Accepting the signs

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by T Rene', Dec 30, 2016.

  1. T Rene'

    T Rene' Member

    My mind is so blown away anymore with is he or isn't he doing drugs I know deep down that my son is using but then he shows up as normal as can be .... My mind wants to play tricks & tell me that he's really not ! Then I question my everything around
    Then he shows up So angry ( just in general ) & I wonder again... Why such drastic changes from day to day... my gut tells me ... & its a sicking feeling ! Why cant I Just Understand
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  2. worried sick mother

    worried sick mother Active Member

    I think it's because we want them to be clean so bad. They're also master manipulators. I go back and forth if my son is using or not. Im told listen to my head not my heart and if I suspect it then most likely he's using. Being the mother of an addict is just so unfair and heartbreaking. Hang in there
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  3. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have found my gut feeling is usually correct. They can be very convincing.
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Don't you hate that? I suppose we except they are, but so want to be wrong.
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  5. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I think we all do this. I find when I feel it is "off" it usually is....

    One thing I can say is that since he moved out I am much better. Having to feel the daily ups and downs of their addictions is just too much. It takes a huge toll on us.

    I guess the silver lining is that you aren't alone.
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  6. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    T Rene. We just want it to be allright and right now it can't be. I found it grounding to take a picture on my phone of my discovery when our son lived at home a year ago. I have kept it. When I question the mess of it all, I am reminded of baggies, short white-powdered straws, etc. IN MY HOUSE. Do I hope he's stopped? Sure, but the picture keeps me real. I know now I will only believe if I see improvement with my own eyes. Change.
    Some would think that this way simply whips me over and over, but I know me. The me who will glaze over to try to see the best in him, no matter what my gut tells me. I love him so much it clouds my sense and despite a year here, I fall easily. So that's my coping and it helps. Prayers.
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  7. Mother's gut feeling is very correct. Kids will try their best not to show any signs of drug use. Once they get caught few times being stoned, they will start to carry "Visine", cologne and other stuff to hide. When this happens, 1. They do not have plan to stop using whatever they are using. 2. They want to hide the visual facts that can be seen. 3. They will deny when confronted. With my experience, these behavior will not stop.
    If the child is an adult, you cannot force him to take the drug test or anything as they will say "I am an adult and can do whatever I want. This is none of your business" with attitude.
    They will also say 1. You do not know what you are talking about. Pot is legal, natural and doesn't do any harm to humans. (Well, you have to be careful as it is in fact legal for medical use and some states are legal for recreational use) If I look at so called pot head friends that I saw in high school and college, majority of them can't stop and became not that productive in life. It is a circumstantial thing and kids will challenge. Yes. There are people out there smoke a lot and being successful. But we are talking about very small percentage in my humble opinion. It doesn't mean that your child will be the same case. If it causes problems, it is not working for the kid. If your child gets into advanced level of smoking such as dabbing, which uses concentrated forms of pot and oil, then the situation becomes more severe and serious.

    For hard drugs, I can only imagine... This would be really tough on parents. We can't force them to stop. We will have to find a way for them to realize by themselves that doing whatever they are doing is not good for themselves and hurting other family members. Making them realizing part is the most important I think.
  8. Weary Mother

    Weary Mother WEARY MOTHER

    my son is in prison for his 2nd drug charge which resulted in his grandmothers house being caught on fire from making meth. I had gone through this back and forth is he or isnt he? I did not want it to be true, but after the fire and his accomplice girlfriend was sent to a burn unit where she nearly died and spent a month I now have no trust. My son when not on drugs can be very charming and appear to be such a nice person and you feel sorry for him. But on drugs another story. I am struggling with re developing a relationship with him after guarding my self with him for the last 20 years. How to trust, when to and how to feel again? This stuff is not easy is all I know.