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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 701536" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Not so strange Jodie, that was my motivation too and I had a therapist call me on that (which was one of those times you want to literally run from the room screaming!) </p><p></p><p>The therapist told me that often a codependent (me) will do whatever it takes so WE don't have to go through the intense pain of letting go.....that I was giving and giving so as not to feel my own pain, so as not to feel the utter powerlessness and lack of control, to face my fear of what would happen to my daughter if I actually really let go. It was an interesting (and not easy) dramatic shift in my internal focus, it helped me to see that I had the power to change my response if I were willing to go through that pain and accept that enabling my daughter was about ME, not her and if that is true, I now had the power to change. And, frankly, it was so dang painful trying to hold on that letting go seemed like a better choice! That's also when the therapist explained the FOG to me, which he said was the place I went when I couldn't choose......a stuck place where I couldn't rescue anymore but I also couldn't move ahead and let go......stuck in the middle, in the FOG, which can last for quite some time.</p><p></p><p>Seems to me Jodie, that you have learned a lot and are now ready to let go and accept.....which changes everything. Celebrate your realization.....do something for YOU.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 701536, member: 13542"] Not so strange Jodie, that was my motivation too and I had a therapist call me on that (which was one of those times you want to literally run from the room screaming!) The therapist told me that often a codependent (me) will do whatever it takes so WE don't have to go through the intense pain of letting go.....that I was giving and giving so as not to feel my own pain, so as not to feel the utter powerlessness and lack of control, to face my fear of what would happen to my daughter if I actually really let go. It was an interesting (and not easy) dramatic shift in my internal focus, it helped me to see that I had the power to change my response if I were willing to go through that pain and accept that enabling my daughter was about ME, not her and if that is true, I now had the power to change. And, frankly, it was so dang painful trying to hold on that letting go seemed like a better choice! That's also when the therapist explained the FOG to me, which he said was the place I went when I couldn't choose......a stuck place where I couldn't rescue anymore but I also couldn't move ahead and let go......stuck in the middle, in the FOG, which can last for quite some time. Seems to me Jodie, that you have learned a lot and are now ready to let go and accept.....which changes everything. Celebrate your realization.....do something for YOU. [/QUOTE]
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