no1understands
New Member
We completed a blind (means we didn't know the child) adoption of a 14-year-old (yikes) from a foreign country about 4 1/2 years ago. After she learned English, we began counseling but continued to be remarkably disrespectful to us. After her behavior became untolerable, she was in an out-of-hospital program and placed in an adoption respite program. But she continued on a road of self-distruction - (for instance) mixing pot with depression medications while on vacation and nearly dying - then tried to keep us out of the hospital (at age 16) from visiting her.
She ran away four times - the last about a year ago (at the age of 17 1/2).
She lived with a family and their son - whom she was dating. Of course she got pregnant (which is what she had been trying to do with anyone) and lost the baby. She was going to high school and doing well, but stopped near the end - so has no diploma.
Her boyfriend kicked her out after learning that she was having sex with other guys (which we had warned his family about). Now, at 18, she is living with with some other guy, whom we don't know.
She lies about everything, is manipulative, won't get a job or hold it, can't keep friends (unless they are male), is remarkably promiscuous, calls for help now - though she won't carry through and refuses to tell us where she is living, is cutting herself and is supposedly depressed.
She has NEVER asked about anyone in the family. She argues with us about anything and everything. She is the victim - nothing is her fault. She has alienated everyone and thrives on drama. A friend, who is a counselor and has known her since she arrived in the U.S. says she has a mix of borderline personalty disorder and histrionic PD.
We have managed to keep our marriage together - but it has been a challenge. Better though, I'm sorry to say, since she is out of the house.
For the 10 months she was living with her first boyfriend, she never called - except when needing something. The people wouldn't believe us that she still needed to see a counselor regularly and get help. Instead, they did nothing.
We have been told by a counselor and a psychiatrist who saw her that we must not help her because that is enabling her. No money, etc - and we are okay with that, though it is very hard - we get it. We have, however, given her a list of places to look for help. When we told her to look at the list on Facebook and call - she said she had no access to it and complained that she would have to stay at the library "all day" to read the messages. Her last message to us, by the way, was "I hope you burn in hell for turning away an adopted child."
Ahhh!
We thought we were doing the right thing - bringing her to the U.S. for a better life, but she will not help herself.
We are at our wit's end.
She ran away four times - the last about a year ago (at the age of 17 1/2).
She lived with a family and their son - whom she was dating. Of course she got pregnant (which is what she had been trying to do with anyone) and lost the baby. She was going to high school and doing well, but stopped near the end - so has no diploma.
Her boyfriend kicked her out after learning that she was having sex with other guys (which we had warned his family about). Now, at 18, she is living with with some other guy, whom we don't know.
She lies about everything, is manipulative, won't get a job or hold it, can't keep friends (unless they are male), is remarkably promiscuous, calls for help now - though she won't carry through and refuses to tell us where she is living, is cutting herself and is supposedly depressed.
She has NEVER asked about anyone in the family. She argues with us about anything and everything. She is the victim - nothing is her fault. She has alienated everyone and thrives on drama. A friend, who is a counselor and has known her since she arrived in the U.S. says she has a mix of borderline personalty disorder and histrionic PD.
We have managed to keep our marriage together - but it has been a challenge. Better though, I'm sorry to say, since she is out of the house.
For the 10 months she was living with her first boyfriend, she never called - except when needing something. The people wouldn't believe us that she still needed to see a counselor regularly and get help. Instead, they did nothing.
We have been told by a counselor and a psychiatrist who saw her that we must not help her because that is enabling her. No money, etc - and we are okay with that, though it is very hard - we get it. We have, however, given her a list of places to look for help. When we told her to look at the list on Facebook and call - she said she had no access to it and complained that she would have to stay at the library "all day" to read the messages. Her last message to us, by the way, was "I hope you burn in hell for turning away an adopted child."
Ahhh!
We thought we were doing the right thing - bringing her to the U.S. for a better life, but she will not help herself.
We are at our wit's end.
