About difficult child's child support

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just got the return call from DSS about difficult child's child support that I have to go to court about to find out how much I'll have to pay each month while difficult child is incarcerated. I asked the lady if they ever went back to a father who lives out of state to get some CS from him, too, if paternity was never established. She said they were already going after him. I reminded her that paternity was never established and she said if he questioned it, then he could request the test and take it and prove it one way or another. I asked if they did more than just run an ad ini the paper to locate him and find him and she said yes- however since he dodged all legal efforts to make him pay CS on his daughter, I doubt they will ever get him on this. Still, I think this is a good thing. I told her I had a little info on him and she told me his CW's name and to fax it to her. Can I request/expect them to keep my contact info private and not give him that info? I guess once difficult child is home again, they will give him our address/phone number even if they don't have him in court yet, right? I'm a little afraid of him physically but more concerned about harassing phone calls and such.

    Should I tell difficult child this or wait to see if they can get the father into court? Really, I'd bet they'll set a court date and he just won't show up. Then what do they do?

    The lady also asked me if difficult child's father had ever been incarcerated before and I told her yes. How does that help them if the person isn't required to register and keep an address on file- like a sex offender would? I don't think he ever had to keep an address listed with the state for anything and his daughter is grown now so that CS issue is long past- unless they still go after a parent who never paid it to pay it in arrears.
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2009
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They have a ton of ways of finding him...trust me. I worked in a unit right next to the child support enforcement unit. Sometimes they helped me locate a person...lol. They have access to driver's license databases, tax records, work records, unemployment rolls, Social Security database, Income tax records, criminal databases. And many more that I cant think of right off the bat.

    As far as giving out your information, no, they dont do that. Especially if you request that they dont. But most of them dont anyway. They may say its going to such and such state but that is all.

    Trust me, if putative daddy is in any database out there, child support can find him.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Some of that is info I am going to provide them. There is more than one person in that state with his name- first of all, they didn't even know what location he was in. Anyway, I saved something with a little info on him- a DL# or something and have it in an envelope in difficult child's baby book. It has been there for 15 years. LOL! I can give them that and tell them which DSS location to contact in that state regarding his daughter's CS- if they can do that(?) because that DSS would have the most info on him. He dodged that one by 1) working under the table, 2) marrying someone who hid him and kept everything in her maiden name, 3) not appearing in court time and time again then hiding from bondsmen, etc.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like my ex. That worked out ok in the old days. My ex even tried to join the Latter day saints to avoid CS...lmao. I will never get CS because it is so long ago but he got caught on his later kids. I actually was contacted by his second wife and asked to provide a notarized statement for her divorce. She did that same hiding him thing in their marriage cause he told her he was sending me money and I was lying to the state. Yeah right...lol. She later figured out he was a lying cheating idiot and begged my forgiveness. I just felt sorry for her. She ended up married to the jerk for like 15 years and had 4 kids with him. Poor girl.

    One thing I never forgot was jerks social security number. I still remember it. Odd. LOL. I only knew him for such a short time but that number is etched in my memory. I dont even know my own kids social security numbers!

    You know what? I just ran NC's Child Support calculator because Cory's baby momma has decided to start getting witchy and wanting to press Cory for money. Now I know that he should be helping with Keyana but (the big BUT) he is on SSI, and she knew he was on SSI when she deliberately got pregnant with Keyana. She thought that by him being on SSI that she would get his check which is so not true. With him being on SSI, he is not required to pay child support. Of course, he has always bought her things and given money when he has had it to give. He tries and we have always given whatever is needed in the way of anything they asked for.

    Well she has asked for 25 a week. She says that is what her oldest sons dad is paying and he has just went in the military! He makes much more than Cory who only makes like 650 a month. I just ran the child support calculator and it says that Cory would owe 0 a month...lol. Even if he earned that amount in cash money working...he would owe 0....lmao. Now he is going to try and accommodate her and dig some amount of money out of his already stretched to the max budget but she is nuts. She knew she was making a baby with someone on SSI. She also knew she made her first kid with a 14 year old when she was 19. So she went almost 5 years with no child support for that child.
  5. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    We have been going thru the child support issue with SO's youngest son. When SO went on disability, they asked for his son's name, address etc. We couldn't provide it because X had taken him and disappeared. Out of the blue part of his disability check was taken for CS. We wrote to the Child Support division asking where his son was living, and they would not tell him anything. He could write a letter and forward to the mother who was to decide if she would give it to him or not, but we were not allowed any information at all.

    He just turned 18 this month, and I funny enough found him on Facebook. Turns out we couldn't find him because she had her 4th husband adopt him, and his name had changed. We called CS and told them he was adopted in 97. They verified it but trying to get support stopped is an ongoing ordeal and they still will not give us any information on address, etc. even though he is now 18, so I wouldn't worry about your X finding out any details about you or your son.

    We can log in to Child Support, and see daily efforts STILL to find any assets, lawsuits where payment may be forthcomming to SO, any cars in his name, property etc. despite knowledge of what his X did was fully illegal, having son adopted and collecting child support from SO.

  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, I just spent the last hour looking for that info. I thought I had lost it or difficult child had gotten a hold of it - but well, it pays to be a pack rat sometimes! Despite 15 years and 4 moves, I found it!

    Janet, I'm sure a lot has changed over the past 30+ years but my step-dad was on partial SSDI and had to pay child support. It might be different for full disability.

    Marcie- your situation sounds horrible. I'm a pessimist when it comes to things like this- it just always looks like the system is working for the guilty party and that varies with whichever party is the least deserving.

    My dream is for difficult child's father to have to some day face his son and that difficult child can finally see his father and know what he looks like. I don't expect them to ever have a good relationship or for difficult child to ever feel loved by his father but even my piddly little dream for difficult child will probably never come true.
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Will a driver's license number from 15 years ago help them?
  8. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    Okay, this is a a tough one. I am 99% sure that they will collect arrears (as long as it was ordered and not paid) until the arrears are paid in full. Someone may know for sure, but that's what I was told would happen here in my state. YOOHOO a piddly $48 a week for the rest of my life. lol
    As far as the old dl number, I'm pretty sure they can use it to help track him. As long as he has a dl, they would have the old number in their files (state dl office that is). I know that when I moved out of state and had to change my dl they notified the previous state that a new dl had been applied for and asking if there were any reason to not issue a new one in the new state.
  9. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    All they really need is a SS number - everything seems to be tied into that. I don't know about a 15 y.o. drivers license - you don't take the number when you move to another state,

    I know every month when we log into case status EVERY other week we have notations "DCSE is currrently seeking information about any assets that may be in he non custodial parents name, DCSE has submitted this case for a search for a possible insurance settlement claim that can be collected, Any assets that may be in the non custodial parents name is currently being researched to obtain any information regarding those assets, and on and on every two weeks, so I have to believe that any time you have to give the government your SS number, its tied into a lot of stuff.

    I think it would pretty well be impossible nowdays to "hide" a spouce. One of the reasons why SO and I will never marry is that we live in a community property state. My paycheck and assets would be up for grabs even though the X has committed fraud in going after SO for support knowing full well that once his son was adopted she wasn't entitled to support, and fraud as well for telling the courts she didn't know where he was and he disappeared so he could be adopted.

  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He's still in the same state. I'm just thinking that's he's had to have had his license renewed and might have had to get them reinstated if they were ever suspended over his previous CS issues. (I think they were at some point.) So, I don't know that the dl# would stay the same or that they would still have that old number on a computer that wasn't even in DMV 15 years ago. Unfortunately, I don't have his SS# but the DSS in the location where his daughter grew up will (or should) have it. I don't know if this jurisdiction's DSS can get the info from another state's DSS.

    They knew where he was when he was living with his second wife. The problem was that it would have taken the swat team to actually catch him because he would go out the back door if they came to the front, or she just wouldn't answer the door or phone. They couldn't take her home away from her and they couldn't dock her check. These aren't people who have second homes, businesses, boats, etc. It will cost the state more to go after him than they will ever be able to make him pay.
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    My bet is they will find him. I think I would tell difficult child. I know it might bring up some feelings but those are likely the ones he needs to work through anyway so while he is currently receiving therapy (such as it is) it might be the perfect time.

    My heart goes out to him and to you. Love and hugs, ML
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, ML! I thought about it last night and decided that I do need to tell difficult child because there might be a point in a few months where he has to take a blood test. Plus, I figure it's his father and has a right to know this- but you also bring up a great point. This might be a way to get him to open up about the issue to a therapist and in an environment where the anger can't lead to an uncontrollable, violent outburst like it does at home right after an out-patient therapist brings it up to him.

    I'll talk to difficult child this weekend- I just need to word things in a way that doesn't cause too much hope for a real relationship to ever develop but I'm sure it would be normal for some fantasy for this to surface.
  13. ML

    ML Guest

    Yeah, the fantasy stuff will be there until something (like reality) takes its place. It's only natural I guess. I can't think of a more painful issue for a kid than the one of abandonment. No matter how much the other parent loves them, it can never replace that void. Please convey my love to my board nephew and tell him how proud his board aunties are of him.