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Abolish Adolescence
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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 56097" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Allen,</p><p></p><p>Your post, to me, is a lot of generalizations. None of my easy child's teen friends are free to endlessly spend, be disrespectful or stay out all night. Some of them are having sex, but that's been the case since the beginning of time. Huge generalization to include all teens in this statement. That is unfair and disrespectful to the group you are trying to build up, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>"Infantilization???????" Psychobabble, in my opinion!!!!!!!!! They are still kids! Their brains aren't even finished developing yet, nor are they close to the people they will one day become. Household chores are not meaningful, cause tension and conflict???? Too darn bad! It is the responsibility of everyone within a family to do their part to insure the family is taken care of. If my easy child takes out the trash, keeps her room clean, and helps with the housework, then she is being taught to not only take care of herself, but to understnad that everyone has a responsibility. If my difficult child has to bring the empty trashcans around, sort the laundry, keep his room clean and feed the dog, then he also understands that everyone must pitch in for things to run smoothly. I feel a lot better knowing that, when easy child is out on her own in two years, she will now how to run the washing machine, empty a dishwasher, and run the vacuum. She will also know how to balance a checkbook and budget her money.</p><p></p><p>Sure, there are times when my kids don't want to do their chores or handle their responsibilty, but me too! I don't want to do the laundry today but I will. By giving my daughter responsibity from an early age, to pitch in around the house and handle a few things, I learned a lot about her sense of responsibility and trust. When it came time for her to drive, I knew I had a responsible kid on my hands because she had already proved she could handle some responsibity.</p><p></p><p>What are we supposed to do - let them pay the mortgage, raise their younger siblings, go to work to earn the family income? I'm not really sure exactly what the meaning of "confer property rights" has to do with teen responsiblity?</p><p></p><p>The issue of "culture-driven misbehavior" that is included in your last paragraph is, in my opinion, bunk. Teen misbehavior is most often a case of bad parenting (not in all cases, but in most). Teens are not necessarily predestined to misbehave. They are wired to question authority and be lazy, not by society but by their very nature. As good parents, it is our resonsiblity to teach them responsibility. Why would we want to abolish adolescense when that is the time most teens are making their marks, figuring out who they are, and coming into their own. It is a time of excitement and disappointment - kinda like what they will experience out on their own. Highs and lows are part of life. </p><p></p><p>It is not our job as parents to give our teens false rights that they are too immature to handle, but to give them rights based on their level of trustworthiness. That way you don't set them up for failure. If they give you a reason not to trust them, then you don't trust them. Natural consequences.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, "we'll become more conscious of the remarkable things teens can do" if we teach them from a young age to become responsible for themselves and to pitch in be an active member of their household by taking part in the day to day rather than watching the day to day happen.</p><p></p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 56097, member: 805"] Allen, Your post, to me, is a lot of generalizations. None of my easy child's teen friends are free to endlessly spend, be disrespectful or stay out all night. Some of them are having sex, but that's been the case since the beginning of time. Huge generalization to include all teens in this statement. That is unfair and disrespectful to the group you are trying to build up, in my opinion. "Infantilization???????" Psychobabble, in my opinion!!!!!!!!! They are still kids! Their brains aren't even finished developing yet, nor are they close to the people they will one day become. Household chores are not meaningful, cause tension and conflict???? Too darn bad! It is the responsibility of everyone within a family to do their part to insure the family is taken care of. If my easy child takes out the trash, keeps her room clean, and helps with the housework, then she is being taught to not only take care of herself, but to understnad that everyone has a responsibility. If my difficult child has to bring the empty trashcans around, sort the laundry, keep his room clean and feed the dog, then he also understands that everyone must pitch in for things to run smoothly. I feel a lot better knowing that, when easy child is out on her own in two years, she will now how to run the washing machine, empty a dishwasher, and run the vacuum. She will also know how to balance a checkbook and budget her money. Sure, there are times when my kids don't want to do their chores or handle their responsibilty, but me too! I don't want to do the laundry today but I will. By giving my daughter responsibity from an early age, to pitch in around the house and handle a few things, I learned a lot about her sense of responsibility and trust. When it came time for her to drive, I knew I had a responsible kid on my hands because she had already proved she could handle some responsibity. What are we supposed to do - let them pay the mortgage, raise their younger siblings, go to work to earn the family income? I'm not really sure exactly what the meaning of "confer property rights" has to do with teen responsiblity? The issue of "culture-driven misbehavior" that is included in your last paragraph is, in my opinion, bunk. Teen misbehavior is most often a case of bad parenting (not in all cases, but in most). Teens are not necessarily predestined to misbehave. They are wired to question authority and be lazy, not by society but by their very nature. As good parents, it is our resonsiblity to teach them responsibility. Why would we want to abolish adolescense when that is the time most teens are making their marks, figuring out who they are, and coming into their own. It is a time of excitement and disappointment - kinda like what they will experience out on their own. Highs and lows are part of life. It is not our job as parents to give our teens false rights that they are too immature to handle, but to give them rights based on their level of trustworthiness. That way you don't set them up for failure. If they give you a reason not to trust them, then you don't trust them. Natural consequences. In my opinion, "we'll become more conscious of the remarkable things teens can do" if we teach them from a young age to become responsible for themselves and to pitch in be an active member of their household by taking part in the day to day rather than watching the day to day happen. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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