I know we sometimes sound like a broken record, but have you read "The Explosive Child" yet? I'd actually been part of this site for some months before I had a chance to find a copy (library, eventually). Then some time later, some members discussed aspects of the book on this site and now that discussion is at the top of this forum. I HAD written my own summary of the book (for difficult child 3's teachers; plus it helped me get it straight in my own head) but the discussion was much more concise and effective, I felt.
I was thinking much the same as MWM as I read your post - what about getting ALL the kids checked out thoroughly? It's what we ended up doing. Outcome for us - two and a half out of four kids, on the spectrum. Mind you, the "half" is easy child 2/difficult child 2, who we now feel (as does she herself) that she is Aspie.
YOu say Eric has been diagnosis'd with ODD as well - I'm sceptical. I'd want a second opinion on that, because a lot of autistic kids (and kids with other disabilities) can SEEM oppositional but it's just a combination of their autism (or whatever disorder) clashing with the parenting style. That is NOT to say that you're a bad parent - just that for a lot of these kids, the way WE were raised is NOT the way THEY should be raised, for best outcome. And it's the same with teaching - for a lot of these kids, teachers need to change their srtyle too, or really have their hands full.
The change needed - it's complex to explain (that's why we recommend the book), but to actually implement it was actually easier, for me. MUCH easier. No more reward charts. No more stickers. No more shouting. No more blood pressure problems because of me blowing a gasket.
Yes, I had to make changes, but they were GOOD changes and left me more relaxed. The most important part of it was getting into difficult child 3's head and understanding what was driving him. Once I had that, it was an easy downhill coast from there.
It's still not perfect - far from it. But it is SO much better I'll take whatever I can get!
Your Eric - for everything he's doing, he has a logical reason. And tat reason is NOT primarily finding ways to upset you. He is peeing into bottles for reasons which make perfect sense to him. And I think he's in very exalted company - didn't Howard Hughes do something like that? (I'm a bit rusty on that one...)
Seriously, though, there could be something about using the toilet that frightens him. I remember being afraid of the toilet when I was little - it was big, the room was dark, the cistern made a horrible sound when it was flushed. I also was scared of the bathtub especially the sound it made when it emptied. There was a certain point as it emptied when it would suddenly make a loud sucking, gurgling sound that scared me.
Your mother has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). You have anxiety. Gee, you think there could be a link? (Yup)
If your mother has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) she should understand. Although if he is invading HER space, she is likely to not be feeling too kindly disposed towards him at times!
So often "normal" parents expect their houses to be models of domestic neatness and suburban acceptability.
I gave up long ago. Instead, our house had to adapt to the needs of the whole family, which included the children. The couch has throw blankets over it which I change and wash every so often. The boys come in and lounge on it, bringing in their own brand of dirt and the outdoors. We put spare squares of carpet over the places where the kids make most mess. The walls were covered with posters, kids art, reminder sheets. Doors were (and are) used as noticeboards and calendars. Behind the toilet door is a more intensive learning space - French irregular verbs are best learned while sitting "enthroned", I learnt when I was in high school. I now have in our loo, the latest Periodic Table, some social stories, some Escher prints (including a photo of one done in Lego) and a couple of other things chosen by the kids.
A couch that can't take being jumped on - if you really can't stop them jumping, put the couch in storage and get a wooden bench. Sounds drastic, but it could actually make the lesson ram home. If it doesn't, then your couch is safe until the child HAS learnt to not jump on it.
Climbing - difficult child 3 did that. I couldn't stop him. I remembered a nephew who was a terror for it - my brother took photos of his son climbing EVERYWHERE as soon as he could walk (sooner, I think). I remember the photo of the toddler at the top of a six foot paling fence. Seconds after the photo, the kid got his leg over and was down on the other side, heading for the street. And yes, he turned out to be Aspie as well.
Something I've found - as a general rule, the really persistent climbers have amazing sense of balance. easy child 2/difficult child 2 has been working professionally as a stiltwalker since she was 10 years old. She learnt at an after school circus skills program when she was 8. difficult child 3 has similar skills. Both of them were (and are) avid climbers, from toddlers. easy child 2/difficult child 2 would always walk along hand rails at school and really upset her teachers.
So my strong suggestion - at least for now - adapt your house to the children. Child-proof it. Take a leaf from "The Nanny" and put plastic on the couch. Just as a child with skull or brain problems wears a safety helmet at all times, you need to install the equivalent of a safety helmet for your home.
And if you feel you are losing your mind (join the club) then at least if someone looks at your house and says, "This is crazy!" you can laugh and agree, because having a house that has been modified like this may LOOK crazy, but it's the sanest thing you could do, under the circumstances.
Our house STILL looks crazy, but difficult child 3's therapist (who visits regularly) describes it as "an enriched learning environment".
Feel free to use that phrase as your own. It may not save your sanity, but at least it will help you justify your insanity. Works for me!
Marg