Admitted difficult child to hospital for Evaluation

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TracyEd, Aug 15, 2008.

  1. TracyEd

    TracyEd New Member

    I keep questioning myself....

    I know in my heart and my head that my son is seriously troubled. But...although I've had him admitted to the hospital due to him having suicidal thoughts and admitting to me that my 10 year old daughter is not safe near him, I still question whether I'm overreacting or not.

    I have no idea what's in store for us. We're meeting with the psychiatrist at 10 am this morning and my nerves are shot.

    Part of me is ready, willing and able to beg for them to find a program for him outside of our home where he will get the help he needs. The other part of me is torn up over even thinking these things.

    I am losing it? damn right I am!!!

    I'm trying to protect one child from another, while the mommy in me wants to nurture both, yet my son drives us crazy.

    I think he's bipolar or schizophrenic, yet, up until now, all he's been diagnosed with is ADHD and a mood disorder.

    How did you guys get the help your kids needed?

    I could really use some advice.

    I'm in Alberta, Canada. If anyone is in this area...are there any services I can request?
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good Morning Tracy,

    Hopefully some folks sharing your experience with admitting your son will be along later this morning. The healthcare systems are different in the US and Canada, but we do have some Canadian members. I can't offer you specific assistance because it's not a situation I have experienced, but I can tell you that you are doing the right thing.

    You are not just protecting your daughter, you are helping your son. By doing nothing you harm everyone, by doing what you are doing, you are making a difference and making a move towards a better quality of life for your entire family.

    Doing what is right or best is usually much harder than doing nothing! It is not unusual for parents of difficult children to feel that that sense of releif along with guilt and pain. At the meeting this morning, let the doctor know the situation with total honesty. They may very well feel a treatment placement outside the home is what he needs. He may need to be taken off (weaned) off his medications, an indept evaluation, and then new medication suggestions and therapy.

    The help that we have all gotten, and are getting, for our kids comes in many different ways. But the main common thread running through the many successes on this board come by parents educating themselves as much as possible in regards to medications, treatments, diagnosis's, education law, differences between types of docs, etc. The internet has been a great boon to those of us raising difficult children. Knowing you are not alone in your parental struggle by finding support here and listening to other's stories is another way you help your child and yourself.

    I wish you the best at the meeting this morning. Come and give us an update when it's over. Good luck.

  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Tracy, I wish I had some advice, but I'm in the states. My heart broke when I read your thread; I could feel the desperation in your words.

    I think that getting your son the help he needs will benefit the entire family. I also think that it is our nature as moms to second guess ourselves (I do it ALL the time) but you do need to go with your mommy gut.

    Hugs to you and prayers for the family.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, Tracy! I'm not sure how things might be different in Canada, but it appears that this psychiatric hospital stay and meeting might be an opportunity to hone in on the diagnosis that you question. I suggest making a list of the things that you see as being "out of the normal realm of things" with your difficult child and discuss them with the psychiatrist and anyone else at the psychiatric hospital. Tell them upfront that you question the diagnosis he has now.

    If they can help with diagnosis him correctly, adjust medications as necessary, and steer you in a better direction for his treatment, then it might not be necessary for him to leave home at any point- or until you want him to (like at 18) LOL!!

    Good luck- keep us posted!
  5. jal

    jal Member


    I am in the states too, but am going through what you are. My difficult child is 6 years old and has been in the psychiatric hospital 1 week today - since last Friday. It is hard, but I know he is where he needs to be to receive the help that he needs. Hugs and best wishes to you.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Tracy. It's different in the States. I would take him to a neuropsychologist here. I hope you get the answers you need so badly in Canada and I know you are trying your hardest. I don't have any answers, but you have my prayers. Make sure they not only evaluate him for psychiataric but also neurological problems such as Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Often Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is mistaken as a mental illness. (((Hugs)))
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello and I'm so sorry for your sadness. Hugs.

    NO! you are not over reacting. No how, no way!

    You owe your daughter to have a safe home. Your son, bless his heart, was giving you warning that he is not safe. If you don't listen, you will beat yourself up the rest of your life. Being in the hospital, hopefully will be the first step to an accurate diagnosis and further treatment. You have no idea what you are dealing with and what the treatment plan will be. If he is put on the right combination of medication, he may be able to be safe and return home. Until that time, he can not come home. You and your daughter are not safe.
  8. TracyEd

    TracyEd New Member

    Thanks guys :-S

    I'm so torn over this. Right now, he's happy enough. They have him in the Pediatric Wing of the hospital. It is pretty vacant right now so he can have all the attention he needs from the nursing staff etc...

    Would it be fair to demand that he be kept away from his home until he is regulated on his medications? I wonder if I'll look like a "bad" mom to make such statements, but as someone else stated above, there is a sense of "relief" that comes from the negative force being removed from the house.

    It was unbelievably peaceful yesterday when it was just my daughter and I home. I realize now, just how much she's been affected by his constant abuse.

    The other day he woke her up by staring at her until she opened her eyes and saw him over her. It scared the heck out of her and she started screaming and crying.

    I can't blame her for being creeped out by that!

    Honestly, there's a part of me that's so tired of the constant battles. My friends don't understand, but have told me they're thankful they aren't me. I guess that proves that it's not all in my head.

    One side of him is such a sensitive, caring kid, yet the other side has gotten to the point where I'm afraid of what he'll stoop to next.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Fair??? It is the only thing you can do for him. Demand the proper services and treatment. That's what a warrior mom does!

    You are keeping him from harming his sister. Imagine if he had to live the rest of his life knowing he harmed her.

    You are doing the only thing you can.

    I think the words you used are proper. He stays in a facility until his medications are regulated.

    HUGS! Stop feeling bad and realize he is in the best place he can be. It does not feel natural, but it is what he needs from you.
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I can't add any advice, what you've gotten is all good stuff. I did want to say, I've been there... admitting your child to the hospital is never easy, but YES it is the right thing to do when things have hit a wall. Take this time to regroup.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring hugs your way. I have not been there done that but I do know the anxiety of traveling unknown roads seaching for the "right" help for a child
    with problems. It is extremely difficult. Use the CD family as your outlet
    as the stress and tension mount. Someone is always ready to listen and
    care. DDD
  12. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are doing the right thing - an evaluation is a good start.

    How did your son tell you that his sister wasn't safe around him?

    Was it out of anger? If so, he definately needs help. That is a threat.

    Was it out of concern for his sister? If so, he definately needs help. It is very difficult for a child to tell an adult when they are experiencing these extremely difficult feelings. They are scared of the future and scared of what parents will think. Good for him to feel comfortable telling you. It is a good sign that he does not like to be like this and wants to change.

    I also notice in your signature that your 10 yr old has anger issues and acts out in school. This may be because of her brother's behavior toward her. If so, she will need counseling. However, it may also be because she is struggling with a medical issue and is finding learning and socializing hard. If so, she may need medications to help control this as well as counseling. I would suggest getting her evaluated also.

    There are many here who have gone through this. We know how heartbreaking that first step is. There is a moment or more that we fall deeply into our mommy duties and are so tempted to pull our child away from these people we do not know. Then our mommy hearts and minds kick in and we know this is what is needed to help our child and we pray that each of these people are committed to their jobs.

    Keep us posted. We also learn through your experiences.
  13. Calgon_Take_Me_Away

    Calgon_Take_Me_Away New Member

    I'll add in on the going through it now ~ we're looking at admission to a PMIC next week.

    You have to stay strong and stick to your guns about receiving help.

    ((((((((Tracy and family))))))))
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Tracy, you certainly are doing the right thing to insist that the hospital keep your son in until he's regulated and stable on his medications.

    Fair is ensuring that your daughter has a safe and secure home, and that your son gets the help he needs to cope with his issues. Your son provided you with a very clear and insightful warning, that allowed you to take the right steps before anything bad happened.

    Last summer, when my difficult child was manic, out of control and having full scale rages and meltdowns on a daily basis, he was so unstable that we sent our Little easy child away to live with relatives for his own safety. We knew that difficult child needed help, but the day he went after his older sister with a butcher knife and she had to lock herself in the guest room until husband and I could get home from work, we realized that he needed a lot of help immediately. We got him into Residential Treatment Center (RTC)/Assisted Living, and they stabilized him. Part of that process was learning that, in order for our whole family to be safe, difficult child will likely never live at home with the family again.

    You are absolutely doing the right thing in ensuring your daughter's AND your son's safety in this way. Please take the time to enjoy the peace and respite while your son is in the psychiatric hospital getting help. You need to gather your strength for whateve lies ahead.

    {{{HUGS}}} to you Tracy.

  15. Tracy, I'm sorry you are having to go through this, but just know that you are doing the right thing. Back in February, my difficult child went into a partial hospitalization and he continued going downhill. One day I went in for the weekly meeting with the psychiatrist and was told that he was admitting him inpatient that day because it was no longer safe for difficult child to be home, it wasn't safe for him or for anyone else. psychiatrist said that I was probably the only one that was safe, but he didn't know for how long, so inpatient difficult child went, that was towards the end of March. He was there until I got him in the state facility a few weeks later (our insurance ran out). He was in acute inpatient until the first week in May. Now difficult child is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) with an expected stay of 6 months.

    It's not easy, but I know it is the best for him, and the best for his sister (he had threatened to kill her). Not only is he getting help, but he and his sister are working on their relationship. He knows that it will take awhile for it to heal (we talked this past week in counseling about it).

    Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, be strong, you are doing what you need to do.

    Sending big hugs,

  16. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Tracy it's very important to remember that this is not punishment and it is not jail. The hospital is where he gets evaluated and helped. Don't put those thoughts in his head or yours.

    You do not have to justify what kind of mother you are because you do not want your other child to be harmed or traumatized. Instead of justifying yourself ask them what they can do or suggest to keep your family healthy and functioning. Ask their opinions, give them input and don't make this about your concern for your motherhood. This is a huge safety issue and you must step up.
    Tell them you are afraid for your little girl because of the words that came out of difficult child's mouth. You did not make them up. The professionals should respond appropriately.
  17. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Tracy, we who live for a while with an unstable child tend to "normalize" the experience. We say to ourselves, "It's not that bad. I can handle this." But it IS that bad, and we are not doing ourselve or our child any favors by not getting them help. You have taken a very important first step toward getting your child healthy.

    Just so you know, a mood disorder is treated in a very similar way to how bipolar disorder is treated (I know because I have children with both disorders). The ADHD-like symptoms frequently improve once the mood issues are addressed. You might want to familiarize yourself with the pediatric bipolar treatment guidelines, formulated by child/adolescent psychiatrists:

    Hang in there.
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hey, Tracy! I just wanted to touch base again to offer more support. I hope you never feel like protecting your daughter and the rest of your family is at your son's expense- remember that this is keeping him safe, too. You are making sure that he is not in a position to do something that he would regret the rest of his life and that he would pay for, for many years to come, you have him in an environment where there is more opportunity for treatment than destruction or injury or harm. You are protecting him right now as much as you are protecting your daughter, and this decision gives more opportunity for a better future to both of them, not just one.
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Echoing the others that you definitely made the right choice in hospitalizing. It was the only thing you could do. The feeling relief part is normal so please don't feel guilty about it. I know when my difficult child has been hospitalized we have all felt a sense of relief not to be constantly walking on eggshells. You are being a good warrior mom for your children, be sure to take care of you too. Hugs.
  20. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    Oh sweetie <<<HUGS>>>

    My difficult child II (11) has been in hospital twice so far (knocking on wood)

    some things I have learned:

    1. REST: take this time to rest and do not feel guilty about finally having a moments peace. Get a pedicure or go to a movie with your daughter.

    2. Push his Buttons on purpose: it can be frustrating watching your difficult child happy as a pea while in hospital and behaving like an angel no less. You know where the buttons are, do not be afraid to push them (on purpose) while he is there, they need to see 1st hand what you're living with.

    3. ask ?'s, take notes, do not expect: sadly if Canada is like the States, they will be pushing to release him b4 he is "truly" stable. Be prepared, ask them to supply a detailed release plan

    Hugs and prayers of support coming your way. PM me anytime