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<blockquote data-quote="HMBgal" data-source="post: 678025" data-attributes="member: 13260"><p>Taking away privileges hasn't worked for us, but catching my grandson "being good" and demonstrating the things that matter to us (kindness to others, helpfulness, taking a shower without WWIII starting, picking up after himself, etc) has seemed a better use of our time than being enforcers, which just sets off temper, melt-downs, foul language, threats, and personal safety scares. He does work for things, and at first it was short cycle: do five minutes of schoolwork and the reward happens right away. Anything long-term just causes more anxiety and anger. We've identified some things that he will work for: iPad time and playing with his Kendama--that's about all we've identified actually. If we tell him that if he uses foul language at school he'll lose the chance to go on his field trip next, that's too far out time-wise. And once he's lost the privilege, what is there to stop him from really running at the mouth and/or messing up at school? Finding what his triggers are is helpful, too. Recess and unstructured social time was devastating for my grandson. Guaranteed bad stuff happening. So we have him an alternate recess where he reads and helps the first graders (he's in 4th). He really loves it and it makes him feel good about himself and keeps him out of trouble. Win-win. InsaneCdn's suggestions above have worked for us, as well. And if anything changes, front-load it--warn them it's coming. If we don't--holy smokes. It's a long process and it's been two-steps forward and one back. And sometimes it's two steps backward and one forward. Dang. But once you hit on the right combo of things, you will see small victories.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HMBgal, post: 678025, member: 13260"] Taking away privileges hasn't worked for us, but catching my grandson "being good" and demonstrating the things that matter to us (kindness to others, helpfulness, taking a shower without WWIII starting, picking up after himself, etc) has seemed a better use of our time than being enforcers, which just sets off temper, melt-downs, foul language, threats, and personal safety scares. He does work for things, and at first it was short cycle: do five minutes of schoolwork and the reward happens right away. Anything long-term just causes more anxiety and anger. We've identified some things that he will work for: iPad time and playing with his Kendama--that's about all we've identified actually. If we tell him that if he uses foul language at school he'll lose the chance to go on his field trip next, that's too far out time-wise. And once he's lost the privilege, what is there to stop him from really running at the mouth and/or messing up at school? Finding what his triggers are is helpful, too. Recess and unstructured social time was devastating for my grandson. Guaranteed bad stuff happening. So we have him an alternate recess where he reads and helps the first graders (he's in 4th). He really loves it and it makes him feel good about himself and keeps him out of trouble. Win-win. InsaneCdn's suggestions above have worked for us, as well. And if anything changes, front-load it--warn them it's coming. If we don't--holy smokes. It's a long process and it's been two-steps forward and one back. And sometimes it's two steps backward and one forward. Dang. But once you hit on the right combo of things, you will see small victories. [/QUOTE]
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