Ack! His grades are awful!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Feb 25, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I met with-difficult child's teacher today. I knew he was slipping because he has missed so much school.
    He had wonderful grades last quarter--A's and B's.
    Now he's got D's and F's.
    We (the teachers and parents) will yank him up by his collar, and then he will get A's and B's, and then he'll slip again.
    The teacher noted that a lot of his grades have fallen due to not turning in "daily grade" papers. They are only 10% of the entire grade, but difficult child needs to be reminded that 10% + 10% + 10% = 30, and right now, in order to earn an F, he's got an awful lot of daily grades missing. English alone has 6 missing daily grades.
    He has been lying and telling me he has no homework. I look in his backpack and scheduler and can't find any. :(
    So the teacher is going to staple things in there.
    And email me some assignments.
    She does not want him to fail.
    The thing of it is, when he takes quizzes and tests, he gets A's and B's. :anxious:

    They are very concerned about him, and wondered, aside from his flu/cold, and the medication changes, is there anything else? The prinicipal prompted me by saying that she had a student many yrs ago who had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) and his symptoms manifested big time when he was an adolescent. They have noticed some changes with-difficult child, in reg. to his lack of attention and his inability to remember things, and not caring, and, and, and, and ... and all I could say was, "If I were a 19-yr-old bmom, I'd lie about drugs and alcohol! But I think she was clean."
    I just hate to have them barking up the wrong tree and wasting time guessing (hey, I'm an expert at that!), unless they can come up with-something I've missed.

    They said that despite the amt of school he has missed, they strongly encourage our appts with-the therapy doctor and will work around it to make sure he keeps up with-his schoolwork.
    I'm still waiting to hear back from the other teacher about what she learned at the Asperger's conference.

    They said it's clear that he works very, very hard to keep it together at school, and he does not have outbursts like he does at home, but that he is anxious and hyper. I said I am going to be much more structured on weekends and during winter break in 2 wks, which should help on Mondays and after break.
    They also suggested that I give him rewards for doing homework, which I will do.

    I think he's outgrowing his medications.
    Again. (If you recall, we went through this in the fall.)

    I called another, private school today, and left a msg to make an appointment for an interview. This is the one that husband and I toured three wks ago. We are pretty good with-it in general, but we want to make sure it's a good fit.
    The person I spoke with wasn't sure who to refer me to, until I told her that difficult child is ADHD and has been formally diagnosis'd.
    So, I'm waiting for an appointment.

    I know he cannot go back in the fall, where he is now. This is too much of a struggle. And they are trying so hard.

    Now, husband and I have to sit and talk with-him tonight and break the bad news about the grades.
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2009
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hold on, I think we both must have the same kid! :rofl:

    I know, it's not funny to see those F-letters on the report card. So far, difficult child 1 has been able to scrape by and pull his F's up to at least a D in the past. I don't know if he'll be able to swing that this quarter, though.

    So what kind of school are you looking at for him?
  3. Janna

    Janna New Member


    Does he have a firm Autism diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome? If so, that would qualify him for Autism interventions. If I remember right, you have him in regular ed, huh? (my memory is awful I'm so sorry).

    You know, there are Autism specific schools I'm finding - all over the place. There are 3 here, within a 25 mile radius, that also have High-Functioning Autism (HFA) classrooms.

    Just something else to think about.

    I just talked to a mom with three kids with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Interesting, too, because she said 2 were misdiagnosed with other things first, but carry alot of the same traits as some of the other disorders. I dunno anything about it, but can't hurt to look at it, just for kicks.

    I'm sorry difficult child is going downhill. That stinks, too, because he sounds SO smart. *sigh*

    How about a 1:1 aide to keep him on task? Maybe that would help.

    Good luck with the interview with the new place.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you.
    We are looking at a small-ish Catholic school. There is a HS nearby that is associated with-it, so he could continue on, if it works out.

    We have a spec autism school nearby by I don't think anyone there is high functioning. I will call tomorrow.
  5. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Our school district has an "Autism specific" classroom, but it's discriminatory. It's only low functioning, non verbal, tippy toe walking, hand flappers.

    I said, that's not AUTISM SPECIFIC - that's low functioning specific.

    And, they do that intentionally so that they can give the High-Functioning Autism (HFA) parents the "oh, they'll never do well THERE, because all those kids are low functioning" speel. Pathetic.

    It would be a private school. That's what I'm looking into. You're lucky you can look at public school at all. That's awesome. I don't think D will ever see the inside again.

    Hey, good luck and let us know how you make out with it! I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya.
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ahhh. Good point.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    At least he *can* pull the As when he needs to. That's something!
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Very frustrating! I can relate-easy child's grades are dropping like crazy. Last quarter she received an "F" in US History, 1st quarter she had received an "A". Other grades dropping as well. Worst thing is, she doesn't care!:(

    It's nice the teacher is willing to e-mail and make sure assignments are in his backpack.

    Gentle hugs.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, my difficult child says he doesn't care because he aced the tests, so why should he have to do the daily assignments, and the homework?
    He pulled this when he was in first grade, too.
    It's coming back to haunt me.
    Then he started to blame the kid he does carpool with, because he never brought the homework by the house when difficult child was sick.
    "Did you call him at home? Follow through?"
    "No, and neither did you!"
    "Well, I'll call right now and see if it's at his house."
    ghg jumps up and runs to another room ... Poof! 4 pp of homework suddenly appear, with-a handwritten note by the teacher. Amazing.

    I told him as long as he doesn't care, he is still expected to do the work, and will have electronic game privilges taken away until he can prove that he can do the work.
    He told me I was a liar becasue I told him he was grounded off electronic games until Thur or Fri and may earn it back b4 Frid. Then I saw these grades and said, "Oh, no, it's definitely Friday. No electronics until after all the tests."
    He called me a liar 3X. I just stayed calm and explained that one had to do with-waking up at 1 am. to play games, and one was due to failing grades.
    He argued around that like a top notch lawyer but I didn't back down.
    He did two assignments tonight. And he read. And studied math with-husband.

    I hope he can bring up a couple grades this week.

    As a reward for doing math homework, I gave him some sushi I'd picked up at the mall.
    As a reward for doing Latin sentences and reading, husband let him watch 1 hr of TV.

    So, no meltdowns.
    So far, so good.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Very good indeed! If he can do it tonight, he can do it tomorrow night, and probably the next. Maybe he just needs to be applauded (and loudly) when he finally does make the right choice? We're finding difficult child 1 needs that positive reinforcement in a big way. But sometimes it's hard to do when he drops the ball so often.