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Abused children who love thier parents dearlyuntil the end
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 633088" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think codependence is a big part of this. We naturally want our parents to love us and be good to us, so we do things to try to get that from them. The worse they treat us, the more we think we deserve it. It has taken me YEARS to understand this and how it impacts my own family. Plus so many families where abuse exists also have addiction issues and those also create these situations. I had a friend in college who was spoiled with material things but her parents lavished the time on her little sister. This friend drank like alcohol was about to be outlawed. I finally figured out that the ONLY time her parents spent any time with her or gave her attention was when they took her out drinking with them. Usually it was to charity dinners, parties, or fancy clubs and this had gone on since she was about 12. The rest of the time they just ignored her r gave her a credit card and sent her shopping. </p><p></p><p>Lord knows I cannot throw stones at this aspect of relationships. It has taken eons for me to see my family for who they truly are, and I am still negotiating that minefield. But it is sad to see so many people who were so abused and continue in that cycle when their parents are older and need help. I once asked a very close family friend about this, because her dad abused her horribly (her mom always worked nights so one parent would be home with the kids) but she always went out of her way to make sure he was well cared for, even through a couple of decades of health problems and severe alcoholism related problems. Her first answer was "He is my Daddy.". Her second had to do with helping her mother because it was too much for her mom to handle alone. Her third answer was 'I have no idea, but it feels wrong not to help." Her siblings were not as abused as she was because she was older and protected them when her mom wasn't around. They sure didn't drop everything and move home to help, or even use all their work vacations to help. They new that their big sis would handle it, so they felt they could just avoid the illness and family dynamic and go to Disneyworld instead.</p><p></p><p>Families are downright bizarre.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 633088, member: 1233"] I think codependence is a big part of this. We naturally want our parents to love us and be good to us, so we do things to try to get that from them. The worse they treat us, the more we think we deserve it. It has taken me YEARS to understand this and how it impacts my own family. Plus so many families where abuse exists also have addiction issues and those also create these situations. I had a friend in college who was spoiled with material things but her parents lavished the time on her little sister. This friend drank like alcohol was about to be outlawed. I finally figured out that the ONLY time her parents spent any time with her or gave her attention was when they took her out drinking with them. Usually it was to charity dinners, parties, or fancy clubs and this had gone on since she was about 12. The rest of the time they just ignored her r gave her a credit card and sent her shopping. Lord knows I cannot throw stones at this aspect of relationships. It has taken eons for me to see my family for who they truly are, and I am still negotiating that minefield. But it is sad to see so many people who were so abused and continue in that cycle when their parents are older and need help. I once asked a very close family friend about this, because her dad abused her horribly (her mom always worked nights so one parent would be home with the kids) but she always went out of her way to make sure he was well cared for, even through a couple of decades of health problems and severe alcoholism related problems. Her first answer was "He is my Daddy.". Her second had to do with helping her mother because it was too much for her mom to handle alone. Her third answer was 'I have no idea, but it feels wrong not to help." Her siblings were not as abused as she was because she was older and protected them when her mom wasn't around. They sure didn't drop everything and move home to help, or even use all their work vacations to help. They new that their big sis would handle it, so they felt they could just avoid the illness and family dynamic and go to Disneyworld instead. Families are downright bizarre. [/QUOTE]
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