Aaaaaaaaand....... Time To Move!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by HeadlightsMom, Mar 26, 2015.

  1. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    Had a rough week last week, starting with our son's 25th b-day on March 16th. Despite attempting contact, we got nothing. Not a surprise. Yuck.

    Had 3 other difficult events happen on March 16th. Wasn't happy about others' responses or my responses. That whole week was tough. Usually, I rebound pretty quickly, but stress can deliver a TKO to me for a time. The week of March 16th was a TKO week. Yuck.

    But, then, time goes by, strength and perspective return. Hope and enthusiasm return. Energy and activities return. Decisions to forgive them and to forgive myself set me free.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand.......... it was time to move on (in my mind and heart, if nowhere else). Plain and simple. Didn't like where I was the week of March 16th, so set some boundaries around the other situations and............just moved on. Put myself in another place and headspace.

    And this is a much better week! I prefer action (even if it's errant......I can choose a better action later) to inaction. the sign says, "I MOVED!" :) And that's enough for this week. Will see what next week brings! :D And let me just say that I am grateful for my Free Will and opportunity to move!

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  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I can relate to this. I do find that as time goes on and I fine tune my coping skills it get easier to rebound from those "TKO" moments.

    Love the saying in the picture, that's a good one!!

    Glad you are having a better week.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You sound like, despite it all, you are rebounding and surviving, and learning to prioritize. Congratulations!
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Isn't it weird how things can really shake our equilibrium?

    We can deal with the most awful stuff, like we on this forum have and still do, and then get ourselves upright and going again, and then something can crash us back down.

    A week ago today my computer crashed. (That even sounds minor when I type it...ugh). It has rocked my world, and I have allowed my anxiety to get the better of me several times over the past seven days.

    I told husband that I actually have gotten used to NOT having anxiety and I really don't like having it. Seems really small to be this upset over a computer, but it stopped my forward progress on just about everything, including posting here.

    Very frustrating how dependent I am on a dumb machine.

    Finally, I started to remind myself of all I have learned lean in to problems....find some workarounds....realize it is what it is....hello??? Once I changed my attitude, my anxiety started to lessen...even though the computer still isn't back to 100 percent.

    Bad times with people in our lives are much worse than any dumb computer problems, and I am not trying to compare the two.

    I'm glad you are better and are moving on. You know the drill, that is clear. We are only human. We can't expect not to stumble.

    Glad you are here and posting.
  5. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    Your post grabbed me because I really, truly want to physically move - as to another address - where difficult child cannot find us for a few months.

    The other kind of moving is very important, too. Good for you.
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  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "if you don't like where you are, move, you are not a tree."

    That's funny ........and profound. Thank God we can move....... and you my friend, know how to boogie on down the road with the best of them! I'm glad you have the strength and the resolve to 'move' .......getting stuck in our stuff, well, it sucks.

    Last week seems to have had some "opportunities for growth" for quite a few of us, me included. Yup, TKO, perfect. Aren't we all so fortunate to have our "tools" our ability to learn and grow and each other?

    Glad you're back on track HLM........we're right here with you........
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    HLM, I'm so sorry you had a tough time, but so glad you dug yourself out.

    I love the analogy of moving.

    All of us can move if we like, even if we stay in the same location.
  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am always so surprised to understand how absolutely the way we interpret a thing changes the event's meaning.

    I am sorry for the darkness and confusion, and happy for you that you made it through.

    For me, each time that happens, there is just a shade less vulnerability in me. It is like we are teaching ourselves how to interpret our lives, and realizing we are the only ones who can.

    There is a kind of freedom in that, and a willingness to open.

    Right. One day, I got it that the common denominator was me.

    It was like looking into a mirror for the first time.

    Changing externals challenges us in new ways, as we go around creating new favorite spots and learning the neighborhood and adjusting to differences. We become someone else, someone freer. Maybe it has to do with taking risks and moving right into challenge by choice and so, like our kids can do when we leave it to them, we grow in our own estimation.

    We stop being afraid, maybe.

    Lately, since reading Brene Brown I suppose, I have been picking whatever is the uncomfortable emotional place to be. Just to do it, just to be present to the unpleasant feelings, right there in that moment.

    It was good for me to do that.

    Another way to change externals, to sort of mix up the challenges and keep ourselves focused on growth is to volunteer somewhere new. That isn't as all-encompassing as moving into a new area, but it does create a new facet of self.

    Wishing every good thing for you both from your upcoming move, Seeking.

  9. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your very kind replies. I see you all understand. I appreciate that.

    Gotta be honest, though, and say that although I MOVED on Thursday, it appears I didn't MOVE far enough. Drat! Yes, I dug myself out. However, to be honest, an event unfolded and I handed myself that stinkin' shovel and dug myself back in. GRRRRRR!

    However, after I discovered I'd dug myself back IN, I kicked my own keister and MOVED even farther away from that situation. Shame to get to that point, but, obviously, it's necessary sometimes. This morning I awaken having MOVED off the grid of that previous map.

    And, if I backslide, y'all feel free to join in kicking my keister with me! LOL! I need to stay MOVED off of this particular grid!

    I'm officially in detox mode from toxic "stuff" and people! Like Nike says, "Just do it!"

    Hmmmm.......... Thinkin' maybe I should tattoo this on my forehead!! LOLOL!
  10. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    And HM, the time lapse between reacting and realizing we are reacting once again gets shorter and shorter, and we turn more quickly and walk in a new, healthy direction.

    That's the important part of all of this.

    Our humanity kicks in (we can't be perfect, only make progress)...we do what we used to do (it was necessary to survive then, but not now, because once we knew better, we could start doing better)...we stopped the old behavior....and then we started the new behavior...and perhaps, we were able to go even a little further with it than the last time.

    That is progress. True progress, HM.

    So...celebrate yourself for what you did. You did something good for YOU.

    Warm hugs today.
  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Good point, COM.

    A lifesaving point, really. Part of standing up to all of it is that question, that scary little part of us that believes we are never going to make it out of the dark. In the thick of it, I would try to think myself ahead, to a time when I would feel better and more steady.

    I couldn't do it.

    That is why I am all about "Am I progressing?", now.

    Sometimes, as COM posted to you Headlights, the one way we can be sure we are going to be able to make it through is that we are moving, at all.

    Small steps.

    It wasn't supposed to be like this. Out of all the things that might have been, the reality we are all faced with is one of the darkest and most painful to come to grips with.

    But there are worse things.

    There are layers of acceptance. There are layers to the things we let ourselves know. This is for our protection. I would always tell myself I would not be given more than I could take without breaking.

    Sometimes, that is the only way I knew I was going to make it through.

    Whatever it is that's happening, you will not give yourself more than you can stand.

    You will not break. You will open.

    That seems to be how it works.


    You are here with us, now. We have been where you are, and we are coming through, most days.

    But we are only human, after all. And some days and some weeks are very hard. But even just the ability to separate from it enough to realize where you are is progress.

    Hang on. Keep moving, remember gratitude for the sunrise. Spend some time beneath the stars tonight, thinking nothing at all. When I could make a little space like that, I could breathe again.

    It isn't cheating, to do that.

    D H told me once to forgive myself for the way things are.

    For everything.

    I am sure he must have spoken just those words a hundred times. When I finally could hear him, something opened inside me. I realized how strong had been my self-condemnation. I got it, just how thoroughly I blamed myself for things that were not mine, things that in a way, had nothing to do with me. I began to be able to mourn for myself.

    That was an important step.

    At the bottom of that was compassion, not just for me, but for the courage all of us need, just to face what is.

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