Last night I received a call just after lying down to bed from my best friend, only friend in this area I should add. She simply said, "Can you come pick me up?" to which I responded without missing a beat, "OF course I can - be there in a few minutes". Threw on some clothes, let H know I what I was doing and left. She came out with a bag and asked if she could stay in our spare room, of course she could. We drove around a while and she vented. It's too long a story to tell here, plus I shouldn't, but a brief synapsis would be that her H of over 25 years, with 5 children (four of whom are over 18 and only two live with them at this point) is in order. He badgers her, he follows her around and badgers her, digs way into the past (from before they were even an established couple) and calls her names such as wh0re, c**t, b***ch, you get the idea. Her money goes into his private savings account, constantly reminds her how bad she is with money and how he paid off all her credit card debt, declares that the house and everything in it is HIS only including her car, blah blah blah. He has cheated on her - multiple times, even when she was preggo - he's a card and golf player, always seems to have money for that. He tells the children bad things about her, but never acknowledges his bad behavior. They are well known in town as being a great family with smart and talented children. I believe this is the reason my friend doesn't leave him - she believes it would be a devastion to the children and their reputation, despite the fact that several years ago, the middle son called the police on his dad because he was raging. I believe that the man has BiPolar (BP), especially in light of the differences in the way he behaves when drinking and when not drinking, his compulsions (or bad habits with gambling) and the way he rages - my friend is a constant walking target for his rage. He constantly belittles and berates her and there are times when I know she believes it. Obviously, she has battered wife syndrome. Well, last night she called me and I got her. She's tired, she just couldn't listen to his constant badgering and abuse. The youngest son gave up his room two nights this week so his mom could sleep, but the H went all the way up to the room to wake her at 2AM just so he could rage at her. He's broken down doors and windows to get to her when she tries to give herself a time out. That's why she needed me to get her - so she could get one night of peace. Apparently, he's been raging like this for THREE MONTHS!!! OMG. He recently had a health scare - his DR immediately put him on blood pressure medications and cholesterol medications because he said he was in danger of having a heart attack RIGHT THEN. Also, their therapist (yes they are in therapy but neither of them have divulged this secret) suggested he was BiPolar (BP) and told him to get the name of a psychiatrist from his PCP. Well, his PCP instead gave him the depression questionaire and concluded he was depressed and started him on Lexapro (10mg) yesterday! Lexapro??? If he's BiPolar (BP), I warned my friend, he would really go off the deep end, I told her she could stay at my house if she needed to, but she's going home tonight. It is very difficult to feel strong when you've been emotionally, verbally, and physically abused for so long. Anyway, on top of the health scare, his oldest son came out of the closet this past Spring. His oldest daughter moved out of state. And, he admitted that he'd been texting and talking with an old girlfriend from before he and my friend were married, but that he had stopped because the woman's H found out and put a stop to it...ahem, not because it is wrong and he wanted to be a better H. I think part of his behavior is caused by the three stressors above, plus guilt, and mental disorders. My friend agrees but I know she feels trapped. I can't make her leave him, but I want to just be there for her. I'm so afraid of losing my friend. I mean, I am really in fear for her life at this point between the existing abuse and now with the addition of the antidepressant. My God. I started this post initially because I wanted to complain about a stupid law in CT - not sure if other states have the same law - wherein if a spouse calls the police on an abusive spouse, they are BOTH charged with disturbing the peace and domestic assault AND then it's published in the police logs in the local paper. Why? Why does it have to be published? I wonder how many abused wives don't call the police on their abusive partners simply because they don't want it broadcasted all over town??? Is this not one of the dumbest laws ever??