Abbreviations, Acronyms, Automagic

[SuZir]

Unfortunately no one outside of our community would ever search for difficult child and if they search for p c they would be searching for something about a computer which has nothing to do with our community. If we continue to use these acronyms instead of words we're never going to show up in search results.

To be honest: who searchs for 'difficult child' either? What does it even mean? Of course English is not my native language so it may evade my understanding, but for me, difficult child would refer mostly just some child (as in person who is a minor) being somehow difficult to deal with. Only time I have heard the phrase used, it has been in literature aimed for coaches etc. volunteers who work with kids and who only can know that some kid is difficult, not their diagnosis etc. like for example teacher would.

I myself found this board by searching for conduct disorder. From the new people's posts here, we can often notice that they have found it by googling for example ODD or (adult) child stealing. I'm sure many other diagnosis, names of drugs, mentioning IEPs etc have brought people here. But I sincerly doubt that there are loads of people out there googling phrase "difficult child" (which by the way gives you mainly hits to some books sold in Amazon at least for me.)

Wouldn't it be more effective to try to highlight more likely search terms that are not quite as generic as difficult child. Either behaviours or diagnosis that are typical to our g f gs?

 

[runawaybunny]

Difficult child and easy child were originally proposed a few years ago by SRL as replacements for difficult child and p c. She felt strongly that the words represented by those acronyms were offensive and she petitioned to have them to be replaced. At the time I argued that difficult child had a meaning that meant more to our community than "gift from God" and that changing it would be too disruptive.

Fast forward to today where we need to be up to date with the current requirements of search engine optimization. I am aware that difficult child has evolved into a much greater meaning for this community. Unfortunately google doesn't care about what we think...

 

[dstc_99]

If you don't like the change to difficult child what would you like? I see lots of upset over your words being altered but not many recommendations to fix it.

Typical child
Atypical child

problem child
Normal child

Mentally disturbed child
Not mentally disturbed child

Difficult Person
Perfect person

PITA kid


Personally if it is offensive find a non offensive fix that works for the site that has supported you not against it.

I have for years described my daughter on sites as Cheer Diva or just T. My other daughter has been Bug or C. It's not that big of a deal. And yes I understand some sentences won't make perfect sense. Then again some of them didn't make sense the first time around.

 

[Signorina]

That's the very crux of it 99. This isn't a change going forward. In every post I ever wrote about my kids or spouse- said kid or spouse has been labeled difficult child, easy child or husband without my input or choice. I very often tell my children that they have been God's greatest blessing to me. I always tried to post respectfully about my family members even when I felt most challenged- and if my beloved albeit troublesome boy found my posts - I'd stand by them and my choice to refer to him as a gift from God 100%. Because I truly believe children are gods greatest gifts and no matter how difficult our situation is- he is above all a blessing to me. The term difficult child reminded me of that.

if he were to stumble across this site now and read my thousands of back posts referring to him a a "Difficult child" - he would be heartbroken and so would I. He would think "Difficult Child" to be the description I chose for him.

My posts sure- but not my originally written words. And I truly realize that the motive behind changing all these posts was altruistic and meant without harm, but having my heartfelt words changed in my name makes me uneasy.

These boards have been a blessing and a godsend to me and as such, I learned the lingo and played by the rules- eliminating personal details and substituting the chosen acronyms. A rolling change or perhaps banning the acronyms would have made more sense and sat more comfortably than the altering of posts, signatures and personal stories without even a heads up.

Again- I know it was not meant to harm or cause hurt or unrest and it was done with good intentions but I feel compromised.

 

[runawaybunny]

I hoped that using the terms that SRL was petitioning for would be an reasonable option but if anyone wants to offer words that the believe would be more suitable then maybe we ought to offer a few replacement choices and have the members vote on them.

Please be aware that the options for text replacements are limited to this software's capabilities.

I do not have the option to make these changes in the future only. The date that the post was made is not part of the criteria.

Location of the text to be replaced, such as in signature, title or post text, is not part of the criteria.

 

[SuZir]

I do not have the option to make these changes in the future only. The date that the post was made is not part of the criteria.
Location of the text to be replaced, such as in signature, title or post text, is not part of the criteria.

If change can't be made without altering our old messages, why do it at all? Why not just ask us refraining from using difficult child (notice that many have now just moved to use the term with spaces to avoid it altering to difficult child) or any other word, that you think is not for the greater good of the board. Then let it for us to decide if we want to call our loved ones difficult or simply for example son/daughter1 and son/daughter2 and so on.

All you managed to obtain by altering our messages is lots of 'difficult child's in old posts and lots of 'difficult child's in newer ones. If 'difficult child' really is a magic search term that will make people whose kids have neurological/mental health/addiction issues find this board, that of course is great, but are you really sure that is, that is going to happen?

I have nothing against spelling out acronyms that actually mean the same thing, psychiatrist instead of p d o c or borderline personality disorder instead of B P D is fine for me and latter change can even help someone to find this board. But difficult child and difficult child are not synonyms.

 

[runawaybunny]

Do you have any suggestions that would be a better fit? If not then we will go with the terms that SRL wanted to use.

 

[SuZir]

Typical child and atypical child, or even troubled child would be slightly more neutral, but those would not make much better search terms than 'difficult child.' However, I still don't understand what is to be gained by having this site full of 'difficult child's? Is it really a go-to search term that will loads of new people here? And are you worried at all, that some of those new people will not dare to write, when they find out that their words are a subject of later altering without asking their permission or against their wishes? We old comers are attached to the board and many people here, so we keep coming back even if that kind of threat sits badly at us.

But I do know I would never write a word to any new board I just found, if I find out, that there is the past MO from powers that be, that messages people write there may be changed afterwards by site administration without asking those people. If you find a new board and it has the policy that allows something like that, how can you trust them not to change your words to something you can't agree with, or decide to change the board so that your IP address becomes public or make your private messages public? We who 'know' you for the long time know that you would not do such a thing, but how is a newcomer to know that this is an only type of questionable administration tactic you will use? This time and date people are being increasingly aware the security and privacy risks web causes. And I do know for sure, that if I was to ask advice from anyone about writing to the board, and so personal matters we write here nonetheless, that has history of altering people's messages after they have written them, they all would tell me never to write a word or to register to that kind of board.

 

[runawaybunny]

You seem to have made a leap from a practical matter into theoretical speculation. Search engine optimization does not indicate that I have nefarious intentions and cannot be trusted.

That's okay. You don't know me. I'm going to violate my own privacy policy and post a link to my profile to give you some idea of who I am and why I do this. http://www.socialpsychology.org/member/cheryl-ferraro

I know that won't change your mind, but it's the only thing I can think of right now.

 

[SuZir]

You seem to have made a leap from a practical matter into theoretical speculation.

When you alter other people's words it is not just a 'practical matter' any more.

In my country some official made a practical proposal for collecting highway tolls. It would be so convenient if every car would have a GPS chip and government would then keep track of movements of those cars and then send a bill for the owner according which roads they had driven at what times. Guess what, people were not able to see the proposal simply brilliant practical solution but made all kinds of leaps to all kind of ideological and theoretical things. But people are like that. People do not excuse all kinds of things that are against what people think is right, just because it is practical to some. (Yes, the proposal was shot down quickly.)

I totally believe you are in no way malicious and I believe you truly see this as an insignificant practical matter. But you have to understand that for some people it is not just 'practical matter', if they have written something and someone else alters it to say something they didn't write nor meant without their permission and it still have their name under it. I have currently gone through and edited back (I again thank you for permission to do it) maybe few hundred of my messages to this board, so about 1500 to go, it is bit of the task, but it is just that important to me, that in my name there is not published words I can't stand behind for (yes, I do think about the possibility that my older son would some day find and read these.)

And as I said I also do believe 100 % you would not make changes that would betray our privacy. But if I were a newcomer and didn't have such a faith on you, I would never dare to write a word to a place that has so questionable policies as altering their members texts without their permission and after they have been published.

 

[BusynMember]

Every forum has somebody who runs it and it's not easy, from what I understand.

Right now runawaybunny, who is very kind, is running it.

On every forum I've ever been on, and I've been on many, there are rules and you can't stay on the forum if you break them, kind of like laws that we want our kids to follow or they can end up in jail. Cheryl is being very generous by giving us a say so at all. I feel that if we don't want to take over running the board and t he possible cost of doing so, we should respect her and what she wants to do.This isn't even a rule. It's a practical change. She explained why.

WE always have t he option of using our own ways to address our adult children such as Son or Daughter or Drug Abusing Daughter or make up names such as Amy or Mary or Out-Of-Control. I really am puzzled that so many people are disturbed by this. Nobody can please everyone on the board.

I never liked Gift from God. I felt it was inappropriate. And Perfect Child? Tongue in cheek or not, I didn't like it, but it's not my monkey, not my circus I don't want to run the board. I don't want to be in charge. So I have no dog in this fight I usually call 37 by 37 or Son. And I use my grown children's names as they are legal adults now and nobody knows their last names or addresses.

Maybe we'll get more traffic with the changes. I always welcome newcomers to post. I think it really helps.

Just.My.Two.Cents......and that ain't a pile of gold

 

[Mominator]

As a newcomer, I'd like to say a couple things.

I understand both sides of this issue. I'm a techie, so I understand the need to change the acronyms to increase the chances this website will be discovered by parents in need. I also completely understand where SuZir is coming from. My thought processes tend to follow along the same lines... All technology has both good and bad possible uses. Some of us automatically "sense" where something could turn bad if it is being used or controlled by people with other than good intentions. That is not the case here.

That said, I'd like to propose the following options...

• The acronyms can be changed with the exception of difficult child and easy child - they can be left the same OR
• The acronyms difficult child changed to SNMC (Special Needs Minor Child) or SNAC (Special Needs Adult Child) and easy child changed to TNMC (Typical Needs Minor Child) or TNAC (Typical Needs Adult Child)
• If neither of the above will work, perhaps a statement can be permanently placed at the top of the FORUMS page briefly explaining the situation. I'm not great at wording these things so it would have to be tweaked, but something along the lines of:
  • "ATTENTION MEMBERS, NEWCOMERS, AND VISITORS: As of 1/30/2015, certain site specific acronyms that were deemed obscure to search engines were replaced throughout the website. For example, Gift From God was replaced with the term "difficult child" and Perfect Child was replaced with the term "easy child". The administration of this site understands that neither the terms nor the acronyms accurately depicts our members' emotions nor describes the level of love for family members. We acknowledge the change may, under certain circumstances, change the connotation or lead to some confusion of posts made prior to 1/30/2015. However, we felt the changes would work to attract larger numbers of "battle weary parents" in need of support so that we may provide them "a soft place to land". Thank you for your understanding."

 

[dstc_99]

I think the point is not that difficult child is a magic search word. I think the point is difficult child doesn't mean a dang thing to people except us. How are people to find us for support? How are we to get support from people? The only way to do that is to stay relevant and accessible. difficult child is only relevant to us. In order to stay accessible we have to use s terminology that people comprehend.

I wouldn't be here if it weren't for a search for ODD. Had my child had no diagnosis I would have probably never found you all. In fact last time I moved I had great difficulty re-finding this site on my computer. I now have its link saved.

Those who do not grow wither and die. I prefer to take the occasional lump than to have nowhere to go. Unfortunately we are not a democracy who gets to vote on this. Then again I am glad I don't have to vote. I prefer a nice place to come and chat not a place I have too ponder my politics.

 

[Nomad]

Why are all those other things altered, RB, if the purpose is for searches? For example, D I L ? I don't think anyone coming to this site would be searching under daughter in law?

I don't see any problem overall. For clarification, we should refer to our kids, that we formally referred to as difficult child's in any way that we deem appropriate???? So, I might say my daughter who has bipolar illness, my child who suffers from a mental illness, my difficult child, my problem child, my child with mental health issues...etc.?

 

[BusynMember]

There is so much to this site. It isn't a political forum where we worry about human rights.

In fact, I have chatted A LOT of real political sites...three to be exact. They were on MIRC, so you chatted in real time.

All three had different flavors, but NONE of them allowed, what would be considered, free speech. They were private chat sites, with an owner, and the owner made up the rules and they were not as nice as Cheryl. If you argued about the many rules, you were banned. Should we allow cuss words too? Can we not handle the one who pays for the site and maintains it to make slight changes to the site?

I don't know how many of you were here when Fran, who was the original owner, decided not to run this site anymore, but I remember thinking, "Wow. If somebody doesn't buy it and keep it going, it won't exist. Who would want to take over caring for this forum?"

Must be a monster job. I think we should appreciate it. This is petty...the site is to get support and understanding from other mothers and it's not going to change the world. We can't always do what we like, if we want to use privately owned forums.

Just the facts, ma'am

 

[Kathy813]

MWM, I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[Nancy]

Just to clarify MWM, Deb owned the site before Fran and before her it was started by Momabear. That was a long time ago and I can't believe I've been here that long. But that brings me to being so grateful this board had survived these many years and if we all do our part it can survive longer. Let's all help Cheryl instead of looking for ways to make her job more difficult.

 

[BusynMember]

Wow, Nancy. I guess you've been here even longer than me. Fran was the owner when I jumped on board.

I still agree we should lay off Cheryl. We don't like when our kids argue inevitable rules, yet we do it....it can't be easy to run this site and I don't see anyone offering to do it for Cheryl. There are people on here for real issues about their adult children. Who cares what we call them? If we can care THAT much, then I guess our kids are doing pretty well.

Also, I'm sure anyone can form his/her own support site and use difficult child. Anyone want to take that on? The expense? The upkeep? The constant monitoring?Want to be the one to delete all the troll posts from India in the middle of the night?

This too shall pass. But it's not our business to tell somebody how to run a forum that does not belong to us, just like we can't tell a store manager that she has to or should allow me to bring my dogs into her store.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Cheryl - that's part of the problem with replacing difficult child. There IS no other phrase that really captures it. Difficult child? that would apply to my easy one. difficult child is... well, I guess, that one is just more like other kids being discussed on this forum. I know that I would never have searched for "difficult child". It doesn't say enough. I wouldn't have searched for difficult child either. "Conduct disorder" got me here... difficult child doesn't have it, it was just suggested as a possibility... or I still wouldn't have found this site.

Personally, I have no problem with the extension of diagnosis, husband, etc. Those pretty much make sense. It's like "tsp" on a recipe site - if you know recipes, you know that it means teaspoon, but it doesn't bother the rest of us who know recipes if the site uses "teaspoon" instead of "tsp".

There just isn't really a good replacement that I can come up with for difficult child. A difficult child is "the reason we are here". It's the "person with multiple challenges" - not always a child. It's the undiagnosed, the unexplainable, the... impossible person. None of which would ever be used in a search engine, if you know what I mean?

I'm with some of the others that it makes sense to keep the short forms in sigs. We don't have unlimited space in a sig, and it really gets tiresome to see the same sig over and over when they are LONG. Short forms enable us to tell each other a lot in a short space.

 

[InsaneCdn]

What do we do if the short form expansion has unintended consequences? mother in law in my world is short for Mildred - and mother in law is mother in law, said the same way.

Is there some good acronym dictionary that we can check against? Like, does I R stand for anything? (I P does... it's standard for internet protocol)