Copa.....you can not reasonably get along well with people who care only about themselves. You were the child.There was nothing you could have done even as an adult to have any satisfactory relationship with a person,even a mother, who is a me only, my needs only person. Impossible. So you left, like many especially very bright young people whose minds take them where they need for nourishment. That is often far away, even abroad. So what? You stayed in touch. You didnt have to. And you were there for Mom at the end, a very compassionate place to be. You did it right in my opinion.
As for your sister, a cease and desist letter to you over a birthday greeting is meanly over the top. Reminds me of how my sister continuously called the cops when I had done nothing wrong, except to tick her off. They are over the top control freaks who will do anything to get their win. They would probably get along well, plot well together.
Except their desperate behavior is really their loss. They are not winning. I know my sister misses me. But her life is lacking compared to mine and perhaps your sister feels the same way about you. So they reach too far, in their sick minds, to teach us a lesson about living better lives than them, making better choices. They are angry about that. Dare I say jealous?
I do. Neither would ever ever admit jealousy but it is a big part. Frankly, it is not the other way around. My sister is nothing I like and has noithng I want. I would be very sad if I had her life.But my life is the life my sister dreamed of with the love of HER life, a handsome but unbalanced narcicist. She.picked a bad man, but she is no prize herself! Like attracts like. She has been almost evil.
My man is a great guy.. So is yours. This means something. I treat my hub with so much appreciation. I know what a gem he is. I would not trade him for anyone else.
I could tell you the heinous way my sister forced her ex to build a new house for them that they couldnt afford...his father forever kept paying a load of their mortgage, just like the welfare folks Sis loathes for being lazy....and not paying their way. She did the same, only she threatened to divorce her ex if his rich farher did not help them buy this huge new construction. They already had a nice house! Apparently ex talked his father into helping them pay so that Sis wouldnt leave him.
Then she left his son anyway and they lost money on that house....who does this?? Greedy, shallow, mean people? It never would have crossed my mind. Maybe this is her karma...being alone or with bad men.
In my sisters case I stupidly disclosed that I have a very guilty conscience so she is using that against me. What she doesnt know, and wont ever know, as I have cut her off forever, is that when it comes to her, I have no guilt anymore. I'm all out.
Yes, I teased her when we were children and I was much older than her. I was very jealous of her then. IIthought she was the token "normal" in the family and that everyone else was crazy. So I teased her, which was mean. And, boy, knowing what I know now I think she just hid her craziness. Between lifelong anorexia and probably some Borderline (BPD) or natcicism or both she is the least normal of all of us lol.
Back to the teasing, heck, where was my mother? She could have stopped me easiily.Just not taking me to my beloved drama classes would have stopped me. Cold. If i was still teasing her when I drove, and I dont believe I was but pretend I still did, then Mother, um, take the car keys. Yes, I would have had a tantrum. I was a child and teen with anxiety and a mood disorder and I did tantrum. But it didnt last forever. I needed the ddiscipline.That car was my everything; my way out of the house. If she had taken the car keys it would have worked. I did these things to discipline my own kids and it wasnt always fun but it worked. My mother yelled at and insulted and sbused me. But she acted as if Sis was invisible and unimportant. I dont k ow what is worse. Maybe the answer is lifelong anorexia and attachment disirder, serious mental issues she was diagnosed with. Id rather have a well controlled mood disorder if I had to pick. I am guessing Sis has depression issues too. Thanks, Mother.
My mother didnt want to parent or teach or defend and protect. That is on her. I am not guilty about teasing her anymore. In therapy many times I have been told it was on my mother to at least reasonably try to discipline her kids. Even in group therapy. So now I blame the adult as I would blame myself if that went on in my house and I did not go all out to stop it.
Her adult abuse of me came from her need to be in control over me. I dont care anymore. The weird part of my ever checking her deliberately mean.posts is that they really dont bother me....what she alleges doesnt. Yes, I had mental illness. So does she. She has been anorexic since age 18.
Copa i would not have cared so lovingly for a mother I did not feel cared for me. But your mother loved you as much as she was able. Since she loved you I dont feel you were foolish to care for her in the end. I am sorry only that you feel you could and should have made things better with two very difficult people. You DID do your best and you did not.lose yourself in the muddle. That was smart of you.
Yes, we get addicted to especially negative people and our own thoughts. Obviously I did. We always want those who wronged us to apologize. Often, in their minds, they think WE owe THEM an apology.
I apologized to my mother. I am not sure why and what I did that was so awful and it didnt work. I wont apologize again for made up issues in another person's mind. I dont expect apologies either.
What I want I will get. I want silence. I want no contact.
My biggest "sin" right now is ever thinking I can look at her posts. So for ME I am going to start today with Twelve Step. You start forgiving yourself today. Okay? ,
Lets see how good we do.
Light and love!