abusive situations for typical teen's

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Jan 8, 2009.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    so i have no idea if i'm putting this in the right place. lol wow i'm dillussional tonight.

    yet another topic of conversation, i'm sorry you might have to relocate me to general.

    long story short, easy child's been holding her own alot of changes in place for her, alot of communication wtih her and i. yet her friend is being physically abused by a boy. i knew it would happen i sensed it, she kept telling me stories about expensive jewelry, controlling behaviors and a mos ago i said to her when and if you see a bruise and your friend isn't listening and she wont' and you can't go to her mom come to me. tonight she did.

    she trusted me to handle it for her. so tonight at dinner she started i rerouted difficult child after dinner for a bit to go color and have some down time.

    easy child saw the bruises in gym, while changing, friend lied i woke up with that. easy child saw some nasty verbally abusive and controlling texts telling her friend waht she shoudl and shouldn't wear by the girls' boyfriend, etc.

    so it was time to make the call. i called the mom i felt so bad. it' salways me seriously it really is to call. last time it was due to alcohol, time bfore that the oral sex thing, it's always me! i mean they were letting her be with teh boy every school night, every weekend.

    anyhow the mom cried and i totally overwhelmed her. hey how are you by the way your daughter is being physically abused by her boyfriend, verbally abused, controlled and also she's had sex. ofcourse i was gentle i talked her thru it best i could, i told her i'd help in anyway i could, that i'm always here, id' even take her out for a drink if she needed it.

    i just felt bad. our teenagers face alot of hard choices even harder than when alot of us were kids.

    just wanted to share.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Whether that mom knows it or not, you are a godsend for her. Good on you for blowing the whistle on that jerk.
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Good for you. I've had to be there sometimes for friends of my daughters', also for daughter in law a few times. I've not been in the position to make the call to the other mother though, because they never wanted their mothers to know. That's difficult, too, but confidentiality must be respected otherwise they never would have come to you in the first pace, and probably never will again.

    It sounds to me like she gave you permission to talk to her mother - good for her. That wouldn't have been easy either, but very necessary.

    I hope it works out and she can get away from the creep and break the pattern.

  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've had to do that a couple of times, and it's never pretty. :( But when I had to do it, I always thought that I'd want someone to tell me if it were my kid.

    But I know that Mom is grateful that you cared enough to tell her. Most people are too scared to even get involved.
  5. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I would be afraid to do that. Afraid that the other may be defensive or think I should mind my own business. Been in that same situation, older and living away from home. Able to keep it under wraps a bit then. But eventually it gets bad enough that someone somewhere (that is if you are allowed out of your home) will notice.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    you guys ready for this?? i wasn't. the mom made her daugther watch a tape on abusive situations and is letting her continue to see the boy and to have him over tonight.

    she said simply oh if your having sex please use a condom.

    ok, so i'm kinda shaking my head. i'm no one to judge yet that type of situation isnt' something that gets' played with or compromised bottom line.
  7. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    OMG! How frustrating that must be for you! Apparently the mother isn't taking the situation very seriously!

    One thing that might help - maybe not this particular girl, but possibly others in the same situation ... many of the domestic violence groups have programs for teenage girls on how to spot controlling, abusive behavior and how to put a stop to it. The group that I was affiliated with had one girl who worked with the children of abuse victims and the children who ended up in the womens shelters with their mothers. She was approached to give a talk to the girls in the local high school. She put together a program that was just wonderful and it went over so well there that she visited all the area high schools and gave her presentation in several counties. My son was in school when she did this and even in our tiny little rural high school, three different girls made the decision to split from their abusive, controlling boyfriends after hearing her talk!