Abusive teen

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Is the National Domestic Violence Hotline where you called? I would keep calling. Violence is violence.

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Miss P

New Member
He was removed from my home that morning as I told the police that he had to go. He is staying with his grandfather (father's side). I did see him at my mother's house and he apologized and tried to hug me. I stood my ground in not letting him come back home. I came back and re-read every post to strengthen myself.

It's been very confusing and hard to accept that this is domestic violence when we've been through DHR, several counselors, police, social workers, church counseling, even a group caled Focal. THEY ALL knew that he was attacking me on different occasions and I honestly felt like they didn't take me serious because I'm his mother. I felt dismissed and like my case wasn't even worth it. I even started to think maybe I was over-reacting about his behavior. This was the first attack since he got out of the behavior health hospital at the end of February. It was great for about 3 weeks and then the rebellion started. But I told him that I was giving him ONE chance when he got out of the hospital and he blew it. This has taken so much out of me. Especially since I have certain family members that feels like he's just a chill that needs help which is why I kept trying to help him. If anyone can give me phone counseling resources, I will be grateful.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Did you see the link above? It is a pamphlet that seems to address your very issue. You are making real progress. I will keep looking for phone counselling resources.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I cant give you any numbers. Sorry about that, really. I just want to assure you that you are not exaggerating and that it is domestic abuse. Most children, young and adult, NEVER assault their mothers....ever. it is not the norm. It is very not typical behavior. Your son may be as big as an adult.

You cant live with people who harm you, your child or not. He can still accept help. I worry about anyone he lives with. But I am very glad he can no longer hurt you. Dont feel guilty or let anyone else make you feel guilty.
 

pigless in VA

Well-Known Member
Sometimes the people who are supposed to protect us do not do their jobs. My guess is that it was easier on them to ignore you than to deal with the FACT that your son was abusing you.

I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. You have tried to help your child - many times. It's time for him to figure out the real world. Please be safe.
 

Catmom

Member
Miss P, my heart and prayers are with you. Your story is really touching and definitely an example of what we deal with in society. Yours is more extreme but people think we are the ones that did something to bring out this behavior in our children. They think if the child is out of control we parents just need to smack them into being obedient. One post that sticks out in my mind from months back is "If you can do a better job, you take my kid and let him live with you." Please stay safe and I will pray for your safety, please keep us posted as we all care and we all understand.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
You can't smack a strong, aggressive adult child. Not if you don't want to get hurt. Dangerous advice from ignorant people who never walked this path?
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Most DV places don't have set programs for battered parents because parents don't come forward. I was the first in my area, but not the last. I made a ton of phone calls to find help for my son, and probably called every counselor and pastor in our county. I told them that he attacked me. A few months after I went to our DV place and they designed a program to help me work through my problems, they called to see if I would help them work with other parents with kids who battered them. I did for a little while. Those counselors and pastors each had a parent or two with that problem and they NEVER sent them to the DV place for help because they thought they were the only one. But my call somehow let them know there were others, and they got to talking together, and figured out there are a LOT of parents like us. So now my county has an actual program for parents who are abused. And our court sends parents of abusive teens to the DV shelter for help as part of the family program for kids who get arrested for battering a parent.

And our cops/sheriff's deputies had to get training on how to deal with kids who hit parents because I made one heck of a fuss over the deputy having to be forced to do ANYTHING on the 3rd time he came out.

This is a real problem, just like a few decades ago when battered women were totally ignored by the law and there were no resourced for them when husbands hit them. Or when kids were hit and no one cared a few years before that. There are still too few resources, but at least we try now.

I am glad he is out of your home. Do NOT let him back in, no matter what ANYONE says. He had his chance, he blew it. You have an absolute right to safety in your home. He had zero right to do any of what he did. He was a total abusive little coward to ever lay a finger on you or play his little mind games. He needs to grow up and learn to be a real man.
 

BloodiedButUnbowed

Well-Known Member
VERY glad you got him out of your home. If you haven't already please get a restraining order and change the locks. If you don't do these things I have a very bad feeling that he will be back and things will go back to what they were or worse. Some people, sad to say, have to actually move and not tell their abusive child where they are living. If he wears out his welcome at his grandfather's place he may very well be back on your doorstep. Please consider going to an Al Anon meeting, this will help you start focusing on yourself and not your problem child. It was designed for those whose family members/loved ones are alcoholics and addicts but all are welcome, they helped me and I did not have drug abuse or alcoholism in my situation. They will be supportive and helpful and will help you feel like you are not alone. here is their meeting locator, click the blue link that says Find A Meeting to get started.

Find a Meeting
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
So sorry to hear you are going through this.

You have gotten great advice here from everyone!! Your son is not being rebellious in my opinion. This is way beyond rebellion.

I'm so glad you have him out of your home and I would follow others' advice to make sure he stays out.

Remember, this does not mean that you do not love him. It's very evident that you love him very much.

I love my son too but he is 1500 miles away due to his behavior that WE did not cause.

I have been in therapy to help me deal with my son's bad choices. That seems to be the best choice for me. Maybe that is something you can look into also.

Hugs and prayers for you!
 
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