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Abandonment? Trying to get in his head again...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709413" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I validate this completely, if you feel there are risks. There are stories on this forum where parents called police and lost control of the situation. </p><p></p><p>The issue here is this (however horrible it is and feels): <em>You have no control to help or save your son. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>However many times you may intervene to protect or to try to control the situation, he will and can undue, if he wants.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Trust me. I have tried and tried and tried to do so in my own life, with my own child. He will only do what he wants, when he wants. He will undue every single thing I try to impose or override.</p><p></p><p>If you were successful in getting the police to the motel, and they took him forcibly to the hospital, your son would get out, and if he wanted to he would get himself to a different motel and do the same exact thing.</p><p></p><p>The change that needs to happen is to stop seeing yourself a the PIVOT point in his life. He is not 2 years old. He is not 5 years old.</p><p></p><p>He is the PIVOT in his own life now. Like it or not, this is what I am facing now.</p><p></p><p>Somehow I have not gotten this extremely basic point until now.</p><p></p><p>And I am the PIVOT in my own life. I have the option to not destroy myself, or allow myself to be destroyed in the service of saving my son (who will NOT BE saved unless he wants to save himself and does the work to do so.)</p><p></p><p>How in the world I missed this, or resisted this essential reality, I cannot know. But I did.</p><p></p><p>Your family has ALREADY suffered enough at the altar of this misconception that you have control or can control what he does.</p><p></p><p>My son has issues too, where he can die. It is very, very hard to accept that I cannot stop him from dying. I am not a religious person. But I realize now, that my son's life is in g-d's hands, not my own.</p><p></p><p>I have learned to pray. To pray that my son stay alive and to pray that he stay safe. To pray to g-d to protect my son. This gives me a measure of peace.</p><p>This is so horrible! Your husband, you, your home, your family MUST BE protected. This is foremost. Sacrificing more is the WRONG thing to do; putting yourselves at risk again would only serve to HURT your son. When he recovers, he will feel it is his fault.</p><p></p><p>You are valuable to you. Our homes, ourselves--we must be protected, held of value, for our children to RETURN when they choose to do the work to do so. Sacrificing ourselves does not work.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you. Please, please find comfort from our care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709413, member: 18958"] I validate this completely, if you feel there are risks. There are stories on this forum where parents called police and lost control of the situation. The issue here is this (however horrible it is and feels): [I]You have no control to help or save your son. However many times you may intervene to protect or to try to control the situation, he will and can undue, if he wants. [/I] Trust me. I have tried and tried and tried to do so in my own life, with my own child. He will only do what he wants, when he wants. He will undue every single thing I try to impose or override. If you were successful in getting the police to the motel, and they took him forcibly to the hospital, your son would get out, and if he wanted to he would get himself to a different motel and do the same exact thing. The change that needs to happen is to stop seeing yourself a the PIVOT point in his life. He is not 2 years old. He is not 5 years old. He is the PIVOT in his own life now. Like it or not, this is what I am facing now. Somehow I have not gotten this extremely basic point until now. And I am the PIVOT in my own life. I have the option to not destroy myself, or allow myself to be destroyed in the service of saving my son (who will NOT BE saved unless he wants to save himself and does the work to do so.) How in the world I missed this, or resisted this essential reality, I cannot know. But I did. Your family has ALREADY suffered enough at the altar of this misconception that you have control or can control what he does. My son has issues too, where he can die. It is very, very hard to accept that I cannot stop him from dying. I am not a religious person. But I realize now, that my son's life is in g-d's hands, not my own. I have learned to pray. To pray that my son stay alive and to pray that he stay safe. To pray to g-d to protect my son. This gives me a measure of peace. This is so horrible! Your husband, you, your home, your family MUST BE protected. This is foremost. Sacrificing more is the WRONG thing to do; putting yourselves at risk again would only serve to HURT your son. When he recovers, he will feel it is his fault. You are valuable to you. Our homes, ourselves--we must be protected, held of value, for our children to RETURN when they choose to do the work to do so. Sacrificing ourselves does not work. My heart goes out to you. Please, please find comfort from our care. [/QUOTE]
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Abandonment? Trying to get in his head again...
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