Abbreviations, Acronyms, Automagic

[InsaneCdn]

I vote we start a new thread, with the specific purpose of finding a better replacement for the most troublesome short forms - difficult child, and P C for starters. I believe runawaybunny is open to our versions, if we can agree...

If you think I should start this, give me a bunch of likes. (rather than making this thread longer just "voting")

 

[susiestar]

MWM, you hit the nail on the head with your first post in the thread. Thank you.

My kids got board names because if one of them went and looked at the acronyms they would be hurt. ALL of my kids are gifts from God and not a single one of them is a Perfect Child. So using the acronyms would have really hurt them. I didn't make a fuss over the names on the various threads that came up when someone objected to the acronyms because it didn't seem relevant to the overall purpose of the forum.

Changes happen. This one was not done to harm anyone. I do think people search on the term "difficult child". I did back when I was trying to figure out what was going on to make my child act the way he did. I am sure the terms used to describe our kids varies from area to area, but "difficult child" IS used to search in at least some areas.

Cheryl has offered established members the option of going back to their old posts to change the acronyms to something that does not bother them. That is MORE than generous and WAY MORE than most site owners would allow. If the change truly bothers you, esp if it bothers you enough to suggest that you will bring legal action that would mean the forum will be shut down, then it bothers you enough to change your past posts, even if there are thousands of them. If it doesn't bother you enough to have you take up Cheryl's offer and to invest your time and energy into changing your old posts, then maybe it doesn't really make that big of an impact in your life to warrant all of this. I for one would prefer to either change all my old posts rather than destroying an entire forum that supports a substantial community in a way that cannot be found in any other forum anywhere. Or I would simply have a chat with my kids to explain why I used those terms rather than other words if and when it became an issue with my kids.

I have seen forums shut down over people threatening legal action when a change they didn't like was made. It leaves entire communities of people without support and even if another member opens up a similar forum, things are never truly rebuilt. This community serves a crucial service for so many of us. I would most likely NOT have a child who is no longer violent and who is rebuilding his relationships in positive ways. I would NEVER have been able to find the help and services for him that I did, much less been able to hold the schools to his IEP or to deal with the various doctors and therapists etc... to find the things he needed and avoid the pitfalls and problems that the bad/incompetent ones presented. I stick around because y'all are my family and my friends, and so that in some small way I can give back. Without this forum I would have one child either dead or maimed, one child either dead or in prison, and would likely be dead or in prison myself. I am not being dramatic. This is simply where we were headed. So I don't want to see this place closed and I want to try to give back by being here to offer help when and where I can.

Cheryl, I think the change is great. I appreciate your willingness to allow us to go and change our old posts if we want to regarding the acronyms. Most of all, I appreciate simply having the forum.

 

[BusynMember]

SusieStar, and thank YOU.

Notice most of us are not upset.

If you are that upset, there is another option also. Although every single member here is valuable to this board's input, I would rather have somebody leave than go to court, although I believe they'd lose as this is a privately owned site. I didn't read a post about anyone threatening legal action but I skipped over quite a few since I feel this is not the reason the forum is here and I am trying to help respond to the people who actually need help. This issue has some focused on it, and not the parents who may be suffering.

The forum will survive. It has survived for a very long time. Some new people will come. Some will leave over this issue and, if so, then my feeling is, they are more interested in pettiness than needing the community of parents fighting the hard battles of having a difficult child. Also, Susie, like you, I looked under "difficult child" and also "struggling child." Not all of our children are adults. I came when my kids were young.

If our kids put up a fuss over something as trite as a word, would we honestly take them seriously or would we say, "There they go again."

I'm going back to doing what I"m here to do...trying to help struggling moms who are interested in finding understanding rather than worrying about how we refer to our grown children. I am overwhelmingly supporting Cheryl and the moderators who work so hard to give us all a place to vent, cry, share and heal. Honestly, if this site doesn't meet your needs and you don't want to be the one staying up at night deleting the posts from the Love Doctor in India who spams our site, then find another place you like better. But they will also have rules. And you will have to follow them whether you like them or not or else you will be banned. This particular forum is very good about NOT banning people.

I hope we can get back to the spirit of the board in a little while and drop this issue. It has nothing to do with why we came here.

 

[BusynMember]

One last thing I know for sure:

In the U.S. it is perfectly legal to change any words in a privately owned forum if the owner believes they are not appropriate. This is a PRIVATELY OWNED FORUM. Now Cheryl does not censor much, but it is not illegal to change our words. I can't speak about other countries, but this is not The World. This is a privately owned forum and on no privately owned forums can you say whatever you want. Heck, I like to read one forum for divorce, which I kind of just scan for humor and got into reading when 37 went through his divorce. Those guys routinely eliminate posts if they don't like what is said or alter them or edit them without the poster's permission.

It may not be your idea of a good forum, but it is perfectly LEGAL. The forum has an owner and the owner can do what he wants.

Cheryl is the best forum owner I have ever known.

 

[runawaybunny]

All opinions are welcome about this. I greatly appreciate those of you that have been so generous with your kind words and support. I also greatly respect the opinions of those of you that find these changes too disruptive and invasive. All of these viewpoints are valid. I know that if I were on the member side I would have most likely been really annoyed and voiced my opposition to these changes too.

I learned long ago when that the collective wisdom found here can make a huge difference for struggling parents. I am one of them. I'm not a wise warrior with a gift for words so my contribution back to the community is to be a facilitator and do what is necessary to keep this community alive. I do realize that these changes are annoying and disruptive but the intention is to be visible on today's internet.

Again, I apologize for the disruption. My husband and I still use difficult child in the context of our daily conversations. We both know what it means.