Abandonment? Trying to get in his head again...

[RN0441]

Bluebell:

I'm so sorry. I hate those damned benzos! Have caused our family so much pain. Doctors give them out like candy. My son has a weakness for them. I don't understand why. I've never taken anything like that or even anything more than a mild pain killer. I'd think it just makes you super tired and I'm tired enough on my own.

I'm keeping your son and your family in my prayers. I sometimes feel like I pray 24/7!

 

[Copabanana]

I've never taken anything like that

I have. I am prescribed Xanex which I take to sleep. I take a .5 pill. For several months it worked like a charm and enabled me to fall asleep easily and stay asleep. I did not have troubling nightmares and I did not wake up feeling anxiety and dread.

Except here's the kicker. The .5 pill stopped working. I no longer am able to sleep. While I do stay asleep when I finally do fall asleep I am waking up with dread and have nightmares.

If I were 20 years old or even more foolish than I am, I would be tempted to take two pills, to ask for a higher dose, etc.

It would be very tempting, because the sense of well-being that this and other drugs of this sort promote (I am thinking Vicodin) here are irresistible to somebody who is anxious. They give one the sense that everything is well with the world. To somebody like me (and your son, it seems) this sense of well-being is highly desirable.

I was never addicted but I could have been. Still, I could be, if I was more impulsive or indifferent to consequences.

I will go to the doctor and ask for a sleeping pill like Ambien or I will just not sleep.

If I were 20 years old, would I come to this decision? I do not know.

 

[bluebell]

Thank you all so much! I know we are each going thru our own private he** and it's hard to be there for others, but we are the only ones who understand. SO grateful to have you all. I have been crying all day. And I haven't cried since I can remember I've been so angry.

 

[bluebell]

Copa,
I'm not a dr, but I do have fibro and interstitial cystitis so I have a lot of trouble sleeping when I'm flaring. I take Flexeril which knocks me out but doesn't seem to be addicting. Unfortunately, with my job I can't afford to be knocked out when I'm on call, and probably not coincidentally, that is when my anxiety/fibro/IC tends to flare. So I don't know if it's something you could even take daily. Amazing what we all deal with.

 

[bluebell]

Ok - a little comic relief. I found this funny, but I might be going a little crazy. When I was talking to A's friend last night, he said the guy he was with is hooked on meth and A is hooked on benzos, so they were thinking they would 'cancel each other out'. Yeah, might be more like kill each other... I'm picturing the other guy jumping up and down in the motel room while A is slobbering on his pillow...

 

[RN0441]

Okay yes it is a little morbidly funny! Cancel each other out. Okay!

To add to that my son texted his dad today that he is sorry he stole his money and he has $30 for him. Ya that's funny too.

 

[Copabanana]

Unfortunately, with my job I can't afford to be knocked out when I'm on call

Do you just not take it when you are on call?

I will ask my doctor about the medication you are taking. For a number of years I only took xanex when I had to fly.

I stopped taking it routinely about 10 years ago at a time I was taking both a sleeping pill and xanex to drive to work. (I am afraid to drive sometimes.) One morning, I took the wrong pill! I took the sleeping pill instead of the xanex and drove to work half asleep. (I never had a better commute. I was asleep.) I was stopped entering the job (it was an institution) because I must have been staggering (*imagine that.)

I had to be driven home by friends. Thankfully, I was so well-regarded that this incident did not affect my ability to work or my reputation (in fact the director of the institutional department had done the same thing, she said!!) Which is horrifying on the face of it.

I am thinking of another incident which is just as horrifying (I lost my car and could not find it! Honestly, I am facing that I should not have these pills anywhere near me. Or if I do, to fly, to only have 5 pills at a time). I agree with RN. These pills should be avoided at all costs.

I switched to these pills when I read that the Benadryl I took to sleep (worked great) was associated with dementia. I am thinking that dementia might be preferable.

I am not telling you this to confess my own frailty or shame. I am doing so to illustrate that even a mature and otherwise sensible person can compromise themselves, their safety, that of others, and their profession, in the service of these drugs. I never took more than a mild dose that was physician-prescribed. At the time these pills were not contra-indicated to drive, or I would not have taken them.

These pills are truly demons. I am so, so sorry for your pain.

 

[Copabanana]

so they were thinking they would 'cancel each other out'

I was thinking at first that it was one individual taking the two substances, and I kinda sorta got the logic.

And then, I realized that they were so out to lunch that they were distorting their images of their actual bodily boundaries--OMG--pathetic.

I am going to go out now to do something that is actually objectively necessary to do in my life. Errands.

I am glad Bluebell that you are feeling a little bit better. It so helps to not be so ALONE with this and to actually smile. Duh.

 

[bluebell]

Copa,
I can't take the medication when I'm on call. It sucks. I've even thought of going into management (gasp!) so that I would not have to be oncall. But no, that is so not worth it! I'm glad you made it there safe but I'm kind of laughing. A few years ago I was working from home too soon after surgery (still on pain medications) and I was on a conference call and all I remember is them telling me I'd said enough and need to take the rest of the day off I can't imagine taking more than the small doses I was afforded. I didn't know about Benadryl and dementia. My father was just diagnosed. I will distract myself with a little research....

 

[Copabanana]

I was on a conference call and all I remember is them telling me I'd said enough and need to take the rest of the day off

At first I put the laughing rating (because I am indeed smiling ear to ear at your anecdote. Sorry.) But I thought you might think I was unsupportive about your Dad. I am sorry for his diagnosis. And NOT laughing about that. But I am still smiling at the conference call.

Well. We do have our stories, no?

Funny. Funny. Funny.

Honestly. I am still laughing out loud. Do you think I am trying to take the spotlight off of my own sense of embarrassment and regret about my own conduct (in favor of YOURS)?

It is the pills' fault. It is good to laugh.

 

[bluebell]

Copa,
All is fine. I really have to keep my distance from my dad, because he is so concerned with my son's behavior and obsesses over it. I think I've posted about that before. I stress him out when I see him. And we were never close, my mother died when I was in my 20's and he's remarried. He has a lot of support and is well looked after. For that I am grateful.

 

[Copabanana]

obsesses over it. I think I've posted about that before

I remember now.

I came down on him for his boundaries (he was critical of you I think I remember) before I knew about the diagnosis. And I felt bad.

Got to go now. This is compulsive, our chatting.

You take care. Please. Try to distract yourself with nourishing things. Read. Cook. Needlework. Art. Plants. Walk. That is what I strive to do. When I do it, it works.

 

[Tanya M]

We called them once when son was out of control and my husband was arrested and it nearly ruined his career,

That's terrible! I can understand why you are hesitant to call.

I'm not sure if he even has a warrant. I don't know how this works, but he was arrested a few weeks ago and listed this as his address.

You could call the police and ask them if there is a warrant. They may or may not give an answer.
The internet can also be useful.
My son and I were chatting fairly regularly via private message on FB. He was also posting quite a bit on FB. A couple of weeks went by and I hadn't hear or seen any posts from him. I knew the town he was in so I did some searching. I Googled my son's name and the name of the town he was in and found a picture and then a video of him being arrested. He was on the run and they used a drone with a camera to follow him. I then went to the county web site and searched their arrest records. I can even access the court records.
I got the phone number for the county jail he's in and my husband called to verify if he was still in custody.
I say this with a warning: Do not look if you are not prepared for what you might find.

 

[bluebell]

He was on the run and they used a drone with a camera to follow him.

What a nightmare! I can't imagine being followed by a drone! I think that alone would compel me to become a model citizen.

husband got ahold of him last night, he turned his phone on and actually answered the call. He sounded awake but the conversation devolved when husband started pressing him for long term plans. He was screaming and crying again. He was listing all of the injustices we had dealt him since he turned 13. Not letting him play video games during the week - when as a 13 year old a formerly straight A student started receiving F's, taking the door off his room - when as a 15 year old he had just received his second charge for pot at school and been expelled, etc etc. husband told him we would be turning the phone off, wished him luck and hung up. A called back again more screaming, I don't understand that part. I guess it's part of enmeshment? He's not ready.

 

[Tanya M]

My son blamed us too for all the injustices during his youth. How he had to do chores to earn an allowance and since he wouldn't do his chores no allowance and that's why he stole money from us. Our kids just do not want to accept any responsibility for the mess they have made of their own lives. It's much easier to blame the parents. There is nothing we can do to change their way of thinking.
They can be very convincing in their blame game to where we can start to question if we were good parents or not and this is a dangerous place to end up. Out kids will use this against us, once they find a weak spot they will exploit it.
I have been on the receiving end of my son screaming at the top of his lungs right to my face and also on the phone. At least with the phone you can hang up.