. After we got back I took easy child for an overnight to a friends cottage.

    difficult child is no better - drinking, smoking and is back to cutting again. He broke up with his 'summer fling' after cheating on her twice with 2 different girls. He must be getting a fair amount of sex because he went through about a dozen condoms last month and now has a fresh supply - thank God for the public health department.

    He still has his job although he's not getting many hours and hates the work. Says he's going to get a job at the coffee shop where his friend works. Great - this friend is not a good influence at all.

    Now that he has a job I asked him to start paying his cell phone bill. Within hours of getting paid he spent 3/4 of his paycheque on clothes and hats. I found a receipt today that indicates he has spent the remainder of his paycheque on more clothes. Not sure where he's getting money for smokes and booze although my mom thinks he may have stolen some money from her when he stayed at their place. Can't be sure though because she doesn't remember exactly how much $$ she had.

    He's blown up at me twice this past week. Apparently he is losing friends because he is a 'slutty drunk' (his words). That is my fault because I make his life so miserable he needs to drink. Oh, ok. Everything is my fault. I make his life so miserable that he has to drink and smoke and cut himself. He'll tell me that one minute and then ask me why I'm upset because we've been getting along so well for the last month. Huh? He's all over the map again. Feels like he is on another downward spiral.

    Wanted to go into town on Saturday which is a good 15 minute drive so would be a very long walk and it was hot. I told him I'd drive him into town if he'd help me with some housework. No way. He is hardly ever here and all the mess belongs to me and easy child so why should he have to help. Even after I pointed out that I'd had to pick up banana peels, wrappers, etc. from the family room the other day he still wasn't going to help. So, I told him he could walk. He threatened to steal my bicycle to ride into town (his bike was left in town) so I told him I'd call police. I won't lend him my bike because he'll probably leave it somewhere and I may never see it again or the money to replace it. Anyway, I got told where to go, doors slammed, etc. and he left and didn't come home that night and wouldn't tell me when he was coming home.

    He came home last night when we were up at the trailer and left again this morning before we got home. Didn't text me to tell me where he was going or when he'd be back. Just no respect at all.

    I made it very clear to him that he WILL go to his therapy appointment and he WILL participate in it, he WILL go to the paediatrician on Saturday and he WILL go to the psychiatrist on Monday (13th). If he is prescribed medications he WILL take them. I must see improvements and I must see an effort on his part to improve or he will have to leave. We can't keep living like this and if he's not willing to work on it then he will have to move out. This is getting very hard on easy child and I hate to see her suffer because of him.

    We also put locks on our bedroom door and PCs bedroom door. His bedroom door will come off if he ever slams it again. He has been getting up in the middle of the night and snooping around the house looking for the cord for the wifi as well as the lighters and knives I keep confiscating from him. Not to mention he stole booze out of the liquor cabinet. I would imagine he snooped around most of the house last night. Doesn't look like he drank any alcohol unless he watered it down. It's all going up to my bedroom today.

    husband is worried that difficult child is going to give me a nervous breakdown. Honestly, so am I.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry. He sounds like an awful person to have to deal with. Too bad he's gotten too big for his britches. It's too bad your system and resources are so limited there. We have things here (at least I know in our state we do) that we can do when a kid that age gets out of control. Wish you had some of them.

    {{{{HUGS}}}} Glad husband is seeing what this is doing to you. That means something.
  3. He is horrible to deal with although I'm sure it could be worse - I'm glad it isn't because I'm not sure I could handle worse.

    I just hacked into his Facebook and found out he stole a bottle of whiskey from my parents for a party he was going to while husband and I were in NYC. Ugh.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding some understanding hugs and prayers that things improve soonest!
  5. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you will finally have doctors' appts and will get things started. It's unfortunate that he isn't in more compliant phase right now. It seems that his issues are really cyclic in nature. Hopefully docs will find the way to help him. While some of his behaviours are very up your face, teen rebellion type of things, it doesn't sound like he would have too much control over all this and he is really feeling horrible.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Just a suggestion. Can u make the cell phone a condition for getting him to the appointments. I do not know anything about Canadian law. In texas a 13 year old has the right to refuse psyc. medications. and counseling unless court ordered.
  7. Thanks for your support everyone.

    Pasajes - The age here is 12 for all medical. He can refuse any treatment, therapy, dr.'s appts. at this stage. He knows that if he refuses to go that he will have to find somewhere else to live for a full 6 months. Our family counsellor told husband and I that if he had to leave again not to allow our house to be a revolving door and to make sure he stayed gone for 6 months so he could actually learn something from it after wearing out his welcome on everyone's couch. Tough tough decision but it may have to be done. He can't continue to live here if he refuses to try and make some progress. This is tearing our family up. We used to have a very happy, peaceful home. We enjoyed each others company, played games, had great vacations together, worked well together. Don't get me wrong - we weren't the Brady Bunch or the Cleavers but we had it good. We got along well, sometimes husband and I would argue, sometimes we'd get angry with the kids but until this past year things were really good.

    Suzir - He does seem to be cycling. He ramped up last winter with anger and rebellion stuff to the point where he moved out for 6 weeks. Then things came crashing down on him and he got really depressed for a while. Then for about 2/3 weeks he seem to be somewhat level with only 1 major outburst. Now he seems to be ramping up again. Drinking, smoking, being promiscuous, cutting again - having meltdowns on me.

    He is very smart so he realizes that there is something wrong but how hard can that be to admit, especially when you are ramped up and so angry. I think he wants help but also doesn't want to admit how much damage he has caused. His father is fed up with everything and doesn't see how medication could stop him from behaving in this manner. I have tried to explain to him that it could be impulse control issues with the ADHD rearing it's head, it could be Aspergers making him think differently than we do, it could be bipolar. All things that can possibly be helped with some medication. This is not going to be an easy road and I don't expect a perfect diagnosis or perfect medications on the first visit but I am hopeful that something will be able to help the situation and start moving us in the right direction.

    He did not come home again last night. Stayed at his friends house who is 19 years old. This is the kid whose party he went to with the possible stolen bottle of whiskey - seems like a nice kid but he is also 19 and of legal age to drink. The mother allowed all these kids to drink in her home and had her bathroom door torn off. I don't feel the least bit of sympathy for her.

    I am thinking I will likely have to go and find him in order to get him to that appointment today. Sigh.