adilt daughter on her ion stealing me blind, and moved boyfriend in. Give me advive

[Copabanana]

Welcome, Donna. I wanted to say hi, too. You have gotten very good counsel.

Stop with the guilt! All of us were good enough parents. Even adult people with inadequate parents are responsible for their lives. They can decide differently if they choose. Many, unfortunately, do not want to take responsibility to choose differently because they do not want to take responsibility for their lives, for living adult lives, where we cannot have our cake and eat it too.

The only way she may change is for you to cut off the punch bowl and cut off any access she has to your home, your resources, and to you--unless she can treat you with the respect, gratitude and love that you deserve.

From what you write, this will be a while, because she will have to establish a track record, first, of many months of treatment, sobriety and recovery.

She is being abusive towards you in a way that borders upon and may be criminal. Your responsibility to her and to yourself is to identify and to put into place clear and enforced boundaries, which need be, must be maintained through force of law, such as a restraining order.

I think I would have filed police reports for the thefts. For sure, I would tell her in writing, not verbally, that if anybody comes on your property with drugs, under the influence of drugs, or G-d forbid, selling drugs you will call the cops. I would contact the district attorney of my town/county to find out what legal steps you can legally take to protect yourself.

Like most of the rest of us, you have been protecting her, at the cost of yourself. This has to stop. Nobody could take it, let alone a mother alone.

I am glad you are here. I hope you keep posting. It really does help.

Take care.

 

[Donna illig]

Welcome, Donna. I wanted to say hi, too. You have gotten very good counsel.

Stop with the guilt! All of us were good enough parents. Even adult people with inadequate parents are responsible for their lives. They can decide differently if they choose. Many, unfortunately, do not want to take responsibility to choose differently because they do not want to take responsibility for their lives, for living adult lives, where we cannot have our cake and eat it too.

The only way she may change is for you to cut off the punch bowl and cut off any access she has to your home, your resources, and to you--unless she can treat you with the respect, gratitude and love that you deserve.

From what you write, this will be a while, because she will have to establish a track record, first, of many months of treatment, sobriety and recovery.

She is being abusive towards you in a way that borders upon and may be criminal. Your responsibility to her and to yourself is to identify and to put into place clear and enforced boundaries, which need be, must be maintained through force of law, such as a restraining order.

I think I would have filed police reports for the thefts. For sure, I would tell her in writing, not verbally, that if anybody comes on your property with drugs, under the influence of drugs, or G-d forbid, selling drugs you will call the cops. I would contact the district attorney of my town/county to find out what legal steps you can legally take to protect yourself.

Like most of the rest of us, you have been protecting her, at the cost of yourself. This has to stop. Nobody could take it, let alone a mother alone.

I am glad you are here. I hope you keep posting. It really does help.

Take care.

 

[Donna illig]

Thank you for caring. When the money was stolen from my account I did file a police report, and they put a detective on the case so far, I haven't heard from the detective. The bank did refund most of the money stolen out of my account. I put in a security system in my house which makes me feel safer. I will make call and see what I can do legally if they come on my property. Thank you for the advice. I have received some good advice today, thanks to all you members on this cite.

 

[Copabanana]

The one comment I forgot to make is about your question, where did you go wrong?

Nowhere. Your child is now an adult. Like all the rest of us, you have no control over her choices; just over your own. She is using you as a receptacle for her own consequences, her own lack of responsibility, her own lack of control. You do not have to accept this from her.

It is your responsibility now to yourself and to her, to set limits, as if she were 2 years old and trying to let loose of your hand, to run in the street.

But this time it is the reverse: she needs you to let go, so that she can save herself, if she chooses. The more we shield them from consequences, the worse it is for everybody. You are off to a strong start. Nobody could have done better, in your circumstances.

I certainly hope you do continue posting here. This is a great community and the act of posting very much helps gain clarity, relief and release, as well as support.

Take care.

 

[Donna illig]

Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate all the help I can get. I understand that I'm not the only one in my situation. It's heartbreaking to read some of you alls stories. It helps to know I'm not alone in this situation, and there are people who care.

The one comment I forgot to make is about your question, where did you go wrong?

Nowhere. Your child is now an adult. Like all the rest of us, you have no control over her choices; just over your own. She is using you as a receptacle for her own consequences, her own lack of responsibility, her own lack of control. You do not have to accept this from her.

It is your responsibility now to yourself and to her, to set limits, as if she were 2 years old and trying to let loose of your hand, to run in the street.

But this time it is the reverse: she needs you to let go, so that she can save herself, if she chooses. The more we shield them from consequences, the worse it is for everybody. You are off to a strong start. Nobody could have done better, in your circumstances.

I certainly hope you do continue posting here. This is a great community and the act of posting very much helps gain clarity, relief and release, as well as support.

Take care.