Aaaaarrrgghhh!!!! The police jurisdictions keep throwing our case back and forth

[TerryJ2]

The mom who took the jewelry from difficult child knew exactly what she was doing. She drove to a nearby town and pawned the stuff there. The detective handling difficult child's case said he couldn't swear out a warrant on her because the crime was committed outside our city borders ... even though she took possession of the jewelry in her house, which is inside of our city. It's like a game of hot potato.
The person I just spoke with, in another town, called someone in our city who specializes in pawn shops, and said that our detective is not doing his job.
He said to talk to his supervisor.
Great. We go to court in two days and this woman isn't even on the list.
Fine. I'll just start over, and proceed with-the case against my son first.

If none of this works against the mom, I will simply call her and tell her I'll take her up on her offer to repay me. When she tells me it's too much money, which she will, I will sue her butt.

Meanwhile, I am ready to kill difficult child. All of this work and he doesn't have to do any of it. It's not like he can call up and make a police report. He's under 18.

Thanks for listening.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'd be more inclined to kill the other mom... she DEFINITELY knew what she was doing, and that it was wrong. JMO, of course, but... difficult child was a bit "taken in" by the others, yes he should have chosen differently... zero tolerance for the Mom, though. And yes, I'd be calling the detectives superior... and if there is a police ombudsman, I'd call that too. If the case has been bungled, there's ways of delaying and forcing the cops to do THEIR part of the job.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, we're going to make a few heads roll. Including the mom's.
Supposedly, husband talked to a cpl of police and they are watching both houses. Don't know that they'll see much of anything, except people occasionally coming and going, but I hope they can follow them. It certainly isn't as smart and sassy as they show it on TV.

 

[TeDo]

I absolutely would go up the chain of command. She should NOT get away with this. Sorry you are having to clean up this mess. It really hoovers sometimes when are kids are so gullible and the "wrong" people figure that out. I am waiting for difficult child 1 to be taken in by someone like that. It's exactly the type of thing he could be talked into.

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you ........ and a little serenity too.

 

[klmno]

Prepare yourself- if he ends up on probation you might end feeling this way a whole lot.

 

[TerryJ2]

Ugh. He at least needs to do community service work. And I was hoping for at least one night in juvie.
Two more days ...

 

[DammitJanet]

I was mad as fire at the woman who convinced Cory to start stealing my pain medications and I had every reason to be because before she told them what they were, he didnt have a clue that I was taking anything different from him but in the end, he chose to do the wrong thing by listening to her and stealing. Same as your son. He took your stuff, gave it to this woman who I presume pawned it. You will be extremely lucky if she went to a real pawn shop. Most dont these days if they dont want to get caught. They sell the stuff straight to a fence. We had a shotgun stolen from us once and we would have never gotten it back if the drug dealer didnt know Jamie. He went to school with him and when he found out the scum who traded him the shotgun for pot had stolen it from Jamie's father he made a deal with us to give it back but he wouldnt snitch on the guy who gave it to him. What are ya gonna do? We all knew who it was anyway.

I dont think you are gonna get anything done with the woman. I could never get her charged for having Cory steal my pills. Not even contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Whatever, her kids are a mess and mine arent. Karma is sweet. You need to work on your son and making sure you take care of him and what goes on in your home and family. The rest of the world can work on themselves.

 

[klmno]

Since he didn't get put in juvie at the time of his arrest and this is technically his first offense, chances are he won't get 5 mins in juvie, you will have little say but if you say community service the judge might order that since it's your first time there- but probation- OMG- most in the system are convinced it's all the parents' fault and will make darn sure the parent suffers more than the kid. Now it's your first experience and you're in a different jurisdiction so you might get lucky. I'm just saying I advise that you prepare yourself just in case. You could be revolving your schedule around them at least once a month for the next year so he'll have this erased from his record. Why should you care if he's being a tyrant at home? because they'll come after YOU if you don't. And IF (because maybe it won't work this way with you) he figures out that you are suffering more than he is- look out. I am so glad that my son is very close to turning 18yo so I can reinforce to him that HE is making his choices- good or bad- and HE will reap the rewards or suffer the consequences and I'll be darned if anyone in juvie is going to tell me otherwise.

I'm not saying I think you made a mistake by turning your son in- no more than I could sit by and lket my son continue doing all he was trying to do. But the people in the system might or might not back you up as a parent. And when they don't- your life becomes hell and the stakes keep getting higher for everyone involved.

You need to stay concentrated on this. I know another adult contributed to the current situation but I read it like the cops are wanting that part to go away- they are sticking by the issue with your son. Even if you said you'd drop the case against your son, chances are they won't. But really, it's been coming for a long time.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes, that cops are wanting that part to go away ... at least, the detective is. I'm going to be imitating Arnold Schwartznegger every time I see that detective: "I'm Baaaccck."

I don't mind taking my son for community service. My life revolves around him anyway. I'd rather have it be something productive.

We have a letter from the therapist to show the judge, and the therapist suggested a month in juvie!
I will put a colored sticky right next to that part so the judge won't even have to read the whole thing.

Tomorrow, difficult child and I will make sure he has a suit to wear ...

 

[AnnieO]

This may sound off the wall but... all the kids I've seen waiting for their hearings... none of them were in dress clothes. Nicer than everyday, but...

 

[TerryJ2]

Well, he's outgrown all of his khakis, which I think would have been fine, so all he has left are jeans and dress pants.

 

[AnnieO]

Jeans will be "normal", Terry... Onyxx wore a dress once - cut to "there" in front and barely covering her butt. I was mortified when I saw her. (FWIW the dress was just-below-knee-length and I'd put a stitch in the decolletage just days before...) She looked much better for court in jeans and a tank top...

I've seen kids who can't go through the metal detector until they take out all their piercings, etc. It's awful.

Me? I show up in a suit even if I'm there for moral support.

 

[DammitJanet]

Cory always appears for court in dress pants, a white shirt and a tie. Never a suit. That is over dressed.

He wont get juvie I really dont think unless VA is much different. He would have to commit a much more severe crime. If you actually had the money available to send him to the place they might order him there simply because they would want to help you help him. They are not going to spend their money though.

Probation for us was no where near as bad for us as it was for Klmno but that just shows the different states. We didnt have to pay for probation and Klmno did. I would have never pressed charges if I was going to have to pay for it.

Like one of the police officers told us, we dealt with Cory so well and so much harsher than they could possibly do in the juvenile system, they left it up to us for the most part. We had more than one set of officers smirking as Cory begging them to take him to jail rather than send him home.

 

[klmno]

E wore dress pants, button up shirt and tie with dress shoes, too- no jeans or tennis shoes ever. A suit isn't necessary and a casual shirt tuck in or a polo with slacks would be fine - at least in the juvie courts we've been in. You don't want to go in looking rich or arrogant or 'entitled' - either of you- judges look for the parent's expressions and reactions and body language, etc- IOW, don't over dress or be as dressed up as the attnys in suits and ties.

 

[pasajes4]

My 15 yr old difficult child is on probation. I had to pay 20 dollar court fees and 15 dollars a month for 6 months for probation services. He was give 36 hours of community service. I had to drive him there. he also had to attend 6 classes that i had to drive him to. So yep it is a mess.

 

[TerryJ2]

Thanks for the heads-up, pasajes4.

Ggf found some tight-buttoning khakis (lithium or potato chips, anyone?) and a nice white dress shirt, and black dress shoes. No tie.
We did see another teen come in wearing a tie.

The rest of the crowd were ... umm ... pretty much people I wouldn't want to hang out with. There was a sign on the wall: Men, tuck in your shirts and remove your hats before entering the courtroom.
Just sad that you have to tell people that.

Going through security was kind of fun, actually. The deputy pointed out something in my purse that looked odd so we started searching for it. He'd send the purse through the Xray unit again, after having removed a few things and it would still show up. I was guessing at things on the Xray, like the key fob for my car, etc. and I said, "It looks so different on the Xray." He said, "Yes, you get a real education here." He was actually very nice.

After that, it was boring. Sit and wait until your name is called. Get a piece of paper and come back in 3 wks.

 

[nhft]

I have two difficult child's on probation - 12 & 15. Well, actually 12 year old difficult child is off probation right now and is working on becoming a easy child. The system has worked as intended for him so I can't really complain where he's concerned. But yes, family court and probation are the bane of any parent. You can do everything right as a parent, do everything they tell you to, and when things still go horribly wrong, they will want your head on a spike. To keep my sanity I now make a game of it. I fully comply while making them clutch their pearls. Basically if they suggest we do things that aren't legally required of us, I tell them to go fly a kite.

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear, nhft, I hope I don't have to go down that entire path ...

 

[nhft]

That's just my experience so far lol. Try to stay positive! It might have a good outcome. Sometimes kids need that push from the system to be set on the right path. It's worked for one of our children but not for the other. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that it all turns out to be a positive experience for you and your child.

 

[TerryJ2]

Me, too!
He's certainly more alert and more communicative lately.