Ache has had harder time with his state of mind whole autumn and he was hospitalised little over a week ago due suicidal ideation. He was quickly transferred to psychiatric ward close to us from the town he lives (which is several hours away) so we have been able to visit him daily. This is of course huge blow, but things could be worse. Ache is very depressed and tired, but he is not catatonic, nor is he remarkably psychotic (he does have some auditory hallucinations though) and also dissociative symptoms are not that grave at the moment. He has real trouble sleeping, both getting to sleep and waking up after couple hours and not being able to fall asleep again and he doesn't seem to have any appetite. His affect is however quite flat. He actually did all the right things this time. He couldn't stop suicidal ideation and had a plan and one night felt like he simply didn't have a choice but kill himself and instead he woke up his roommate, told him what was going on and asked him to drive him to ER and also come in with him in case he would chicken out from telling the nurse why he was there. medications have been tweaked in the hospital but currently there is talk about trying ECT to which Ache is open to. Ache has also agreed to stay in the hospital till doctors decide it is time to release him (while he was official involuntarily committed for a week, though he did go voluntarily, he is not fulfilling the requirements for that any more, which is of course a good news, as long as he is willing to co-operate.) Hospital treatment for severe depression doesn't usually go over few weeks, so we assume Ache will be released before Christmas and even quite soon, if he starts to feel better. Only logical choice after that would be him coming to live at home for time being and he seems to agree, but we have yet to talk with him much about the future. Preparing to have him at home is something we have to give a lot of thought. He may be released through day hospital, which would cover the 'day care' issues, but it may also be that it would not be a fit, in which case we have to come up with something. Just sitting at home and staring the wall (or playing video games or staying in bed) are not something that would feel helpful. Hopefully his aunt and grandpa can come up with something for him to do (sister in law has an organic farm that doubles with 'old time farm' and 'meet the farm animals-farm' for tourists and kids and also has a farm shop to sell local food for people from nearby city. father in law also helps sister in law a lot with all that and there is simple things to do also for Ache that would keep him active and outdoors.) Can't help but worry also long term options. This may end Ache's sport career which would be a huge blow to him. However we do not luckily need to kill that hope right away. He is under contract for couple years so while he has been transferred to injured reserve, he officially still is an athlete and will keep getting paid till the end of his contract so his team is also taking wait and see approach. While Ache can't work in other paying job during the contract, hubby talked with GM and Sport Director of Ache's team and all kind of voluntary work is permitted and encouraged, so is going to school so that leaves lots of options open. They are also willing to do everything to accommodate Ache's recovery while living here (for example they told hubby they will find Ache a trainer and place to train with some lower level local team, if that at some point seems a good option.) But that is all wait and see at this point. I try to take very matter of fact perspective to all this. Wallowing in feelings would do no good to anyone.