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Parent Emeritus
Abandonment? Trying to get in his head again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 709217" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Bluebell,</p><p></p><p>He put you in a bad position. You were kind enough to let him come over, and he immediately pushed the boundaries by not leaving as agreed. I assume you told him ahead of time what time he had to leave? If so, then you did your part (let him do the laundry, as agreed) and he, once again, didn't do his (leave as agreed). He ever intended to, right? We know that. He figured, correctly, that once you let him in it would be hard for you to make him leave. He was shocked when you stuck with the plan and he escalated, as Tanya pointed out. They always escalate when they start to realize we mean business.</p><p></p><p>You didn't abandon him. You are steadily, firmly, kindly creating a world of consequences so that he can start, belatedly, to understand how to deal with people. Stick to it. You are doing a good job of parenting. Also...you have a right to peace in your house. A 20 year old doesn't have the right to come make everyone stressed and uncomfortable just because he wants to be there. Not the deal.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. These are hard days. The more cleanly you can stick to the plan, the better and faster it goes by. PS, I agree with you...I wouldnt' have let him come do the laundry. Well, actually, I would have...the first 20 times...but the 21st time I would finally have known better! Give your husband a hug. You are on the same side. Its hard all around. </p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 709217, member: 17269"] Bluebell, He put you in a bad position. You were kind enough to let him come over, and he immediately pushed the boundaries by not leaving as agreed. I assume you told him ahead of time what time he had to leave? If so, then you did your part (let him do the laundry, as agreed) and he, once again, didn't do his (leave as agreed). He ever intended to, right? We know that. He figured, correctly, that once you let him in it would be hard for you to make him leave. He was shocked when you stuck with the plan and he escalated, as Tanya pointed out. They always escalate when they start to realize we mean business. You didn't abandon him. You are steadily, firmly, kindly creating a world of consequences so that he can start, belatedly, to understand how to deal with people. Stick to it. You are doing a good job of parenting. Also...you have a right to peace in your house. A 20 year old doesn't have the right to come make everyone stressed and uncomfortable just because he wants to be there. Not the deal. Good luck. These are hard days. The more cleanly you can stick to the plan, the better and faster it goes by. PS, I agree with you...I wouldnt' have let him come do the laundry. Well, actually, I would have...the first 20 times...but the 21st time I would finally have known better! Give your husband a hug. You are on the same side. Its hard all around. Echo [/QUOTE]
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Abandonment? Trying to get in his head again...
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