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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 637502" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Great advice, and it sounds like you are working hard to contain the "3 or 4 days" discussion. </p><p></p><p>45 days sober is great. I see from your signature he is 24. That is neither a baby or a grown man, especially if he has abused drugs (which stops development) and in our culture today, even with PCs, it takes so much longer for boys, especially it seems, to grow up.</p><p></p><p>And it sounds like that was a tough experience. Very tough.</p><p></p><p>But....he still has to do this himself. All on his own, so he can learn that he CAN do things on his own and he doesn't have to have Mommy and Daddy with him to navigate the world.</p><p></p><p>I have truly come to believe that while I can encourage, support and provide a meal or two along the way, it is not going to be me, his dad or his brother, or his extended family, who walks beside him on the journey to becoming a contributing, stable adult. </p><p></p><p>There is too much stuff, too much baggage, too much history, too much emotion, for either of us to navigate the normal ups and downs in a healthy way.</p><p></p><p>I can't do it, and he can't do it. </p><p></p><p>I love my son so much, and the Mommy days are over. However, he does need help, support and assistance, and you know what---he is finding that, through other people. </p><p></p><p>He is somehow making his own way...today. Today is all we have, and today is all they have. </p><p></p><p>Sure, you want to embrace him after that tough confrontation at AA. And you are careful and cautious, that is good. My best thought for you----and for him----is the shorter, the better. </p><p></p><p>The Mommy days are over. Warm hugs. I hope it all goes okay, whatever you do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 637502, member: 17542"] Great advice, and it sounds like you are working hard to contain the "3 or 4 days" discussion. 45 days sober is great. I see from your signature he is 24. That is neither a baby or a grown man, especially if he has abused drugs (which stops development) and in our culture today, even with PCs, it takes so much longer for boys, especially it seems, to grow up. And it sounds like that was a tough experience. Very tough. But....he still has to do this himself. All on his own, so he can learn that he CAN do things on his own and he doesn't have to have Mommy and Daddy with him to navigate the world. I have truly come to believe that while I can encourage, support and provide a meal or two along the way, it is not going to be me, his dad or his brother, or his extended family, who walks beside him on the journey to becoming a contributing, stable adult. There is too much stuff, too much baggage, too much history, too much emotion, for either of us to navigate the normal ups and downs in a healthy way. I can't do it, and he can't do it. I love my son so much, and the Mommy days are over. However, he does need help, support and assistance, and you know what---he is finding that, through other people. He is somehow making his own way...today. Today is all we have, and today is all they have. Sure, you want to embrace him after that tough confrontation at AA. And you are careful and cautious, that is good. My best thought for you----and for him----is the shorter, the better. The Mommy days are over. Warm hugs. I hope it all goes okay, whatever you do. [/QUOTE]
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